To want/expect a holiday, even though we have been a bit skint?

[carmenelectra]

Basically I am really, really pissed off a DP today.

I discussed booking this years family holiday with him yesterday and completely put me off.

We go abroad every year and it is the one thing i really, really enjoy. I very rarely go out or have weekends away anymore, so its the big thing I look forward to. I am willing to sacrifice everything for a wk in the sun.

Now the last couple of years we(I) have overcommitted ourselves finacially and last year things were at times very tough. My Dp put off all of my holidays plans and asked me to wait 'to see how it goes'.

Well, it went nowhere. I usually book up quite early and take advanatge of cheaper flights and longer to pay the holiday off, get spending money clothes etc. As I waited to see how money panned out, we didn't get a holiday at all. I was furious at first, but as I understood most of our outgoings were due to my overspending I accepted it.

Roll on to this year. DP is basically saying he doesnt think we have the spare cash upfront which is true. However, I suggested booking the holiday giving ourselves the incentive and then wotking at paying it of. I have a well paid job and gets lots of regular overtime with very good pay. Dp is the same.

Now he is saying that to go away in the summer we would have to put 'X' away each month and he doesnt think it's feasible.

I thought it was all quite 'doable', but now he has put a huge spanner in the works and put a real dampener on the whole thing.

I think deep down he isnt that bothered about a holiday, he can take it or leave it, hence the lack of enthusiasum.

Now I know some people are going to say that we shouldnt be having luxuries like hols if we have been short of cash, but I disagree. I am talking about a hol in Europe, no biggy.

So am i being unreasonable when I work all hours god sends, to expect a bloody weeks holiday?

Delete previous threads, why?? how bizarre. Search away guys. No big secrets, otherwise i would name changed!!!

30k of personal debt is a massive deal Carmen. Please think about sorting it our so you pay it off quicker. It doesn't mean no fun.

Your AIBU was by stealth, you allowed posters to think it was a small debt - it's not, and it's crippling your family finances. Your poor DP.

That's right, carmen - it's all us, not you. We're the ones out of touch, out of sync with reality, with no idea of perspective on what constitutes a crippling level of personal debt, and a poor comprehension on what constitutes responsible family financial planning.

If you keep saying it, maybe you'll convince yourself enough to believe it?

carmen you are even more of a ninny than you were before

Lol at carmen being rumbled. Now I know the true extent of her debts. And it is not her hypothetical £10,000. It is much more. So who was lying after all. At least she was not lying about one thing ... £2k won't make a dent in it. Small loan indeed.

Don't blame her for needing to scoot!

SoRRy guys ive had to nip back cos i havent scooted cos ive been out by the FBI!!

WEll I am sorry but I do not know which old thread you are referring to and i have no time to search even if i wanted to.

Dont know what ive been 'rumbled' for? The amount of debts that i had previously?? Are we not talking about now this year 2011. I have deliberately not given exact details as the thread wasnt for finacial advice(Jesus).

Please be mindful that things have possibly happened over the past two or three yrs that have changed my circumstances.

Anyway, debt or no debt, I really am quite shocked and upset at how spiteful some of you are. No one is really trying to help or advise at all. Not that i asked for it. You have been trying to check up to see excatly how much I OWE.

I FOOLISHLY got into a debate about mortgages and endowments when all I wanted to do was talk about a week in the sun.

I heard all i needed after the first page. Yes i am being unreasonable for wanting a hol. I gathered that. I should have switched off then, rather than read 500 comments on my personal financial situation.

WELL DONE aGAIN, all you debt free mumsnetters. All that penny pinching has made you all bitter and nasty.

Really am off for a lovely drink(that i clearly can't afford).

I feel sick - cannot believe OP is in such denial.Hard to believe she is actually 40-she is less mature in her attitude than my 16 year old!

Carmen I'm not debt free and I'm genuinely concerned for you

You have a good family income, all you need to do us make a new plan to pay your debts off quicker. Can't you see that your DP is unhappy with you trying to splash out on a holiday instead of tackling your debt head-on? I'm sure he wants a holiday just as much as you do, just not like this.

You have all the classic signs of someone who overspends on every little thing. Do you buy nice food to treat you and your family? Justify spending on quality shoes and boots? Buy things that 'will last' for the house? Treat yourself to a frappucino in the summer? Get food out on the hoof instead of taking sandwiches out with you? Get expensive haircuts and justify it somehow as necessary? Buy your DH gifts he doesn't need?

If any of these things ring a bell, you might be a spending addict in dire need of rehab.

It only takes five minutes to look up your mn history and scroll down to "Personal debt, not including the mortgage. How much is yours?"

The thread title stands out wouldn't you say!

"Dont know what ive been 'rumbled' for? The amount of debts that i had previously?? Are we not talking about now this year 2011. I have deliberately not given exact details as the thread wasnt for finacial advice(Jesus)."

You have been "rumbbled" because you kept saying you had a small personal debt over and over - probably to try and fool people so you can try and justify having a holiday.

Now you trying to say the debt previously, like we are refering to debt from 10 years ago, when actually we are refering to debt that you said you had on a thread in 2008 - so 3 years ago.

You know what, fuck it, you don't seem to care so i will point it out to you;

carmenelectra Mon 03-Nov-08 14:01:52
Everyones looks small compared to mine

When i was at uni i lived my life as though i was earning and am now paying the price. I dont live that extravagantly now and myself and dp have good jobs though you would never believe it cos our outgoings are so much!

i have about £3500 in credit cards and about £1250 in store cards. Personal loans x 3 equal probably £20 grand. Then dp has cc with abot £3 grand owing. Our mortgage is very very small but that doesnt help one bit as we sure as hell made up for it with personal debt.

Pisses me off now

There you have it. Now i suppose you are going to try and say the debt is payed off as that was 3 years ago. No one is fooled. That sort of debt doesn't go down in 3 years when you are paying the minimum amount - as you have said on this thread.

So to the answer to your op - yes, yabu to go on holiday when you owe thousands. No wonder your dp doesn't think a holiday is do-able this year.

I am confused? So this whole time the op has lied and said her debts were really small (not in the thousands) when they are big How odd.

I can symperthise about debt though. It is tough to get rid of when you owe thousands and it does take some will power to give up those luxuries because you have to pay off the debt.

I am grateful today that we don't live so close to the wind as the op because we have a blocked drain and it is going to cost £££ to fix. If we didn't have "just in case" money i don't know what we would have done.

It's all very well living for now but you can still do that and have some money aside just incase. Surely that is just common sense?

"Really am off for a lovely drink(that i clearly can't afford)." Carmen I think you should let your husband decide what you can and can't afford, you don't seem to have a good grasp of fiscal matters at all. If he wants to take you for a drink then you should assume he knows he can afford it.

OMG, £30k personal debt and thats without student loans - i'd be working every hour god sent to clear it not going out or even away. Not that I would ever have spent that much on credit ever.

You need a serious reality check and to drop the "I want" attitude. You seem to think you're doing well as have a low mortgage but the rest seems to have escaped your mind. Never mind you are already at a certain age and have no savings for the future.

As for "WELL DONE AGAIN, all you debt free mumsnetters. All that penny pinching has made you all bitter and nasty" - why does not using credit make people bitter or nasty. It makes them sensible, many can still spend on nice things without debt and you dont need money to have fun if things are a little tight at times.

Right I have been following this for a while and have read all the posts and I may be being pedantic but OP, the title, did you mean that or was it a frivolous usage?

How can one be "a bit" skint? Is it like being a little bit pregnant? Only, you don't seem to have ever been skint as you have a piddly mortgage, consolidated debt (more in the long-run, true), two incomes, access to credit...

Skint to me is not having any money. I used it when I was young and it meant having nada. But I was never truly skint because when I had not a penny in my purse I was living at home with heat, hot water and food.

I've seen threads on MN where something has happened which is no fault of the person writing at all and they have to feed their children on whatever (if anything) is in the store cupboard for a few weeks when benefits cock up as they so regularly do.

There are people I have worked with who have had to walk for miles in order to get a much-needed free nappy from the baby change places in shops. And no, they were not bad people who spent all their money on other things.

Just what is "skint" to you if you want to have yet another holiday and to spend £2K on it?

Sorry if I am making assumptions but to me your thread title says it all. You seem to have no idea.

Holidays in the sun are very nice. I know because I have had two of them in my lifetime When I was aged nine and then fourteen. Spanish package deal but more than my DC can ever expect because I wouldn't be so fucking stupid.

Fucking stupid to expect or want one that is.

Had to rush upstairs to calm DS and pressed post thinking I had finished.

OP isn't a 'bit' skint she is worse off than that because unlike a poor person who has nothing but no debts she is actually spending other peoples money in order to have fun. The problem with that is that the other people want it back with interest.

if something happens, injuries/illness/jobloss then they are fucked.

in the current climate both people losing their jobs is not unthinkable, that would mean the house would go to pay off all the debts and then they have only what is left from that salex, nowhere to live and no income.

Three children rely on these people to have their shit together.

I guess in her defence, she said upthread that they have £65k savings to do erm something with the mortgage

I am chuckling away at you all getting your knickers in a twist.

At some point in this thread I mentioned that I had had loans for home improvements in the past. Icingonthecake- please check.

My mom died in 2005, she was a carer for her eldest sister who was a widow with a middle aged hopeless son who couldn't boil an egg. AAnyway when my mother died my younger sister and I took over my aunties care. My cousin by now had developed lung cancer. It was a difficult time and they both died within a few months. My aunt had a heart attack.

Anyway, my cousin had a lot of savings etc. He was a bachelor, never had a girlfriend or kids. He had no will. It all went to probate(think this is the term) and my sis and I got 18.5k each.

Apart from one hol to Tunisia I used the rest to pay off our bis debts to wipe the slate clean. This was approx 18 mth ago.

I then was preg and run up the debts I have now. NOT 30k.

All this carrying on and (wrongly) judging my situation has both annoyed and made me laugh.

Sorry, but a massive Lol to all of you rubbing your hands with glee and whaT you had apparently 'found' out. Like I am a criminal or something!

However, even if I owed a million quid and wanted a hol why on eath would you all care. You do know me, I am fine. I am absolutely baffled!!

Ok Carmen, you don't have to justify yourself to us - what is your debt then? The total amount you said in a thread 3 yrs ago was 30k - this is a figure you yourself said, not one anyone made up. How much fo you owe now? How quickly can you pay it off?

I hate debt, I have debt. I recognise in you myself, someone who is in denial.

That was me phooey in dollars not pounds though, but with the dollar the way it is, they are almost the same thing!

"she is actually spending other peoples money in order to have fun. The problem with that is that the other people want it back with interest." If everyone stopped doing this, the UK Financial Services industry would be totally fucked. I hope none of you have a credit card!

And as I remember it, she was having fun with money she EARNED. Yhe holiday wasn't being paid for on credit of any sort. I still am gob smacked that people are going through OPs finance's with a fine toothcomb!

We have a credit card, but don't put anything on it unless we have the cash to pay it. The credit card has a 55 day interest free period, the money in our savings sits against the interest on the mortgage.

Hence by using the credit card for day to day purposes we save interest as long as it is totally cleared every month.

I wouldn't use the credit card without having the same amount of cash available. I would be freaking out as to how I was going to pay it back and pissed off at the interest I would have to pay for nothing.

I don't like giving banks anymore money than I absolutely have to.

The OP put the numbers out there, if she didn't want people to know about them she could have just not put them out there.

Credit is fine when you're in control - Carmen clearly is out of control.

Which ones are we talking? Carmen has not mentioned the figure that she owes now.....