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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is DH? Census debate..

81 replies

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 09/03/2011 09:15

I completed our census stuff online last night and DH is miffed as I didn't put him as person 1. He says he feels emasculated and him as person 1 is the way things should be (i.e. traditional) as he is the "head of the house".

He is the only earner as I am currently a SAHM, he also does more of the cooking where as I do the DIY (we play to our strengths Grin so not traditional in other ways).

He's not sulking or anything but he is brooding on this. So good ladies (and men) of mn was IBU as the person filling the bloody form in to put myself down as person 1?

OP posts:
lia66 · 09/03/2011 09:16

is that all he's got to moan about? Blimey, he needs to get out more.

YANBU (imo) :)

Hammy02 · 09/03/2011 09:17

My DP filled out our form online and I have no idea what he put. I couldn't care less. I certainly wouldn't mind who he has put as person 1. It seems an odd thing to have an opinion on!

HecateTheCrone · 09/03/2011 09:18

person 1 is the person filling it in.

So if he wanted to be person 1, he should have filled it in himself.

me tarzan you jane makes him a twonk.

Basically what he is saying, is he is the Head Of The Household and above you in the pecking order.

Yeah right. Like that's ever happened in a marriage Wink

Flisspaps · 09/03/2011 09:18

Head of the House?

He is aware this is the 2011 census, not the 1951 census?

captainbarnacle · 09/03/2011 09:20

Then he should have filled it in himself.

carminaburana · 09/03/2011 09:20

Aren't you supposed to fill it out on 27th March?

CradleCrap · 09/03/2011 09:21

I filled in the form - so put myself as person 1. If your DH was that bothered he should have filled in the form himself.
HIBU
YANBU

JeelyPiece · 09/03/2011 09:22

Has he said outright that he is more important than you? Because that is apparently what he thinks.

Person filling out the form is person no. 1.

YANBU

ENormaSnob · 09/03/2011 09:22

Yanbu

he should have filled it in if being person 1 was so important to him.

bronze · 09/03/2011 09:23

He is being very unreasonable and you are right

LornaGoon · 09/03/2011 09:23

Dick head of the house: yes he is.

Person one of the form: no he's not; he didn't fill the form out.

TrillianAstra · 09/03/2011 09:24

You know I don't ever think I've heard aman say he "feels emasculated" before. It's a bit wimpish-sounding, and any man who was worried about "being manly" surely wouldn't use the phrase?

JeelyPiece · 09/03/2011 09:24

I would be shocked if my DH said something like that actually. Were you aware he thought like this? It must have been apparent somehow in his attitude previously...

JeelyPiece · 09/03/2011 09:26

Trillian probably because only a man who is not secure in himself is going to object to not being Person Number One on a form.

Original poster
DorisIsAPinkDragon · 09/03/2011 09:26

thank you ladies tbh this has REALLY surprised me, he is very enlightened in every other way, helps (alot with the dd's, thinks nothing of sticking a load of washing on etc.)

He brought it up whilst I was doing the form, but I was very [Hmm] he wants to be person 1 so sees person 2 as somehow lesser...

The "head of the house" things was said a little tongue in cheek. There was nothing on the form as to which order people were to go in and so many different shapes of family in this census I imagine it really won't matter who goes where ultimately.

OP posts:
mummynoseynora · 09/03/2011 09:28

whoever fills in the form is person one! end of! men.... Hmm

CharCharGabor · 09/03/2011 09:29

Yanbu, I would be a bit Hmm too. So he thinks he is somehow more important than you?

Original poster
DorisIsAPinkDragon · 09/03/2011 09:30

I hope he's secure in himself jeely. We have what I consider to be a pretty strong relationship. I think his father was a VERY traditional head of the house type figure and sometimes he compares himself iyswim...

OP posts:
MooMooFarm · 09/03/2011 09:31

YANBU! He is joking isn't he?

Original poster
DorisIsAPinkDragon · 09/03/2011 09:31

He is also surrounded by women in he office based job and at home maybe it was just a bad day at work .....

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 09/03/2011 09:31

I mean that if you are the sort of man who worries about manliness you wouldn't use the word "emasculated" because it's a wimpy-sounding word and saying it will make you less manly :o

JeelyPiece · 09/03/2011 09:32

Someone mentioned this on another thread yesterday - her mother was telling her she had filled the form in wrong because she had put herself as no. 1.

There must a significant number of women filling these census forms in right now (doing the drudge work, as that's their job) who are automatically putting their Lord and Master as person no. 1.

Original poster
DorisIsAPinkDragon · 09/03/2011 09:33

Hurrah the first time I've not had a flamming on AIBU!

OP posts:
moomaa · 09/03/2011 09:33

I put me as person 1, I'm a SAHM and I did think that if lots of SAHMs did that it would probably show how times have changed. Person 1 has traditionally been the head of the household if you look through old census records.

Part of my 'job' in our household is doing the paperwork though so this fits.

TrillianAstra · 09/03/2011 09:34

Wed ont' have our form yet but do the questions for person 1 say 'you' and for other people say 'they'?