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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Babies and Toddlers in shopping malls past 8pm

176 replies

littlebillie · 05/03/2011 23:50

AIBU but I really, really hate to see toddlers in buggies and babies in prams from 8pm at these shopping malls.

I escaped this week for 2 hours to my local large shopping centre and was met, as usual with the bawling overtired thoroughly exasperated small children. I just want to stop each mother or group of mothers(!) and ask them to take their babies home so I can shop in peace and give their childrend a good night's sleep.

I just think is one of the examples of child abuse in our society. Anyone who thinks this is acceptable behaviour is just selfish.

OP posts:

Caz10 · 07/03/2011 19:07

Actually I wouldn't want to have Dd with me in a shopping mall with me at 8am OR 8pm, Dd and shopping at any time of day is a miserable prospect, hence the fact I buy everything online now and can count on one hand the number of times I've been clothes shopPing in the last 3yrs! Babies are entirely different thing from toddlers though, I never even tried to put Dd to bed much before 11ish for months! (still wouldn't want to spend the time in a mall mind you!)

fifitot · 07/03/2011 19:12

Actually most shopping centres open until 10pm Nataby.

RunAwayWife · 07/03/2011 19:23

Maybe we should ban people with children from shopping centres between certain hours, we could also ban teenagers, old people, people in wheelchairs, fat people, skinny people, ugly people, sexy people, gay people, straight people, people with Ginger hair, SN people, and make people of different colours shop at allotted times so that they don't mix with each other.....

confuddledDOTcom · 07/03/2011 20:37

I guess that depends where you live, I don't know any around here other than for Christmas shopping.

GotArt · 07/03/2011 20:39

RunAwayWife

Last night DH and I thought it would be nice to go for the Family Swim, 6-8.30pm at the rec center. It was full of kids and parents all out past the supposed bedtime that some state here.

And as for school age children being out, where I live, I wouldn't make that assumption due to the amount of home schooled kids.

Original poster

littlebillie · 07/03/2011 21:26

"AIBU but I really, really hate to see toddlers in buggies and babies in prams from 8pm at these shopping malls.

Anyone who thinks this is acceptable behaviour is just selfish"

I have been reading all the threads and I would say 70% think I am well out of order. I appreciate the other point of view, however, I am posting on a "I am being unreasonable thread".

I did take back a one thing I said, but no one has bothered to read it.

I think if you read it, you can see that I am not interested in what time anyone puts their kids to bed, if ever! 6pm - 11pm it is always the family's choice and whatever works for you great.

However, my objection was the clothing/shoe shopping in a shopping centre at 8pm plus. The one child I couldn't help but notice, was sobbing dismally and mother frankly indifferent, she was 18mth old and shattered. (also it was pointed out she could lie down, well she could if mummy was actually bothered to put her seat down).

The late night shopping experience has been compared to the cultural experience of France or Spain. This isn't evening family time roaming around a square in the balmy evening, this is an environment to shop and shop only. This is not the place to run in for nappies or calpol, this is a trip to SHOP. No toddler want to sit in trolley to the late evening while parent's indulge their shopping addition until 10pm.

Also to those who have asked if I have children, have a little imagination. There may be those out there who maybe have a different world view AND have children.

PS I love NEW LOOK!

OP posts:

princessparty · 07/03/2011 21:57

Who are you? Wee willie Winkie??

nailak · 07/03/2011 22:01

the toddler was having a tantrum so the mum ignored her? surely not#!!

jinxediam · 07/03/2011 22:10

littlebillie i'm with you on this one though I think the term child abuse is a bit strong. Selfishness maybe.

I've always been a firm believer in young kids in bed by 7pm. I have 2 DC's and they both hate shopping with a passion so I have always gotten my fix without them. Anyway where's the pleasure shopping with a grouchy toddler anyway??? even when i was a single mum I rarely went clothes shopping with either of them unless I was desperate and even then it would never have been in the evening.

I was coming home on the tube the other night from a very rare night out and I saw overtired toddlers in buggies at 11pm and just felt sad for them being out in the cold when they should have been tucked up in bed.

then again 7pms is for IMO

Original poster

littlebillie · 07/03/2011 22:32

jinxediam I took back the comment you disagreed with earlier in my posts. I am just facinated by the strong feelings to this, it is very divided. I just think this is more acceptable now.

I don't think this type of experience will give any child a a warm cosy feeling to look back on (as suggested earlier). As this is not quality family time.

OP posts:

mumsgotatum · 07/03/2011 22:38

Ha ha ha you're joking right

Dawnybabe · 07/03/2011 22:38

I don't think it's the norm to have small children out that late. It might have been a one off, given how tired the op says the children seemed it probably was well past their usual bedtime. I don't agree with dragging children out and about when it suits you though, it isn't always a convenient life having kids around but that's what you signed up for.

What is interesting is how many people on here are so indignant that their children shouldn't go to bed when they like. The words 'rod' and 'back' spring to mind. Get them into a normal routine before they start nursery etc and before they can argue with you about it.

Dawnybabe · 07/03/2011 22:47

*should

confuddledDOTcom · 07/03/2011 22:59

My children found their own routine and now will fall asleep on me if I've not got them in bed at 7:30pm. They didn't have a bedtime until they found one themselves, around 8pm then I used the clock change to get them into bed at 7pm now they're at nursery and school and have no problem with routine. Forcing a baby into a routine is not healthy and not going to make a scrap of difference to what they're doing in three years time.

nailak · 07/03/2011 23:14

confuddled, how old were your kids when they found their routine? was it due ti school?

confuddledDOTcom · 07/03/2011 23:26

Not at all. I can't really remember with the eldest but the youngest has had her routine for over a year, she's just two and only started nursery in September. I think the eldest was similar.

buttonmooncup · 08/03/2011 08:52

princessparty Mon 07-Mar-11 21:57:05
Who are you? Wee willie Winkie??

Just spat my morning cuppa

jinxediam · 08/03/2011 11:46

sorry littlebillie I skimread thread

I cant understand how these kids aren't knackered the day after? If mine aren't in bed by a sensible time they are devils the day after. And I don't know if my DC's are any different but mine rarely wake up later than 7.30am regardless of how late they have been up the night before.

Urgh at kids up later than 8pm. My days revolve around the DC's but after 8pm its my time...and yes time with my DH as he is important too. Plus I am generally shattered by the evening and the thought if trotting off to a shopping mall is just

wine o clock

LifeIsButtercream · 08/03/2011 12:47

Depends I guess - very young babies may not necessarily be in bed at that time - when my DD was 3months she would often be up late into the evening and through the night so you'd often find me in the 24hr Tesco as the time of day had no relevance for us - it was just an endless feed/nap cycle!

However, now she is approaching 2 she goes to bed at 6.30pm and I'd never interupt that cycle except for a dire emergency!

I guess it depends on the age of the child and their sleep routine, but YANBU to think it unfair that over-tired children are being dragged round shops when they need to be sleeping.

Jaydles · 08/03/2011 13:03

Buttercream the last sentence is exactly what I was going to say.

carabos · 08/03/2011 13:06

You probably shouldn't go abroad then - in some countries they take their children out all over the place at all hours.....

MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 08/03/2011 13:36

I was a single mother when DD was a baby. I remember one day when she was about eight months and we stayed fairly late at a friends house. I suddenly realised it was OK to be out late. And it was up to me with my baby what we did! It was truly a revelation. I no longer had to sit in a dull house by myself every evening mouldering away. I could go places, do things. And we did. A lot. Most often to see friends then home on the train - often up to 11pm +
I carried on doing it, I still do it. She's always been very good about just going to sleep when tired, wherever we are, she'll just sleep in her sling when tired. She gets more than enough sleep (has only just dropped her daytime nap aged 4.5 years)
If we're at home she goes to bed when she's tired. Some days at 5pm. Some days at 10pm. It averages out to a 7.30pm bedtime. Over the course of a week she'll get her 84 hours sleep, does it really matter so much if she gets 9 hours one night and thirteen the next?

fifitot · 08/03/2011 21:29

I wonder how many of us would like our night time sleep in buggies under bright lights rather than tucked up in a warm bed. Then transfered to a car and then to a bed eventually.

God forbid people can't get their clothes shopping done.

PrincessScrumpy · 08/03/2011 21:41

I don't mind seeing babies as they may have colic etc and less of a routine etc but I really agree toddlers need a routine and should be in bed by 8pm.

Having said that, we travel for 4 hours from in laws and tend to drive at night so dd (3) sleeps the whole way. Well, that's the plan. But one journey, she stayed awake and told us she wasn't sleeping for 21/2 hours of the drive. We got to a service station and got dd out of the car and had a walk around, she had more milk, then, after 30 minutes of being very awake, she got back into the car and went to sleep - at 10.30pm! We also took dd on a night flight to Majorca and she was awake the whole day then night until about 2.30am! Shockingly, she survived!

Other parents are so quick to judge and criticise - everyone has their reasons and you do not know what goes on behind closed doors!

GoneHopefullyForgotten · 09/03/2011 19:02

fifitot - how many parents would like the opportunity to sleep? And would sleep no matter what the situation given the opportunity.

If you are that concerned than perhaps we should go back to all shops closing at 5 or 6 and not opening on a sunday. Why should people with children have less choice about shopping. there is so much that you give up to look after a child that if you choose to schdule you child so that you can make benefit of the later night opening hours when it is generally quieter so that you can shop faster and expose less people to your child should they chose to temper?

Have you tried shooping on a saturday with all the people with a child that is shouting. It is no less annoying for the other people, and it will take you double if not three times the amount of time. Sorry but personally it is more likely to be child abuse to drag the children out during the day to shop then after tea before 10pm. If you were making a case for after 10pm - 6am then perhaps i might agree that it could be detrimental if occurring regularly. But we are not and the op was talking about 8pm shopping. It is a very british culture, and if there was significant evidence of harm there would be more culture that insisted on such early bedtime.

Get. over. it.

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