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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Babies and Toddlers in shopping malls past 8pm

176 replies

littlebillie · 05/03/2011 23:50

AIBU but I really, really hate to see toddlers in buggies and babies in prams from 8pm at these shopping malls.

I escaped this week for 2 hours to my local large shopping centre and was met, as usual with the bawling overtired thoroughly exasperated small children. I just want to stop each mother or group of mothers(!) and ask them to take their babies home so I can shop in peace and give their childrend a good night's sleep.

I just think is one of the examples of child abuse in our society. Anyone who thinks this is acceptable behaviour is just selfish.

OP posts:

Gemsy83 · 06/03/2011 09:47

WWW- there are far more important things to get worked up about in regards to parenting. Maybe you should take up cross stitch or something and keep your beak out of how other people choose to parent THEIR kids?

WideWebWitch · 06/03/2011 09:49

Gemsy, I'm not worked up, just commenting.

Because this is a parenting forum so er people will express opinions.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 06/03/2011 09:55

Do none of these children sleep in their buggies then?

TheseThingsAreGoodThings · 06/03/2011 10:01

Child abuse?

Do you know what happened to Baby P?

To call going to a shopping centre at 8pm child abuse should be the crime.

By over-using the term you are diminishing its impact and trivalising genuine child abuse.

Gemsy83 · 06/03/2011 10:02

WWW whats with the 'er' in every past? Is it an attempt at passive agression or are you Trigger off Only Fools and Horses?

ReshapeWhileDamp · 06/03/2011 10:35

Ahhh... now I understand why MrsGetonwithit was so aggressive on the 'sunfay shopping' thread. She was getting all stoked up on here!

FWIW, my mother thinks there's a rather insidious culture of getting pre-school age children into bed too early nowdays. She tells me she thinks that people who aim to get their 3 yr olds into bed before 7 are just tying to 'tidy them away' so the parents can have lots of lovely selfish evening time to themselves.

I am generally at this, but I'm also surprised when a friend tells me that her 2/3 yr old is in bed by 6.45. BUT - different children, different day and night rhythms. Which sort of makes the OP bloody unreasonable in my book.

noodle69 · 06/03/2011 10:48

In my job I have seen in the past loads of children taht are kept up late like that and they usually come in exhausted in the morning and struggle. Its fine if you are at home with them but not if they have to be in nursery or early primary ime.

BlueCollie · 06/03/2011 10:58

If someone took me shopping at 9pm I think they would be abusing me tbh bloody hate shopping at anytime of day let alone at night and it would be me whinging loudly My DS might like it though, although doubt he would be awake as he just falls asleep at around 7pm wherever we are. He's spent the occasional evening when we have been at parties/weddings etc with him asleep in his buggy with music playing quite loudly and me and his dad having a ball. If a child's tired they will sleep wherever they are and I'm sure those parents aren't out everynight shopping!

foreverondiet · 06/03/2011 11:06

It depends...

I took DS1 (age 4) for shoes at 7.30pm. I wanted to take him on his own whilst DH looked after DD and DS2 (baby), he was all ready for bed and it was an adventure. Hope you wouldn't judge me.

Again tiny babies under 6 months might not really have 7pm bedtime.

However, I do agree that dragging overtired toddlers around after 8pm isn't really fair on them.

redhollyberry · 06/03/2011 11:57

I think all children are different. I'd love for my daughter (2) to go to bed a little earlier, but she is rarely tired before 9.30pm to 10pm. If I put her to bed before then she would not sleep, she would be screaming to come downstairs or bouncing around on the bed. She gets plenty of sleep, she usually wakes up between 8.30am and 9am and she usually has an afternoon nap.

So if there is something that needs doing in the evening, I will do it with her in tow. As the nights get lighter and warmer, I plan to go for an evening walk on the beach with her when my husband gets home from work. To be honest, I see no problem with this - she is healthy, thriving, intelligent and happy. My husband does not come home from work until 6.30pm, so she gets plenty of time with him and their relationship is excellent.

I assume that as she gets older and drops her afternoon nap, she will go to bed earlier. I find it a little pathetic that some people would find time to judge me for this.

So yes, YABU.

Nataby · 06/03/2011 12:06

@jay,I don't care that you choose to put your baby to bed so you and hubby have personal time. The OP porports that children not being in bed At 7 is abuse. If I don't insist on bedtime for my convenience and you do, which one of us, should be accused of child abuse?

I am only suggesting that each parent does what works for the family.

@ Caz, if you had read my earlier post, you would have seen the answer to your question. I actually work 45 hours a week. I suspect that is more than you do.

Needanewname · 06/03/2011 12:08

I thought that the OP had since said that ok abuse was maybe not the right word

MsScarlett · 06/03/2011 12:24

My DD REFUSES to go to bed before 10pm, but she lies in. I know I'll have to correct it before she goes to school, but it works for now and she is getting enough sleep. Therefore, it is hard for me to get out early in the day. Granted, I wouldn't take her shopping at that time, but I might take her with us for dinner at her grandparents etc. She falls asleep on the way home and is often settles better for it. I just hope noone ever pulls us over and whisks her away because of the abuse she is suffering...

scottishmummy · 06/03/2011 12:25

calling any annoyance or dislike child abuse is really overstating case.see it on mn a lot and inappropriately applied too

"i saw a toddler with a sausage roll hanging out its yap,oh child abuse couldn't she buy organic veal or some such?"

seriously,child abuse is mentally and physically damaging. traipsing around shops with mum isnt

Caz10 · 06/03/2011 12:40

I think naps make a massive difference. nataby I looked back to see your earlier post and see that your 3yr old naps 2-3 hrs in the day; mine dropped her nap not long before she turned 3 and is correspondingly tired more early in the evenings now, hence me leaving early and bringing work home. She would be unhappy and overtired if I kept her up past the time when she is tired. Plus she is one of these 6am no matter what the bedtime toddlers! (which is fine when we are up then for work anyway)

I've kept her up late on plenty of occasions like on holiday, family gatherings, nice light evenings at the beach etc, but they have to be compensated for the next day with a quieter day or earlier bedtime, I wouldn't make it the norm.

I really don't think the OP was talking about happy children enjoying time with family or people in a squeeze nipping out to get calpol and nappies, more like people clothes shopping with overtired and unhappy kids (and no, not all kids sleep in buggies!) - in which case she is very DNBU!!

buttonmooncup · 07/03/2011 10:00

Could someone please tell me how I'm abusing my children by letting them stay up til 8:30 sometimes? They sleep until 9:30 in the morning so aren't sleep deprived by any means. I assume that whatever time people put their kids to bed they get the sleep they need - unless parents are putting their kids to bed at 10 o'clock and then waking them up at 5?

NestaFiesta · 07/03/2011 10:13

OP- do you have kids?

TandB · 07/03/2011 10:20

New Look is open at 9.30pm? Really? Where?

This has got to be a wind-up.

Is shopping with children at 9.30pm better or worse than shopping with children on a Sunday?

mrsoliverramsay · 07/03/2011 10:30

My son rarely falls asleep before 10 pm and he gets up at 9am. I wouldn't take him to a mall at that time but then again I only take him to a mall when it is absolutely necessary as it is Hell. He doesn't have to get up early for nursery yet so I am fine with it for now although an 8pm bedtime would be heaven for me.

strandedpolarbear · 07/03/2011 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

porcamiseria · 07/03/2011 12:21

troll or..twat

fizzyliftinggas · 07/03/2011 12:25

Ha, this thread is the exact opposite of the don't shop on a sunday one from yesterday, you must skip round the park come rain or shine, now thou must not take children to the shops in an evening either, can anyone let me know where to get a cage for my DC's whilst normal life carries on, or are dog cages acceptable OP?!

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 07/03/2011 14:05

Who's to say these mothers aren't out at that time of night with their small children because of the children won't go to sleep? DH and I have done our weekly shopping at 2am before now because ds would not sleep and it was better than everyone in the house being miserable.

Nataby · 07/03/2011 15:22

There are not many shops that are open past 7pm in the UK besides supermarkets, so the theory that they are clothes shopping at that time of the day does not add up really.(hmm)

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 07/03/2011 16:10

Bring back hanging!!!!! A child out at past 8pm, good god, what has happened to the world!!

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