Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Babies and Toddlers in shopping malls past 8pm

176 replies

littlebillie · 05/03/2011 23:50

AIBU but I really, really hate to see toddlers in buggies and babies in prams from 8pm at these shopping malls.

I escaped this week for 2 hours to my local large shopping centre and was met, as usual with the bawling overtired thoroughly exasperated small children. I just want to stop each mother or group of mothers(!) and ask them to take their babies home so I can shop in peace and give their childrend a good night's sleep.

I just think is one of the examples of child abuse in our society. Anyone who thinks this is acceptable behaviour is just selfish.

OP posts:
BuzzLiteBeer · 06/03/2011 01:51

ha ha ha. too funny, OP.

ClaraMay · 06/03/2011 02:36

Op, you don't have children do you?

togarama · 06/03/2011 04:42

YABU.

Or is this a joke?

I don't think you can tell much about someone's parenting from whether or not they take their small children on evening shopping trips tbh.

My 2 yo is always up later than 9pm. We both get a full night's sleep just at a different time to families who have an early bedtime for their kids. Personally I don't ever want to be awake at 6am unless there's a bloody good reason (e.g. this weekend dd has a d&v bug...)

Each to their own.

Nataby · 06/03/2011 04:50

Totally agree, Rina, jest because you have bed times for your child does not mean everyone else does. My 3 year old is never in bed at 8 pm. She usually goes to bed at 9 or 9.30, which means she wakes up at 8 am, she still has a 2 or 3 hour nap in the day, so as a working mum, when I get home, I can spend some time with her. I expect things will change when she is in school. I don't think that toddlers and pre-schoolers need regimented bed times.

Maybe toddler was upset, because they saw how you were looking at their mummy:).

They could have been crying because mummy said it was time to go home. Try and ignore it next time

kiwisplendour · 06/03/2011 05:05

Bizarre OP - have you ever travelled to other countries where having babies and toddlers at restaurants for evening meals is part of the culture? I think you need to take off your judgy pants and wash them. Grin

I'm glad a working mum came on here and put you right.

Who says babies/toddlers have a set sleeping time?

OnEdge · 06/03/2011 05:13

They might have just flown in from NY !! Jet Lag !! Grin

elvisgirl · 06/03/2011 05:36

I think there is something to be said for young kids having a bedtime & waking time that is not too far out from the times it gets dark in the evening & light in the morning as their bodies will be sensitive to light levels, and not just the brightness but the composition of the light (ie daylight later in the day is different due to the angle of the sun which signals to the body that rest time is approaching). Even if people are in artificially lit environments most of the time their bodies still take notice of natural time cues, as decent artifical light has only been around the last 100yrs.

On top of this there are people who are late owls or early riser types as each individual has their own daily pattern too, and it can vary with age, but it will still be related to the external cues. There are some theories that deviation from natural diurnal rhythms can be possible contributory factors to all sorts of medical ailments like diabetes, some types of cancer, heart disease, cos they are often found to more prevalent in shift workers, pilots, etc So back to toddlers & babies, theoretically they are probably better off, in general, not being in such a stimulating environment like a shopping mall at a time when they should be winding down.

lyra41 · 06/03/2011 05:40

I know what you mean but it's true about other families having different schedules. It wouldn't be something I would do with my ds but I avoid any type of shopping with him tbh as it's much easier to shop without children in general. I think it is unfair not to allow children enough opportunities for sleep though, with a bed time routine and a suitable bed time esp school aged kids.

I think you make a good point op.

GotArt · 06/03/2011 05:46

"I escaped this week for 2 hours to my local large shopping centre and was met, as usual with the bawling overtired thoroughly exasperated small children. I just want to stop each mother or group of mothers(!) and ask them to take their babies home so I can shop in peace.."

Sounds to me like you are just pissed that you escaped your bawling overtired DC's to do some shopping and were hearing it anyhow when out.

Although DD's bedtime is usually 8, we frequently go to DH's restaurant at night, usually leaving around 10. I have gotten looks from people with your mindset OP, that children most definitely should be at home in bed at that time, but then DD cruises around the restaurant, smoozes and smiles and says hello to the regulars and is a gem really, building her character and she's only just over 2. Its not such a bad thing. You need to be a little more compassionate and just ignore the crying kid, which you will hear at any time of the day at a mall.

ScroobiousPip · 06/03/2011 05:49

How very judgey. Long siestas and late evenings are the norm in many parts of the world.

Suits me fine too, Nataby， as another working mum - would hate to arrive home at 6.30pm to a 2yo ready for bed. So much more fun to spend the long summer evenings at the beach, museums (open til 8 here) or in the garden. Wouldn't waste my time in a mall though.

TechnoKitten · 06/03/2011 06:21

Help, call CYFS. My children were running around the beach yesterday at 8pm, definitely screaming / shouting / making much noise.

There were several younger kids there also making lots of noise.

It was fab :) they got up at 9 this morning, they seem ok on it. In fact it's gone 7pm now and they're not even bathed yet, let alone near pyjamas and bed.

Caz10 · 06/03/2011 06:59

Just curious, do all these people who put their lo's to bed at 9, 10pm have nothing to do in the evenings?! Dd is not a very early bedder, around 8.30 at 3yrs, but I absolutely need the time after she is in bed to do work, housework, paperwork etc!

Caz10 · 06/03/2011 07:01

Ps just to add to the rant, my pet hate is seeing the whole family dragging overtired kids round the supermarket late at night - one of you stay at home ffs!!

BalloonSlayer · 06/03/2011 07:14

I did feel Shock when making an evening trip to IKEA, after all my DCs were in bed, at how many young children were there, looking exhausted and fractious.

I reasoned that perhaps the parents needed to both be there to make a joint decision on things for the house and had thought that this was the best way to fit it around work etc.

But I was surprised that it was so busy and that there were so many kids - my expectations of a quiet shop were based on my own life: a)I don't usually go anywhere in the evenings and b) have my DCs in bed as early as possible.

I think it always comes as a shock to find that other people don't do things the same way as you do.

bamboostalks · 06/03/2011 07:35

I think it is inappropriate to see children being trawled about shops at 9pm. They never look that happy about it, do they? Great in cultures where that is the norm..ie warm countries where there are late meals outside, children wandering along seafront, etc. Lovely on holiday.

Over here where they are whinging in buggies, outside Curry's and Wallis, ridiculous. Surprised op has had such a bashing.

I also think that as much sleep before midnight is really valuable.

Cat98 · 06/03/2011 07:42

What about children who don't need as much sleep as all the books say? Ds is one of these. Bed before 8 and he's up at 5 am raring to go. No thanks! He is happy on the sleep he gets. If I tried to put him down at 7 just because that's the time on the clock and he's not tired - well, i'd be in for a hell of a battle. All children are differeent, op.

bamboostalks · 06/03/2011 07:50

But that is a separate discussion. He may not need to be in bed but is a shopping centre the best place for him at that time? Surely some time at home at 8pm would be conducive to a relaxing night?

Nataby · 06/03/2011 07:52

Caz 10 just affirmed my belief that strict bedtimes for babies and toddlers are more for the convenience of parents than child. It's so you can get them out of the way to do housework and work.

Here is a novel concept, do it with them if they are toddlers they can even learn something and try as much as possible to do work at work.

To those who feel able to see a crying child and without any further information about the situation, deduce the cause of their upset, you obviously know something I don't know yet.

Sometimes, kids cry because that is the only language they have. Like I said earlier, they are probably upset it's time to go home.

On the other hand, if you think babes and toddies should be seen and not heard, then frankly I don't care what you think.

Flisspaps · 06/03/2011 07:55

I had my bawling, exasperated daughter at a shopping centre yesterday, ruining the shopping experience of all present (including me) and I could see that most people we passed wanted me to remove my daughter from the vicinity so they could carry on with their shopping in peace.

It was 2pm.

Head back to the 1950s, you'll find that 'all about baby' society means sticking them outdoors in their prams all day.

DaisyDaresYOU · 06/03/2011 08:03

Yabu Not everyones lucky enough to have children that go to sleep at before 8..I'v taken my kids to the supermarket (to pick up some medicine)at 9pm shock horror and they go up thier nans and don't get home till 9.30pm Shock

bamboostalks · 06/03/2011 08:09

Of course there are occasions when all children have late bedtimes and that is fine, it is lovely seeing children up at family parties etc but I really think there are times when children should be safely at home relaxing into a bedtime routine but each to our own. I have to say that I do not know anyone, and that is taking into account lots of different sleep patterns etc, who has their children out and about at shopping centres past 7pm, even 6 would be unusual. I personally avoid it all times with my dc!

nobodyimportant · 06/03/2011 08:13

I can't believe the number of kids you see in shops late all have sleep disorders or late sleep routines. I often see whole families with kids ranging from toddler to school age being dragged around a supermarket. Surely a 5 or 6 yr old, who needs to be at school the next day, should not be out shopping at 9 or 10pm? That disturbs me more than seeing babies out at that time because I know they can have their own rhythm. Less so if they are younger siblings though because then in most cases they will get up to take the older ones to school.

So YANBentirelyU

differentnameforthis · 06/03/2011 08:13

rinabean

My dd2 goes to bed at 8pm & wakes at 6. She has also gone to bed at 10pm & still woken at 6.

So no, early bedtimes & early rising are not always connected.

DaisyDaresYOU · 06/03/2011 08:20

My ds goes to school.He will not go to sleep till about 10 he has alot of energy and wakes up 7.30 and still has a load of energy.He has always been the same.I though he would change when starting school.He hasn't and my dd wakes up 3times in the night has done for 2and a half years.Not everyone has brilliant sleepers

mrsgetonwithit · 06/03/2011 08:21

I agree with the OP kids should be home in bed at 8pm.........or if not in bed bathed and ready for bed and winding down.