AIBU to only have one child?

[Slinkysista]

My son is three and I totally adore him, he is wonderful and easily the best thing to ever happen to me. However he is now at the stage where he'll be starting nursery this September and I will at long last have some time to myself. I get no help from either sets of grandparents and my husband is good but basically the whole childcare thing comes down to me, which is more or less fine. Anyway I am excited at the prospect of getting a job and going back to work and having a bit of a life again but at 36 I know if I am going to have anymore children I need to really get my skates on within the next year or so but the big problem is I don't really want to go through that whole baby bit again ( my son didn't sleep through the night for 18 months).
Would I be unreasonable to just leave it at one? Have heard lots of chat about 'lonely onlys' and 'only child syndrome'. I just can't decide

Everything has it's ups and downs. I think many parents would be surprised at how many children with younger siblings come to our house and are repeatedly vocal about how nice it is to get on with games without having to accommodtae younger children, or rowning. I always say 'oh, but you wouldn't be without your sister' or something to be positive, but it is a constant and vehement refrain.

Our DD is an only child, not really by choice as both DH & I are 1 of 2, so both thought 2 would be the natural thing to do, I fell easily with DD, but as an older Mum (much older than you) knew we were very lucky -

it just didn't happen a 2nd time around & niether of us felt IVF etc was a route we wanted to go down - it happened as Nature intended - or not at all - & now, even if it were possible I realise I wouldn't actually want to go back & cope with the whole baby thing again, health problems would make that very difficult anyway.

I do sometimes feel sad for DD, as she has no close Cousins either, but she is bubbly & very gregarious & makes friends very easily & has a core group of close friends since she was very young, she loves her own company though & is happy to entertain herself for hours on end, so as much as part of me wishes it were different, I think she will be okay.

One of our biggest worries was, that out of our circle, we know only 2 only Adult Children - both are to put it mildly high maintenance & very "Princessy" expecting they are the centre of everyones world& prone to throwing fits if not- We would HATE DD to grow up to be this way, so have made a big effort o keep her feet firmly on the ground & make sure she mixed well with other kids from tiny.

Only recently I bumped into an old friend I hadn't seen for a lot of years, & we were comparing notes on our Kids as they played together - I hadn't ever realised she too was an only Child, & though very bubbly & gregarious just like our DD, I have never ever seen her as "princessy" quite the opposite in fact -

she told me, that just like our DD, she did at times moan about wishing she had a Sister or Brother, but then saw how fed up her friends often got over their own & how their families didn't have the holidays, or treats that her family could afford with only 1 child & she realises just how lucky she was & still feels that way, as not having siblings taught her to how mix with other kids & as an adult she has never felt lonely as a result, but instead loves her own company too.

As she put it, it is what it is, I'm an only Child too, but have never regretted that at all, as I'm sure your DD won't

Also, I'm not an only child, & though I love my Brother, he rarely speaks to me, causes a lot of trouble as he is quite a messed up & bitter character, who only after I finished work did I realise has some twisted form of sibling rivalry towards me, he wasn't as successful as I was & now resents my having DD too & has taken little interest in her, he was spoilt rotten as a kid & is what our Mother made him, which sadly is a man who thinks he is owed, still takes from our parents to pay his bills as even though he earns well, he just can't manage his money & I know that when they are gone, he will expect that from

So from that point of veiw -I sometimes wonder if being an only child is really such a bad thing at all
I suspect its not, providing to help your Child to grow up to see the good in it & help them mix well :)

It does have it's advantages, it's not necessarily a lonely hell to go through childhood as an only child.

For example, if we went on family trips to swimming or theme parks etc., I was often allowed to take a friend with me - if I'd had a brother or sister my parents wouldn't have seen the need to take an extra child, and there wouldn't have been room in the car anyway. So I got to spend lots of free time with people I liked - my friends - rather than being stuck with a sibling I might not get on well with.
I'm very good at amusing myself, and rarely get bored.
I've kept closer to wider family - I'm closer to my cousins than I may otherwise have been.

The only time I miss it is when I see DP with his sister and her kids, and think how nice it would be to have my own sibling to spend time with. Plus I have no idea how to argue as I didn't get practice at arguing at home! And I take insults to heart because I think people really mean them. Also I'm dreading anything awful happening to my parents as the burden of their care will rest on me.

I think these days society tends to be largely peer-focussed rather than family-focussed as it was in Victorian times and before. I don't think there are many disadvantages to being an only child as long as opportunities for socialisation are put in place.

Absolutely cattleprod
apart from the argument part. Got plenty of practice with both parents when I was a stroppy teen! (and my cousins were >10y older than me and 50 miles away so never had any contact!)

Parents are a worry, esp if you're an only child of older parents. Mine are both 79 and in not-too-great health. Mum is disabled and they have a stairlift - a boon for both given dad has one replaced knee and needs his hip doing too!

And DS adores going on it!

On socialisation (something I didn't have due to being at home with a SAHM for 5 years and not going out much) I am determined DS isn't going to spend his life being awkward round others, like me.
So I pick him up from nursery today and he's got his head stuck in a book as other kids tear at 90mph round him. So perhaps it is nature not nurture!

i think people are ultimately happy or accepting of the decisions they make or that are made for them - so you will likely end up feeling it was the right decision to either have another or not. There are obviously strong arguments for both. I was literally my brother's punching bag until he went to university but he's a friend now (albeit one who lives thousands of miles away). I see a lot of other siblings make each other's life hell too. (there was some research recently that suggested only children are actually happier and better-adjusted as teenagers because they don't have sibling strife.)

Its up to you but...

My dc1 adores my dc2 and having a second has been good for my first as they play together and they learn from each other and are less selfish and they also have each other and will do later on. Having a sibling is special and I am glad my two have each other. It is bloody hard work but you won't regret having a second!

I never wanted a sibling. I'm perfectly content as an only child. Actually, I know some people with siblings who either wish they were an only child or said that it feels like they are an only child, as they rarely have any contact with their siblings. My father has 12 siblings, but they rarely see each other. In fact, he doesn't even know where his sister lives.