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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want my DH to forgive me

153 replies

inthedoghouse1 · 01/03/2011 19:37

Have namechanged as going to let my H read this.

So.. we spent the last 2 weekends fitting some nice new doors on our cupboards. This morning, while looking for some shoes at the bottom of my cupboard, I lost my balance and fell, and unfortunately hit one of the mirrored doors, and cracked it (not that noticable, but cracked all the same). I immediately apologised a few times, went to work, apologised again by text and email.

Now, 12 hours later, my H is still mad at me and says I should be feeling guilty as well as sorry, as all the hours he spent installing them. Ive said sorry as many times as I can, and now im just getting angry. He says he is going to be angry for weeks still!

AIBU in thinking it was an accident, and he should let it go?

OP posts:
fit2drop · 01/03/2011 22:39

YANBU, he IS BU
If he is going to be angry for weeks, tell him to give you the official date when he expects his anger to calm , Then toodle off on holiday and come back when he feels calmer.
He can wallow in his anger in peace then,
oh and tell him while he's got time on his own theres a mirrored door he can fixWink

worrawanker!

maras2 · 01/03/2011 22:44

I hate the C word but I'd use it to describe him.

shitmagnet · 01/03/2011 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 01/03/2011 22:47

In my more petulant youth, someone reacting like that to an accident with a mirror/door would have sparked me to have destroyed said mirror/door to communicate just what I thought of their reaction.

I can't think of any time that DH has actually been angry angry with me ever, in more than 10 years.

Frustrated or annoyed would be a healthy reaction, but for you to be living with someone who's got this level of underlying, unexpressed anger, to me is worrying.

Can I ask if this is a normal situation for you both?

Is there more to it than the door and mirror?

LoopyLoopsHulaHoops · 01/03/2011 22:50

DH: "He doesn't sound like a very nice man".

sunnydelight · 01/03/2011 22:53

So he has never in his life broken/damaged/dropped something by accident? If so he's a freak, if not he's a prat.

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 01/03/2011 22:54

I cannot believe he wasn't worried first and foremost that you'd hurt yourself :(

I can understand him being annoyed that it was damaged and no longer perfect - but being annoyed about it and annoyed at you are two different things and the only apology you needed to make was for the fact that it's now no longer 'perfect' - more a sharing of disappointment.

He is being a complete and utter wanker to treat you like this and as someone else said - have a schedule for his anger.

Is he often this cold & calculating?

Boobalina · 01/03/2011 23:00

My exh was like this. He expected me to apologise to him for making the laminate on the work top bubble up as I put a hot pan on it that was burning my hand. The work top is 25 years old and really shit, and I fixed it myself....

He was adamant that he deserved an apology for my 'accident'

So pleased I dont need that shit anymore.

Your husband needs to stop sulking and get a grip.

UntitledNo2 · 01/03/2011 23:34

OP, YANBU at all. DP's response (as I asked him for another male perspective) was, and I quote 'OP's H is being a fucking idiot. She could have badly injured herself. Doors are replaceable, his wife isn't, now tell him to cop the fuck on'...

I'd be mighty pissed off at your DH's predicted 'few weeks' anger, TBH. Does he enjoy being angry / pissed off at you? FFS. Accidents happen. I'm a gigantic clutz. So is DP. We both accidentally break things with alarming regularity, however much we try to be careful. Sometimes it's irritating, but, end of the day, it's only stuff, nothing to get too upset about. Please don't feel guilty or apologise any further. Let your 'D'H brood away all he likes over his precious door, the arse.

harpsichordcarrier · 01/03/2011 23:38

DH: 'he sounds like a childish twat'
angry for weeks??
WTF????

AgentZigzag · 01/03/2011 23:40

I like your DPs turn of phrase Untitled Smile

Rhinestone · 01/03/2011 23:42

He needs to put the 'grown man' suit on and zip it up. It's a fucking door.

He's acting like a twattish fuckwit of the highest order. Does he have any good points or is this crystalising a few things for you?

winnybella · 01/03/2011 23:50

Just asked DP how would he react and he said that first he would be concerned for me, than he would say '7 years bad luck for you, he he'.

He said that it's just a fucking mirror.

I feel sorry for you, OP. Your husband is a twat. Tis is no way to treat a person you're supposed to love.

UntitledNo2 · 01/03/2011 23:58

Ah, AgentZigzag, he's rather succinct, eh? Grin And he speaks as someone who has tolerated many years of my breaking/dropping/knocking over things.

DP has been reading this over my shoulder, and is now preening Wink

Rhinestone 'He's acting like a twattish fuckwit of the highest order'. Indeed.

CoronaAndLime · 02/03/2011 00:11

Wellll

Hanging a door is just not that bloody hard ffs!

I would smash the fuck out of the other one and tell him to sulk for a few more weeks.

And I asked Dh if he would be angry with me in the same situation and he said your H is a twat and should get a fucking life

xx

Silver1 · 02/03/2011 00:15

yabu AND your husband needs a bit of help in emotional management. Why do you enable him to behave like that by putting up with it-what is it that is so wonderful about him that you put up with this as a reward, it surely isn't how much he cares about you.

MadamDeathstare · 02/03/2011 02:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

patiencenotmyvirtue · 02/03/2011 04:35

OP, you say you could ask him about his feelings in a few weeks...

Don't ask him.

Sorted. :o

patiencenotmyvirtue · 02/03/2011 04:37

Forgot to say he is an arse of the first water.

Tell him the fall injured your ladybits.

joeking · 02/03/2011 05:35

He sounds like a complete twat.

TechnoKitten · 02/03/2011 06:20

Another male perspective from husband "doors be damned, they can be fixed - I'd be worried about you!"

Can't believe he's planning to be angry at you for weeks - tell him to grow up. He's behaving like an arsebiscuit.

LoveBeingAKnockedUp · 02/03/2011 06:54

He really must be perfect and never do anything wrong Hmm

blackeyedsusan · 02/03/2011 07:38

perhaps i should add that I have a careless h who doesn't seem to take anycare over things/respect the hard work i have put into things. (eg will persist on putting hot pans on the new worksurface when the instructions(!) for it say don't,) so I m a bit biased.

if you were being careless then being cross for a bit would be understandable, but for weeks? no!

1 apology shoould haave been enough, possibly another after a couple of hours when he has calmed down enough to listen, but not lots of apologies.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 02/03/2011 07:44

I can't believe he didn't care that you were hurt. That must make you feel very unloved.

IWantToBeAFairyWhenIGrowUp · 02/03/2011 07:49

I could ask him in a week if he is still angry/stewing over the door, and he will say yes.

Don't ask him then.

He is BVU

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