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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want my DH to forgive me

153 replies

inthedoghouse1 · 01/03/2011 19:37

Have namechanged as going to let my H read this.

So.. we spent the last 2 weekends fitting some nice new doors on our cupboards. This morning, while looking for some shoes at the bottom of my cupboard, I lost my balance and fell, and unfortunately hit one of the mirrored doors, and cracked it (not that noticable, but cracked all the same). I immediately apologised a few times, went to work, apologised again by text and email.

Now, 12 hours later, my H is still mad at me and says I should be feeling guilty as well as sorry, as all the hours he spent installing them. Ive said sorry as many times as I can, and now im just getting angry. He says he is going to be angry for weeks still!

AIBU in thinking it was an accident, and he should let it go?

OP posts:
activate · 01/03/2011 19:58

DP said "It's only a fucking door" too Grin

mmsmum · 01/03/2011 19:58

I think he will know its you op, how many people will have this happened to?

YANBU why apologise at all? You said 'we' were fitting them, accidents happen!

Btw I hope you are alright, and I hope he asked too!

Georgimama · 01/03/2011 19:59

Men are people too (I sound like Bishop Brennan). Your husband is just being a nob. Is he often like this? - I suspect yes.

He should be more concerned about the fact you could have been hurt.

Does he get upset if the hand towels aren't even and straight on the rail, by any chance?

Hullygully · 01/03/2011 19:59

Is he always this controlling?

I think you need to take a long hard look at your relationship.

And then leave him.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 01/03/2011 20:02

You should go OTT - print out - a letter per a4 page - a big "I'm Sorry" banner, run a bubble bath. candles.... go really OTT and if this doesn't shame him into thinking he's actually being a twat....well... I've known men like this.

Alikersh · 01/03/2011 20:02

Yanbu to think it was an accident and he should grow up let it go, Yabu to be so desparate for him to forgive you.
Your op gives the impression that you both worked on the doors, not just him so why is he being so dramatic? doors can be fixed and quite frankly his attitude could do with a bit of fixing too.

thisisyesterday · 01/03/2011 20:03

I think your DH IS like this a lot isn't he?

"I immediately apologised a few times, went to work, apologised again by text and email."

If I had done the same, I'd have apologised. and that would have been it. DP would have been upset, but realised it was an accident and that would have been that.

But you start off by apologising multiple times. I am guessing because you KNEW he would make a massive deal out of it.

I feel really quite sorry for you living with a man like that :(

oh and male perspective:?

I just asked dp and he said (and I quote) "didn't he ask her how she was? she's apologised, it's a door, he's a wanker"

Georgimama · 01/03/2011 20:04

I really doubt that would shame him into anything. I would imagine he would consider that a due and correct response to the OP's terrible crime of falling over and accidentally damaging the doors.

kangers · 01/03/2011 20:09

If I had done some hard work and my husband had had an accident i would have been really annoyed too and been angry for at least 48 hrs.
I bet he won't keep it up for weeks- its too much effort.
It was an accident, but of course he's peed off.
There you go- just suck it up.

fedupofnamechanging · 01/03/2011 20:11

There is definitely something wrong if you feel the need to repeatedly apologise for something which was an accident.

He sounds horrible to live with Sad

emmyloopsyloo · 01/03/2011 20:11

Is he always like this? What a twat.

FreudianSlippery · 01/03/2011 20:13

You FELL! He should be thankful and relieved that you didn't hurt yourself on broken glass. Twat.

BringOnTheGoat · 01/03/2011 20:14

Of course it's upsetting that something you've worked hard on has been broken shortly after you've spent ages making it look nice. Be upset, be disappointed, feel flat about it but angry's not an appropriate response. You did it accidentally, he needs to put it in perspective. What does he want from you? Arsehole

bran · 01/03/2011 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeyface · 01/03/2011 20:17

Quote from DP

"What a wanker"

zookeeper · 01/03/2011 20:18

It's worrying that he should react in this way and worrying that you feel the need to apologise, never mind so profusely for an accident. He sounds abusive to me.

emmyloopsyloo · 01/03/2011 20:24

Agree with zoo, 100%

BringOnTheGoat · 01/03/2011 20:24

Blush I could have worded my post better - 'What does he want from you? Arsehole' - I meant 'What does he want from you? He is being an arsehole!' Blush Grin

JaxTellersOldLady · 01/03/2011 20:32

My DH just did Hmm face and shook his head.

I hope you are ok first of all, but then if the doors are so flimsy that they crack when stumbled into then maybe they arent supposed to be used for wardrobes/kitchens.

Does your husband never make a mistake/have an accident?

needafootmassage · 01/03/2011 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fanjolina · 01/03/2011 20:55

Look on Women's Aid website for signs of emotionally abusive and bullying partners. Your husband sounds like one.

Hope you're OK.

MaryBS · 01/03/2011 20:59

YANBU. I reversed DH's car into a skip once, and then badly scratched his brand new car he'd had only a few days, only a few months later. He gave me a hard time, but not as much as yours is giving you!

MadamDeathstare · 01/03/2011 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Queenofchaos · 01/03/2011 21:05

Is it just me or this getting a bit out of hand?
I was very pissed off with DH when he didn't roll in until 6 in the morning recently. I managed to stay pissed off for 2 days despite him apologizing profusely. I wouldn't describe myself as abusive towards him and I don't think he would either.
I am not saying that the OPs DH is behaving reasonably as this was clearly an accident, but I think it is quite OTT to label him an abuser.

BringOnTheGoat · 01/03/2011 21:05

I'm curious as to what you are to expect from his weeks of anger? Will he just be angry about it but keep it to himself or 'make you suffer'?