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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report this guy to his manager?

278 replies

AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 17:48

Dh took one of our dc with him to Tesco earlier. They did a bit of shopping and then he took her to the cafe for a drink and a scone.
Whilst they were eating dh overheard another customer ask a cafe worker if he would keep an eye on her things,while she took her child to the loo.
The worker said yes.
The same worker then approached my dh and dd's table and said to dh..."check out the hot young mum when she comes out the toilet!!"Shock

Dh gave him one of these Hmm and turned away.
He told me when he got home,I was shocked and angry,not least because some perv had spoken like this infront of dd.

I rang Tesco and complained to the manager,who told me he was appalled.

my mum however,thought I was ott.
So,was I bu?

OP posts:
SpringchickenGoldBrass · 27/02/2011 21:41

It's generally an understood principle in law that witness testimony must be for something you actually witnessed. I'm reminded of all those laughble fuckwits who complain to the Daily Mail about 'disgusting' television programmes they haven't actually watched.

LessNarkyPuffin · 27/02/2011 21:41

"Being considered a 'hot young mum' is actually a compliment"

OHHHhhh. Well that's all right then. See OP, you didn't need to complain. It's not like he said she was ugly Hmm

SalandersBro · 27/02/2011 21:42

it isn't pc stuff. it's civility and respect for customers, quite important in a customer-service environment.

SalandersBro · 27/02/2011 21:43

this isn't 'law' though. Is it? it's personal conduct in a customer environment.

Original poster
AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 21:43

Was thinking the same thing SalandersBro!Crazy..we're not in a bloody court room..my husband told me what happened,I don't doubt him.the end? do you want me to cross examine him?!No dh,I DON'T believe you were subject to this comment...take him down..Hmm
I have known him since we were 18,we have 3 children together..I think I might believe him,how strange!

Worraliberty,feel sorry for you if you'd get bigged up from some scrote in tesco thinking you were fit!desperate much?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 27/02/2011 21:45

Well it is a bloody compliment ffs. I wonder if the OP would have complained if she had been there and a female workers said "Phwoaar he's sexy" and nodded towards the toilet where a mail customer had gone?

SalandersBro · 27/02/2011 21:45

AB - i'd give up. Wall and head banging against it. only hurts your head.

LessNarkyPuffin · 27/02/2011 21:45

If she said, 'I was in the cafe...' Then she would have been out of line. She (presumably) told the manager, 'My DH and child were in the cafe..'

What's wrong with that???? It would only be an issue if she said she saw/heard it. And it's hardly complaining about Jerry Springer The Opera is it? She simply repeated what her husband had said which was one line.

GreenEyesandHam · 27/02/2011 21:46

The complaint won't be taken further by the management (not 'officially' anyway). And rightly so.

The person complaining wasn't there, didn't hear it and the person who it was allegedly said to didn't warrant it appropriate to either challenge the member of staff, or raise a complaint at the time.

It could be a simple misunderstanding, it could be malicious or it could be total bollocks. No manager would be able to take it further, although they might see fit to have a 'quiet word'

usualsuspect · 27/02/2011 21:46

He was a twat for saying what he said ,but I find the what do you expect he works in tescoremarks even more offensive tbh

worraliberty · 27/02/2011 21:47

Lmao at desperate. Your complaint smacks of desperation OP. You sound positively desperate to make yourself look as though you complained for the 'greater good'.

Btw, I think the 'she wasn't hot cos she was eating chips and gravy' makes your husband sound like he's too scared to say he agreed with the Tesco employee.

If only she'd been eating lobster pmsl

52Girls · 27/02/2011 21:48

A scrote, cretinous, perv, freak...I may have missed some though. Any more you'd like to add, OP?!

Go on, do your worst.

Boohooyou · 27/02/2011 21:51

God Op you sound like a right miserable old trollop.
You have thrush, tired and an ill baby, do you not think this may have led to you massively over reacting?

The majority of posters have very clearly said yabu do you think then you may possible being unreasonable??
No - thought not.

Boohooyou · 27/02/2011 21:52

possibly

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 21:52

Why the hell would you base someone's level of attractiveness on their choice of food? Okay if she was dribbling gravy down her chin and stuffing chips up her nose then he might have a point.

He obviously had a good look at her/her dinner - maybe that's why the cafe worker approached him and said what he did as he though he'd found a kindred spirit?

Fucking weird thing for your DH to have said to be honest.

Original poster
AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 21:55

worralliberty...saying things like lmao off and pmsl,doesn't help your case!we're not on facebook,and I'm not 12.
As I said,dh is sitting next to me quite amused,I read your post out to him,I won't tell you what he said,but if you think some random guy commenting on your appearance "is a compliment" then I am not the one smacking of desparation!

greeneyesandham a quiet word is all it needs

OP posts:
Original poster
AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 21:58

boohooyou,yup,probably.Am not in the best of moods,but I object to the old,I'm only 30!I still don't think it's right to talk to customers like that esp infront of kids,and personally I think it's bizarre..but if i'm in the minority I accept that,I don't understand it,but I'll accept it.
Salandars..i think you're right Smile

OP posts:
worraliberty · 27/02/2011 21:59

Calm down lovey pmsl Wink

Of course a random person commenting on your appearance is a compliment. If a random person in the school playground said "You look pretty today" is that not a compliment?

Random people compliment others all the time. If you take offence to the way they phrase it (or more likely because you were not there and this hot woman was) that's something you should deal with.

Trying to get someone sacked over your own insecurity is nasty imo.

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 22:00

greeneyesandham a quiet word is all it needs

Which is exactly what everyone has said. A quiet word from your DH at the time, not an official complaint from his unusually outraged wife.

Case proved. NEXT!

GreenEyesandHam · 27/02/2011 22:00

I agree. And I think it's weird as well FWIW.

Look on the bright side though, at least it wasn't said when you were with them Shock :o

GreenEyesandHam · 27/02/2011 22:01

'I agree' was to the quiet word thing

LessNarkyPuffin · 27/02/2011 22:05

Just asked my DH. He said that your DH should have said something, but that it was such a bizarre thing to happen that he's not surprised that he didn't and that he would've been thrown by it.

He also said that whatever shit men might talk amongst themselves there's a line, and that saying that in front of a child definitely crossed it.

cantspel · 27/02/2011 22:07

He must having been having a good look to notice what she was eating in the first place.

Original poster
AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 22:08

I think the quiet word should come from his boss,tbh.
worral.If a man in the playground said I looked pretty,I'd think he was weird and make sure he didn't follow me home,especially if I had dc's with me!If a mum said it I'd say ah,thanks!Smile and walk home feeling 'tractive.
Very different.
Plus,Im not fighting the other womans corner,she may or may not have beenthrilled to find she was being lusted after by a tesco employee.What I found unacceptable,was that he chose to come over and involve my family in it.I stand by my comments that this was weird,innappropriate adn that his boss needs to tell him not to do it again

OP posts:
Mumi · 27/02/2011 22:09

"best she (DD) gets used to it" - no: best men get used to women not putting up with it.

If my DC has been exposed to inappropriate behaviour, including language about sexual desirability, I will seek to make my objections known and have them taken seriously whether I was there at the time or not.

I can understand OP's DH not reacting more strongly at the time. It certainly it takes me a few moments for it to sink in that people really do still act this way in this day and age.