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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel peeved at a little old(ish) lady.....

155 replies

MissHavishamsDress · 26/02/2011 23:42

who bagged herself a seat on the bus next to my seated 4-year old dd, before I had a chance to sit down next to her. I'm 7 months pregnant.

The lady in question seemed to be in her early 60s, not particularly ancient, and said she had heavy bags with her, so I did feel a little awkward about asking her if I could sit next to my dd, but I it was her rudeness at her refusal to budge that annoyed me - even to let my dd past. I pointed out I was pregnant, but gracefully found another seat at the back of the bus, and dd sat next to the unsmiling lady for part of the journey before finally making her way next to me.

Inside I was seething at her obstinacy, but she was a little old lady, after all, so my anger was perhaps unjustified. Will be laughing about it tomorrow, I'm sure

OP posts:
freshmint · 26/02/2011 23:43

so why didn't you take your four year olds seat and let her stand/perch on your knee?

why do you have priority over an older person with heavy bags?

YABU

squeakytoy · 26/02/2011 23:44

Did your child run ahead and sit there?

I would have asked her to let your child out so that you could get seats somewhere together.

corns12k · 26/02/2011 23:45

your child didn't need a seat
pregnancy is not a disability

SeeJaneKick · 26/02/2011 23:46

You mean she wouldn't let your child out???

I ould have removed her firly from the seat and got my child out anyway!

Bit surprisd you letyour DC sit next to her tbh.

SeeJaneKick · 26/02/2011 23:46

firmly...not firly!

BluddyMoFo · 26/02/2011 23:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Grabaspoon · 26/02/2011 23:48

You chose to be pregnant - it doesn't give you more priority over the old lady. Why didn't you

a) sit down on dd's seat and put her on her lap
b) tell dd to come sit down on a different seat

Original poster
MissHavishamsDress · 26/02/2011 23:50

Freshmint, that wouldn't have been possible, there's not space for both dd and bump on my knee.

Squeaky toy, that's what I did, very politely, but if I were the lady in question, I would have been slightly more apologetic.

OP posts:
abbierhodes · 26/02/2011 23:51

So she wouldn't let your daughter past her? That's crazy!

freshmint · 26/02/2011 23:52

She could have stood. She is neither pregnant nor old. Nor, I assume, was she carrying heavy bags.

abbierhodes · 26/02/2011 23:53

Oh, and grabaspoon, how on earth do you know that the OP "chose to be pregnant"? What a horrid judgemental comment!

squeakytoy · 26/02/2011 23:53

I dont see what this lady had to apologise for. All she did was sit down.

I have been on buses where children have just run ahead pushing past other people to get to a seat. Is this what happened? She must have been in front of you for this lady to sit down after her.

Original poster
MissHavishamsDress · 26/02/2011 23:54

I didn't let dd sit next to the lady, the lady came and sat next to dd, and was not disabled.

I am fit and do not consider myself disabled, however, I would not have imagined anyone would usually try to sit between a young child and mother under the circumstances. There were other seats available after all.

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 26/02/2011 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MissHavishamsDress · 27/02/2011 00:00

Well, I did feel peeved when the lady seemed reluctant to let dd pass to come and sit near me. My mother would have been much more polite.

OP posts:
BialystockandBloom · 27/02/2011 00:00

YANBU. She obviously knew you were with your dd, who had already sat down. She could have easily moved to another seat.

Yes, pregnancy isn't a disability in itself, but neither is being in your early 60s.

On tubes and some trains now, the priority seats have pictures of old/disabled/pregnant/child-carrying people.

Grabaspoon · 27/02/2011 00:01

Abier I don't see it as a horrid judgemental comment Hmm

Pregnancy is a choice - growing old/being disabled isn't. Just because someone is pregnant doesn't mean that they deserve a seat. If it had been a young/healthy/able bodied person then yes I would have expected that they give up the seat however an elderly person deserves a seat at the front of the bus as 1) they may struggle to get to the back of the bus 2) they may have heavy bags with them. Being pregnant doesn't prevent the OP finding another seat.

BluddyMoFo · 27/02/2011 00:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 00:03

I used to use the Northern Line every day when I was pregnant with first DS and no bugger ever offered me their seat even when I was 8 months pregnant. Bastards. I'd never have expected an old(ish) lady to give up her seat for me though.

My finest moment however was puking on the shiny shoes of some city gent who was hiding behind his newspaper pretending he didn't know that me and my enormous bump were there. In my defence it wasn't deliberate, I had morning sickness for my entire pregnancy and it was particularly hot and stuffy that day.

Blush
BeerTricksPotter · 27/02/2011 00:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VerylazyBecsy · 27/02/2011 00:08

i wouldve instructed the child to climb over the lovely lady with the heavy bags. What a cow. yanbu

abbierhodes · 27/02/2011 00:08

Pregnancy is not always a choice!

Original poster
MissHavishamsDress · 27/02/2011 00:10

Pregnancy for me is the very happy result of 4 years trying after dd and many MCs. The best thing ever Smile

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 27/02/2011 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Grabaspoon · 27/02/2011 00:13

abbier Ok it's not always a choice - but if you enter into sexual relations with/without protection then you know there are chances of becoming pregnant - therefore it is a choice. Unlike becoming old etc.

And agree with Beer - it's a bus. It's hardly a cruise ship - you will have been able to see DD at all times even if sat in a different part of the bus from you and you can/could collect her as you leave the bus at the end of your journey.