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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel peeved at a little old(ish) lady.....

155 replies

MissHavishamsDress · 26/02/2011 23:42

who bagged herself a seat on the bus next to my seated 4-year old dd, before I had a chance to sit down next to her. I'm 7 months pregnant.

The lady in question seemed to be in her early 60s, not particularly ancient, and said she had heavy bags with her, so I did feel a little awkward about asking her if I could sit next to my dd, but I it was her rudeness at her refusal to budge that annoyed me - even to let my dd past. I pointed out I was pregnant, but gracefully found another seat at the back of the bus, and dd sat next to the unsmiling lady for part of the journey before finally making her way next to me.

Inside I was seething at her obstinacy, but she was a little old lady, after all, so my anger was perhaps unjustified. Will be laughing about it tomorrow, I'm sure

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacey · 27/02/2011 17:18

This thread is madness. Some of you are so bloody worthy it's sickening. And can't read judging by some of the replies. The op said early on that the woman wouldn't let the child past. So why the fuck do you insist on asking stupid questions that the OP covered in her first post?

This thread is the absolute worst of MN.

alemci · 27/02/2011 17:23

Freshmint i think you should let it go. be the better person. she seems a bit petty and she should have let your dd out.

It irritates me on the underground when small children are taking up seats and adults are standing. I think they should sit on their parent's lap and give their seat up for an older person.

chickchickchicken · 27/02/2011 17:25

actually further down the thread the OP said that the elderly woman was 'reluctant' to let her dd past

i read it that she may have been feeling grumpy as presumably OP let her dd jump the queue to get the seat or surely they would have been walking up the aisle together

bupcakesandcunting · 27/02/2011 17:26

Well, at seven months pregnant with severe SPD I would have needed to sit down as standing for long periods rendered me crippled for the rest of the day and in tears from the sheer pain of it.

So whilst pregnancy isn't a disability, certain conditions arising from pregnancy make standing and walking pretty difficult. You'd probably do well to remember that if you're planning on admonishing a preggers woman for wanting a seat. Just saying.

And elderly is subjective. My MIL is 64 so may be "elderly" in age but physically she is stout. She wouldn't let a pregnant woman stand or use her age as a bartering tool for a bus seat.

nancydrewfoundaclue · 27/02/2011 17:28

gwendoline I am inclined to agree.

What a load of hysterical, bitchy nonsense.

I can't imagine anyone who has challenged the OP on this thread would actually have behaved like the woman.

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 17:31

bupcakes

The OP DID sit down, just further up the bus. She wasn't made to stand up and neither was her daughter.

If I thought my child was being deliberately prevented from leaving their seat I wouldn't have walked off and left them there. I think the 'wouldn't let her past' bit has been exagerated somewhat because if it's true then what does that say about the OP for leaving the child in that situation?

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 27/02/2011 17:33

Christ on a bike - you lot can argue about some tripe

Grin
bupcakesandcunting · 27/02/2011 17:34

Yes, I know the OP sat down, private. I was aiming that at the people saying that pregnancy isn't a disability ergo pregnant women should be able to stand etc etc.

Oh and I forgot to say; Janiesmum you're a twat.

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 17:39

bupcakes sorry Blush

And FWIW I would always offer my seat to a pregnant woman, pensioner or anyone with a disability. I was brought up to do that.

I have, however, had the embarrassing situation of offering my seat to someone I thought was pregnant and being told to "fuck off you bitch". From that I deduced she was actually a salad-dodger rather than pregant.

'tis a minefield out there ...

chickchickchicken · 27/02/2011 17:42

Grin at private. i've done that too

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 17:46

Bloody embarrassing isn't it Chick - both for you and the rotund person in question.

bupcakesandcunting · 27/02/2011 17:48

Oh God, if anyone ever mistakenly took me for a preggers woman, I'd graciously accept the seat and say "yes, not long now" whilst patting pie belly. Saves embarrassment all round Grin

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 17:56

I think my worst experience was bumping into an old friend I hadn't seen for a couple of months and they asked me when my baby was due.

I replied "he's two weeks old now"

It wouldn't have been so bad if I'd kept some baby weight on me but I was already back in size 10 jeans FFS (those were the days!)

PrincessFiorimonde · 27/02/2011 17:58

Here is a possible scenario:

I am 63 years old. I have just done the shopping for myself and my 70-year-old housebound husband. I have waited almost an hour at the bus stop and I am pretty fed up. My ankles have started to feel a bit puffy and I am really feeling that twinge of arthritis in my leg. I need to sit down.

The bus comes, I get on. I see there are seats at the back of the bus, but I really don't want to carry my heavy shopping all the way to the back unless I really have to.

But here is a seat at the front of the bus. A little girl is sitting in the window seat, and there is space next to her. There's a couple of people sitting behind her; probably she belongs to them. If not, I don't much care - her parent(s) must be sitting nearby, and I need to sit down.

A woman gets on after I have sat down. I can see she is pregnant. She says that it is her daughter who is sitting next to me, and asks me to move so that they can sit together. I think about standing up on a moving bus, gathering all my bags and trying to get to the back of the bus - and I say no.

bupcakesandcunting · 27/02/2011 18:01

Use the Ring 'n' Ride, Princess

They are there for people like you with your puffy ankles.

PrincessFiorimonde · 27/02/2011 18:04

Never heard of that, bupcakes.

Ormirian · 27/02/2011 18:10

Knackered elderly lady with lots of shopping bags sat down in the first available seat she could find. Didn't want to move once she had sat down. I don't blame her.

7m pregnant. Old and tired. Not sure there is much to choose between them in this particular entitlement contest TBH.

PrincessFiorimonde · 27/02/2011 18:39

However, in my possible scenario I should have added - however puffy my ankles/how pleased I am to sit in the front seat with my heavy shopping, I should have allowed the little girl to squeeze past me to get to her mother. Otherwise I am very strange.

bupcakesandcunting · 27/02/2011 18:42

"7m pregnant. Old and tired. Not sure there is much to choose between them in this particular entitlement contest TBH."

Meeeeeeeeeeowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Grin Grin Grin

exoticfruits · 27/02/2011 19:09

She wasn't an elderly lady! She was early 60s(according to OP).Unless she had disabilities she was being lazy.(If she was elderly it would be a different scenario).

veritythebrave · 27/02/2011 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 27/02/2011 19:18

Old ladies can be dreadful. When I was pregnant I didn't feel well in a shop and sat down on the only chair and if looks could kill........(she was however elderly, I wouldn't have felt in the least guilty if she was in her 60s).

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 19:18

Maybe she had mental health issues such as early onset dementia, or even a learning disability which influenced how she reacted to the OP.

It's all speculation really isn't it as the OP has no real idea how old the woman was (unless it was her mum) and no idea whether or not she had physical or mental health problems.

She could, of course, have just been a spiteful old bag Grin

exoticfruits · 27/02/2011 19:25

I think that it would have been simplest for OP to insist, at the time, that she let her past. If it has been me, and she wouldn't, I think that I would have said 'well so be it, but she isn't well and may be sick at any minute'-I guarantee she would have moved, however old and whatever the disabilities! Grin

Ormirian · 27/02/2011 19:50

I'm 46. I am going thru the menopause. I have much less energy than I did 10 yes ago . A days shopping often leaves me knackered. She might not be 'old' but she might be older than the OP. Why could the OP not simply sit somewhere else with or with her DD and not make a fuss? Give the old gal the benefit of the doubt and let it go.

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