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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel peeved at a little old(ish) lady.....

155 replies

MissHavishamsDress · 26/02/2011 23:42

who bagged herself a seat on the bus next to my seated 4-year old dd, before I had a chance to sit down next to her. I'm 7 months pregnant.

The lady in question seemed to be in her early 60s, not particularly ancient, and said she had heavy bags with her, so I did feel a little awkward about asking her if I could sit next to my dd, but I it was her rudeness at her refusal to budge that annoyed me - even to let my dd past. I pointed out I was pregnant, but gracefully found another seat at the back of the bus, and dd sat next to the unsmiling lady for part of the journey before finally making her way next to me.

Inside I was seething at her obstinacy, but she was a little old lady, after all, so my anger was perhaps unjustified. Will be laughing about it tomorrow, I'm sure

OP posts:
VerylazyBecsy · 27/02/2011 01:41

EXACTLY the point im making PG! Thanks so much. Then we can assume that any pregnant woman of any age (who may have SDP, morning sickness etc) has as much right to a priority seat as a normal 60yo with heavy bags...in fact more right to a seat because her dd was sat waiting for her mother to sit next to her. And, if that 60yo really didnt want to move the pregnant lady could at least expect the courtesy of a woman with undefined and probably non-existent age-related ailments to more aside for her dd.

VerylazyBecsy · 27/02/2011 01:42

hahahaha pg im guilty of the sameBlush

VerylazyBecsy · 27/02/2011 01:44

im off to bed and to OP im very sorry for taking over your thread Grin i hope i fought your corner well though

chickchickchicken · 27/02/2011 01:45

VLB - no-one said lady was disabled. front seats are for elderly/disabled. OP said woman was in her 60s. she is entitled to sit on front seats.

of course some people in their 60s need to sit there. a 4yr old who isnt disabled does not need to sit there.

why isnt it enough that woman explained she had heavy bags? why should she also have to say 'im old and im disabled'? whether she is or not she doesnt have to explain all her ailments because a fit pregnant woman wants to sit next to her child

chickchickchicken · 27/02/2011 01:47

OMG heard it all now

AgentZigzag · 27/02/2011 02:06

I'm not sure about the rights and wrongs of the OP, but I had to mark 'so apologies for likening your Aunt to Jimmy Saville. No excuse for that ...' in some way.

That's the most bizarre, the most amazing apology I've ever encountered.

Ta for the laugh privategodfrey.

Grin
Firawla · 27/02/2011 02:24

The front seats are for elderly, disabled, pregnant and people with small children. and the picture of the elderly shows a person with a walking stick, which to me doesn't indictate a healthy 60 yrs old. so could say OP had just as much right to the priority seats if not more, in that situation.
Some people who are middle aged or slightly old seem to think they have such a right for those seats. I've been on the bus before and a guy got out that seat specifically for me, being heavily pregnant and some middle age lady jumped into it quick as a flash! can't be that elderly and unfit if they are able to move that quick, sometimes they are just selfish

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 02:37

That's the most bizarre, the most amazing apology I've ever encountered

Blush

Well I've met Sir Jimmy in the (very wrinkled) flesh and it really was an unforgivable comment.

Unless of course this is VLB's Auntie

Time for bed methinks >>>>>>

Tortington · 27/02/2011 04:05

the kid should have stood

nomoreheels · 27/02/2011 08:25

FFS there are some rude responses here & negative attitudes towards pregnancy and needs.

I am 6 months PG & I am exhausted after a few hours out. I have no car, I rely on public transport. There is no way I could stand for a longer bus journey now, I'd probably faint. Luckily I've generally managed to get a seat, though I have let a few very full looking buses pass as I could just tell it would be hard work. I do not get the "pregnancy is not a disease" arguments here, on a forum for parents of all places!

(When I wasn't P I would happily stand if I needed to and often gave up my seat for people in need.)

I find it weird that the woman sat down next to a 4 year old - that's really young & I'd just assume someone was coming along. I would never separate a carer from a young child & I certainly wouldn't have refused to let her pass to rejoin the carer. She had a right to sit down of course, but she sounds odd & selfish.

BabyBeatle · 27/02/2011 08:39

completely agree nomoreheels.

How odd for people to say op doesn't need a seat- she's 7 months pregnant for crying out loud! I've always given up seats (when not pregnant myself) to people who need them, or moved seats so a parent and child can sit together. It wouldn't have hurt the older woman to sit in the seat nearer the back of the bus so the op cold sit with her daughter.... common sense and manners, surely?!

pigletmania · 27/02/2011 08:46

YABU your dd does not need a seat, she could have stood in front of you, or perched on your knees. You could have said to the lady,'excuse me, please' in a firm tone so that she could move for youer dd.

Inertia · 27/02/2011 08:49

MissHavisham, I think you are getting a bit of a hard time here. I think at 7 months pregnant it's reasonable to expect to sit, and I also think it's reasonable to expect to sit next to your own 4 year old child- not because you assume that the other passengers are going to harm them, just that 4 year old children are not really old enough to take responsibility for their own behaviour, and some of them get scared about being separated from their parent.

Seems to me that the woman was making a point about being more deserving of the seat than you. Not letting your child out is odd- I would have told your daughter to squeeze out if the woman wouldn't move.

JoBettany · 27/02/2011 09:03

YANBU. Anybody seeing a 4 year old child sitting on her own on a bus would presume that a parent was coming along to sit beside them.

The fact that this lady then wouldn't let your DD get out of her seat is odd too.

IME it would be normal to either let you in to sit down or allow your DD to squeeze past so she could be with her mummy.

I take buses all the time and my DS is more than used to them. Under the age of 5 he would have been unnerved by this and most probably have got upset.

What a strange way for the lady to behave.

I agree with the poster who mentioned common sense and manners!

belgo · 27/02/2011 09:08

YANBU, agree with Jobettany. Standing on a bus at seven months pregnancy can be very uncomfortable.

The 'pregnancy is not a disability' line always comes out on these threads, despite the fact that some of us are very ill and even disabled by pregnancy.

belgo · 27/02/2011 09:10

I read these threads and some people seem to think how DARE any woman who thinks they could possibly deserve to sit down on a bus.

Knackeredmother · 27/02/2011 09:18

Early 60s isn't old. I'd say heavy pregnancy wins the seat! Yanbu

veritythebrave · 27/02/2011 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Laquitar · 27/02/2011 09:35

How did your dd got the seat?

I've seen many parents encouraging children to push everybody and go and get a seat and then expecting that the seat next to dc stays empty waiting for them. It teaches children to be rude and shelfish.

Back to OP, it is ok for your dd to sit for 5 min next to an 'unsmiling lady'.

veritythebrave · 27/02/2011 09:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 27/02/2011 09:43

TBH, I don´t see why she should give up her seat.

OP can sit in her daughter´s seat, daughter can stand.

Is 7months really so big that your daughter can´t get on your knee?

I now we are all different, but I wsn´t in maternity clothes by then.

veritythebrave · 27/02/2011 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

belgo · 27/02/2011 09:50

'I now we are all different, but I wsn´t in maternity clothes by then.'

Possibly that clouds your judgement diddl?

I was in maternity clothes by seven weeks with dc3.

snowcake · 27/02/2011 09:54

YABU, and shouldn't your 4 year old start learning to give priority to elderly people instead of homing in on a seat and hogging it?

You found a seat together with your dd, that's great. You are using public transport. If you want special treatment, get a car. And yes, I am pregnant, too but I would rather ask a man to get up and let me have a seat than another woman, let alone an elderly lady.

Laquitar · 27/02/2011 09:56

But you all miss the point: the lady was unsmiling! She didn't smile at dd! Hmm