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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel peeved at a little old(ish) lady.....

155 replies

MissHavishamsDress · 26/02/2011 23:42

who bagged herself a seat on the bus next to my seated 4-year old dd, before I had a chance to sit down next to her. I'm 7 months pregnant.

The lady in question seemed to be in her early 60s, not particularly ancient, and said she had heavy bags with her, so I did feel a little awkward about asking her if I could sit next to my dd, but I it was her rudeness at her refusal to budge that annoyed me - even to let my dd past. I pointed out I was pregnant, but gracefully found another seat at the back of the bus, and dd sat next to the unsmiling lady for part of the journey before finally making her way next to me.

Inside I was seething at her obstinacy, but she was a little old lady, after all, so my anger was perhaps unjustified. Will be laughing about it tomorrow, I'm sure

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 27/02/2011 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

veritythebrave · 27/02/2011 14:19

This reply has been deleted

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nancydrewfoundaclue · 27/02/2011 14:20

Fuck me there is some nastiness on this thread Shock

nancydrewfoundaclue · 27/02/2011 14:22

Also am I the only one who has DC's under 6 who if made to stand on a bus/tube go careering onto the floor evrytime a corner is taken or brakes are slammed on?

They just don't seem to "get" how tightly they need to hold on, nor do they seem to anticpate when it might be necessary to really hang on. Other than that they are really quite bright Grin

Inertia · 27/02/2011 14:23

I'm actually a bit bemused by all the people saying that a 4 year old should stand on the bus. We travel regularly by bus ; DD2 is 4 , and if she were to stand she would be thrown all over the bus- she doesn't have the strength to stand safely. And I am genuinely astounded at the lack of compassion shown to heavily pregnant women- pregnancy isn't an illness, but for some women it does lead to illness and restricted mobility. Surely on most buses there are fit, able bodied adults who could give up a seat so an elderly woman, a pregnant woman and a small child could all sit.

At first I thought the woman on the bus was making a point about deserving the seat more. Now I am wondering whether she thought her bags were more deserving of the space (easier to bundle up your bags on a 4 yo's seat than on a seat which contains a 4yo on her pg mother's knee).

FaintlyMacabre · 27/02/2011 14:24

I don't know about 4 year olds, but my 3 year old DS is not safe to stand on a bus. Round here, the drivers give you about 3 seconds to sit down before rapidly accelerating away from the stop, causing everyone standing to lurch backwards. We then proceed at 30 mph around corners, down hills etc, before the brakes are slammed on 5 metres before the next stop. Even sitting down can be risky- I often have to stop DS falling off his seat as we career about.

So, I'm not entirely sure about the rights and wrongs of this situation, but IMO a small child needs to sit down on a bus, next to/on the lap of their carer.

pozzled · 27/02/2011 14:27

"Im not sure how you can stop a four year old getting past on a seat without physically holding them back?"

I'm puzzled about why people don't understand this. The buses that I use (in London) really don't have a lot of room. If you sit near the window, and someone is in the aisle seat it is virtually impossible to get past. The other person needs to move, or you would have to climb over them.

I agree that the OP and her DD should have just gone to sit elsewhere, but if the old lady was refusing to let the DD out I can see how it could be very awkward. And intimidating for a 6 year-old.

edam · 27/02/2011 14:28

I wouldn't expect a 4yo to stand on the bus, they'd probably get bumped by adults standing/bags/briefcases/fall over as the bus went round a corner. If the bus was busy, I'd expect the parent to have the child on their knee. (But if the parent is heavily p/g, that is obviously not possible.)

I would expect older children and teenagers who are perfectly capable of standing to give up their seat for people who need it more.

Driftwood999 · 27/02/2011 14:30

OP I am amazed at the "rough ride" you are getting here. I completely understand your feelings and think you expressed yourself well and moderately. I agree with Inertia - a young child does not have the strength or centre of gravity to prevent them from being thrown about. You managed the situation with grace.

goldenbirdies · 27/02/2011 14:31

My mother is a fit and well 81 year old and regularly gives up her seat on the bus to children/disabled/other elderly/pregnant etc etc

Pregnancy is not an illness but only an argumentative berk would suggest that you didn'need a bit of extra consideration when you're 7 months gone. The old lady sounds like a miserable boot and so do many posters on this thread.

exoticfruits · 27/02/2011 14:31

Early 60's isn't old!! I know women of that age who run marathons and ski black runs, ride horses etc. (sorry I just can't get over her being described as an 'old lady'-she needs at least 15 more years!)

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 14:33

The child would not have had to stand, there were other seats available.

The OP clearly didn't have any real concern about her DD sitting next to this woman or she would have demanded that the old lady move so her child could get out.

I still think the little girl went ahead of her Mum and got a seat while the Mum queued behind the old woman. If this was the case then maybe the old lady sat next to her on purpose to make a point about lack of manners/pushing in front?

exoticfruits · 27/02/2011 14:33

Of course a women in her early 60's should give up a seat to someone 7months pregnant, unless they are disabled in some way. Sorry-I forgot my point, being so amazed that early 60's = 'old lady'.

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 14:37

exoticfruits

The OP has guessed at the womans age, I very much doubt she saw her birth certificate.

My Mum (RIP) looked like a fit and well 60-something despite being mid-70's and riddled with cancer. It was only in the last six months that she started to look ill/her age. Who knows what hidden disabilities/illness this woman could have had.

veritythebrave · 27/02/2011 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worraliberty · 27/02/2011 14:39

Re a 4yr old standing on a bus. All you have to do is make sure you're holding their arm or whatever tightly. If there was standing room only would you wait another half an hour for a bus with a seat on it for a 4yr old?

exoticfruits · 27/02/2011 14:41

If she had disabilities then she should have had a seat-I was just having a go at all those people who are quite happy to label early 60s as 'old lady'-the ones I know would probably be so cross they would hit them with their handbag! I bet many of them could beat many a young mum in a race!

tinierclanger · 27/02/2011 14:42

60s woman was probably knackered and desperate to sit down and didnt really notice she was sitting next to a child. Fair enough she didnt want to get up again and move with a load of bags but she should've gracefully let child out.

Therefore OP not U to be 'mildly peeved' but no more than that. Pregnancy not a illness but can be classed as temporary disability depending on stage/symptoms.

Janiesmum, vile thing to say.

PlanetEarth · 27/02/2011 14:51

Blimey you lot, I'm glad I didn't have to get the bus much when my kids were little. They must have been about 8 before they could stand on a lurching bus without being thrown around and possibly falling over. I never even much liked them sitting down unless in a rear facing seat, as their legs don't reach the floor at that age and when the bus stops they get thrown smack into the seat in front.

Can't really remember but they also might not have been happy at that age sitting next to a stranger rather than me.

As for "choosing pregnancy therefore you don't deserve any special consideration", words fail me.

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 14:54

Oh FGS - excuse me for shouting but THE CHILD WOULD NOT HAVE HAD TO STAND, there were other seats available

Bogeyface · 27/02/2011 15:08

Yes there were Private, so why the hell didnt the old lady sit on one of those so the OP could sit with her child? Sounds to me like she couldnt be arsed to move and was intent on being as awkward as possible.

I have been on buses before were older women have kicked up a stink about having to share a seat at all, never mind being sensible about a situation like this.

The stupid woman should have either a)allowed the OP to sit with her daughter or b)not been so bloody awkward as to not allow the child to move. I would have been bloody pissed off too!

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 15:14

But surely you would have said something at the time Bogeyface not just walked off and left your child sat next to her? I certainly wouldn't walk off and leave my 4 year old effectively held hostage by a stranger.

This is why I think there's a bit more to it than face value from the OP. If someone was being that rude or unreasonable what sane person would leave their child sat next to a nasty piece of work? very odd.

sue52 · 27/02/2011 16:48

Early sixties is hardly old. My ninety four year old Dad would have to physically restrained to stop him offering his seat to a pregnant woman traveling with a small child.

MrsSchadenfreude · 27/02/2011 16:58

4 year old child should sit on your lap or stand (being held onto tightly by you). No priority for seat. And why didn't you take your child to sit at the back of the bus with you, rather than leaving her with mad woman?

When I used to commute nothing used to piss me off more than women travelling at half term with young children in the rush hour and letting them have a seat each. If they are small, they go on your lap. They don't take up a seat unnecessarily.

FutureNannyOgg · 27/02/2011 17:11

MrsS - The OP explained she can't fit the child on her lap, and that the woman wouldn't let the child past her to go to another seat. Even if she could have put the child on her lap, there remains the issue that the woman wouldn't move to let the child out of the seat, so short of climbing over her (mother or child) that wouldn't be an option.