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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel peeved at a little old(ish) lady.....

155 replies

MissHavishamsDress · 26/02/2011 23:42

who bagged herself a seat on the bus next to my seated 4-year old dd, before I had a chance to sit down next to her. I'm 7 months pregnant.

The lady in question seemed to be in her early 60s, not particularly ancient, and said she had heavy bags with her, so I did feel a little awkward about asking her if I could sit next to my dd, but I it was her rudeness at her refusal to budge that annoyed me - even to let my dd past. I pointed out I was pregnant, but gracefully found another seat at the back of the bus, and dd sat next to the unsmiling lady for part of the journey before finally making her way next to me.

Inside I was seething at her obstinacy, but she was a little old lady, after all, so my anger was perhaps unjustified. Will be laughing about it tomorrow, I'm sure

OP posts:
snowcake · 27/02/2011 09:57

what laquitar and verity have said sums it up really

JoBettany · 27/02/2011 10:02

I would not sit next to a 4 year old child if other seats were available which the OP has said there were. I would presume that the child had run ahead and was waiting for their mother as most 4 year old children do not travel unaccompanied.

If however there were no other seats available and I had to sit next to a very young child I think I would allow the child out to sit with her mother if her mother asked - which the OP did.

I can't imagine why somebody wouldn't.

diddl · 27/02/2011 10:03

"'I know we are all different, but I wasn´t in maternity clothes by then.'

Possibly that clouds your judgement diddl?"

Yes, sorry, completely irrelevant.Blush

(Was thinking was never offered a seat)

I think that the best thing would be for the woman to have sat where the daughter was & OP in aisle seat with daughter in aisle leaning against her?

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 10:11

Just out of interest, was the old lady in front of you in the queue? If so then how did your daughter manage to bag a seat before her without effectively 'pushing in front'. If that's what happened then I'm not surprised the woman was less than understanding.

I hate it when I go to a cafe and the people behind me in the queue send their children to grab a table leaving me with nowhere to sit despite being ahead of them in the queue.

Laquitar · 27/02/2011 10:14

ditto private

eden263 · 27/02/2011 10:20

Grabaspoon, I didn't choose to get pregnant with DD - her father wouldn't take no for an answer. Even though I said no, I didn't want to, he went ahead anyway. I got pregnant. Unfortunately for me, my conscience is such that I don't personally favour abortion as a form of birth control, so I kept the baby. I would never in a million years have chosen to get pregnant by that man. And before you attack me for not getting the morning after pill, he had previously whinged on and on about how he couldn't have children as he had a low sperm count, and that he'd had tests for it etc. So I thought I had no need to worry on that score. It was only once I realised I was pregnant that I found that there was no truth in it at all, he'd just said it for attention.

So no, pregnancy is not always a choice.

eden263 · 27/02/2011 10:21

And sorry that post is off-topic, but what a judgemental thing to say.

anniepanniepears · 27/02/2011 10:28

why are some mn being nasty

janiesmum · 27/02/2011 10:34

I would be worried about my child sitting next to some lunatic woman.

omg, over reaction of the thread

and i claim my five pounds lol

CoronaAndLime · 27/02/2011 10:35

annie

Because there is a 'pregnant person bashing' culture on here.

Angry
janiesmum · 27/02/2011 10:35

Grabaspoon, I didn't choose to get pregnant with DD - her father wouldn't take no for an answer. Even though I said no, I didn't want to, he went ahead anyway.

one word - contraception love

OK thats two :)

belgo · 27/02/2011 10:37

janiesmum- that is an awful post.

CoronaAndLime · 27/02/2011 10:42

Janiesmum

Pity your mum didnt use it.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 27/02/2011 10:44

janiesmum Have you always been a bitch or is it some new hobby you've come across?

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 11:00

Wow, even I'm a bit gobsmacked by that Janiesmum and I'm queen bitch.

Ever considered the fact she wasn't taking contraception because she wasn't having sex until some bloke forced it on her? Should we all take the contraceptive pill 'just in case' some random bloke dedcides to shag us against our wishes?

gig289 · 27/02/2011 11:03

Agree with snowcake - your dd should have stood up and you should have sat down in her seat.

Lovecat · 27/02/2011 11:20

What snowcake said - OP, I think you've taken a bit of an their bashing here from the 'I crawled on my hands and knees over broken glass in pregnancy and didn't complain so neither can you' brigade, but I wouldn't have left a 4yo alone - my DD would have freaked at being apart from me on a bus.

And Janiesmum, what a horrible excuse for a human being you are. Go crawl back under your stone.

nannyl · 27/02/2011 11:23

YANBU

of course being pregnant is not an 'illness'

but when you are 7m pregnant having a child on your knee on a bus when seats are so squashed is pretty tricky....

and most signs are priority seats for the elderly, disabled and HEAVILY PREGNANT ladies!

FutureNannyOgg · 27/02/2011 11:56

I couldn't fit my handbag between my bump and the seat in front when I was 7 months, I distinctly remember sitting on a packed bus with it balanced on my belly (I also recall the woman next to me once dropping a bottle of drink on the floor and asking me to pick it up for her, I tried, but there was no way I was going to get there). I certainly wouldn't have fitted a child on there, let alone appreciated the inevitable boxing match between them and the unborn.

I know people don't like the idea that pg mums might need a bit of consideration, but with a dodgy centre of gravity (poor balance on a moving bus), sensitivity to heat and blood sugar making you want to faint, SPD, backache, it's kind to give them a break. We've (nearly)all been in that position, not everyone was kind to us, but that doesn't mean we should be nasty ourselves. It reminds me a bit of schoolkids being cruel to the new younger kids simply because people were cruel to them. It's not a necessary rite of passage.

On topic, I think it's a bit odd to sit next to a small child that you don't know, but she might have thought she belonged to someone already on the bus, so that is forgivable. Not giving up her seat is also perfectly fair, especially if there were others, but not letting your daughter out to join you is very odd, I can't imagine how that would work. "excuse me, could you just let my daughter past so she can sit with me" "no" ... it just doesn't work in my brains.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 27/02/2011 13:35

"It is my impression that the OP has allowed her dd to run past the queue to bag a seat."

Not necessarily, I could get on a bus with a young child who would go and get a seat while I paid for a ticket. The old(ish) woman could then get on after me and push passed me whilst waving her pass in the general direction of the driver.

I do think it's strange that the woman wouldn't let the OP's DD out so she could sit with her mother. As for those who say the OP could have her DD sitting on her knee, if the woman wouldn't let the DD out what makes you think she would allow the OP do the same thing but in reverse iyswim Confused

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 27/02/2011 13:39

Janiesmum What an horrible, nasty, bitchy comment. Do you work hard at been a bitch or does it come naturally?

worraliberty · 27/02/2011 13:40

I don't get the problem here. The OP is preg and therefore says she needed a seat. The old lady needed a seat too.

Now if the OP taught her (I assume healthy) 4yr old to stand up for adults on the bus, there would be no problem would there?

Out of all 3 people on the seats, the 4yr old needs it the least.

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 13:41

Chaotic But if the old woman had done that then surely the OP would have said so? That would have been a valid point for being pissed off IMO so I'd be very surprised if that was the case and OP hadn't mentioned it.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 27/02/2011 14:08

I don't know whether the OP would have said so. Tbh I wouldn't have thought it gave me more right to the seat so probably wouldn't have given that much detail. If I was the OP I would simply have found another seat, the only part of the op that I am Hmm about is the woman not letting her DD out.

LadyOfTheManor · 27/02/2011 14:12

I would have made the child stand up, as she is neither old nor pregnant.

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