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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel peeved at a little old(ish) lady.....

155 replies

MissHavishamsDress · 26/02/2011 23:42

who bagged herself a seat on the bus next to my seated 4-year old dd, before I had a chance to sit down next to her. I'm 7 months pregnant.

The lady in question seemed to be in her early 60s, not particularly ancient, and said she had heavy bags with her, so I did feel a little awkward about asking her if I could sit next to my dd, but I it was her rudeness at her refusal to budge that annoyed me - even to let my dd past. I pointed out I was pregnant, but gracefully found another seat at the back of the bus, and dd sat next to the unsmiling lady for part of the journey before finally making her way next to me.

Inside I was seething at her obstinacy, but she was a little old lady, after all, so my anger was perhaps unjustified. Will be laughing about it tomorrow, I'm sure

OP posts:
Original poster
MissHavishamsDress · 27/02/2011 00:15

I suppose it is no big deal, at least it was a separate seat. Once a man sat next to dd on the same seat, one of those single seats at the front she wanted to sit on Hmm

OP posts:
Grabaspoon · 27/02/2011 00:16

That is a bit odd MissHavisham Hmm

VerylazyBecsy · 27/02/2011 00:17

I would be worried about my child sitting next to some lunatic woman. im sorry but normal people DO NOT separate pregnant mothers from their young children.

BTW

choice v no choice in being pregnant vs being 60

who on earth cares? isnt NEED more important than anything else?? I

MadamDeathstare · 27/02/2011 00:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeerTricksPotter · 27/02/2011 00:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeerTricksPotter · 27/02/2011 00:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hester · 27/02/2011 00:24

OP, you've been given a hard time on this thread. YANBU. The woman was entitled to a seat, but there is no excuse for her lack of courtesy.

Grabaspoon · 27/02/2011 00:26

Agree - you were on the same mode of transport with your child.

Maybe she was having a bad day, tired, old and just needing to rest her legs, she got on a bus and found one of the elderly seats that are designed for the elderly with their shopping trolleys and sat down - then realised she was sat by some kid. Then a pregnant woman comes along and demands that she sits in the seat. She probably had enough and said No as she was tired - and could see there were other seats. I don't get the whole not letting DD past but I can see why she didn't give up her seat for you.

LibraPoppyGirl · 27/02/2011 00:26

I'm 26 wks pg and sympathise. I think the OP was more peeved at the lady's attitude more than anything (correct me if I am wrong OP).

As for the lady being elderly, well I'm laughing at that. My Mum is nearly 63 and would be mortified at being referred to as elderly Smile.

Mum works full-time, 12 hour long day and night shifts with the Met Police. She carries the heaviest bags for me, when she comes to visit and we go shopping. I think the 'little old lady' could have been a bit more sensitive.

Ageing does give one the right to be insensitive and maybe a bit arrogant!

VerylazyBecsy · 27/02/2011 00:29

I take exception to that, thanks. Sitting down next to the child is fine. Not letting the child pass when the mother asked her to is VERY weird. Im sorry but i think it is.

BeerTricksPotter · 27/02/2011 00:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VerylazyBecsy · 27/02/2011 00:49

'it I it was her rudeness at her refusal to budge that annoyed me - even to let my dd past'

must have misread it then! if i did i wholeheartedly eat humble pie Smile but if not not, think of it like this.

you never expect people to obstruct you on a bus, train whatever. It is threatening behaviour. I would be quite scared actually. Just because a 4 year old is involved this does not give anyone the right to behave differently. The older lady was bigger much bigger and stronger in the eyes of the little girl and shouldve let her pass. Im not saying that she was actually a lunatic, but was behaving like one. No child should be treated like the dd was treated.

worraliberty · 27/02/2011 00:52

Freshmint, that wouldn't have been possible, there's not space for both dd and bump on my knee

Oh come on for goodness sake even if you were morbidly obese you could manage a child perched on the edge of your knee.

I'm sorry but I've been brought up with manners and that means giving seats to those who need it. The elderly (even early 60's) would always take priority over a fit pregnant woman for me.

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 00:57

Did she deliberately stop the child from passing though? A 'refusal to budge' sounds like she just didn't want to stand up again not that she was maliciously preventing the child from getting out.

worraliberty · 27/02/2011 01:00

She probably thought (and rightly so) a 4yr old child doesn't need a seat all to itself.

VerylazyBecsy · 27/02/2011 01:05

would you be happy with a stranger refusing to stand up if you wanted to get past, for whatever reason? i certainly would

worraliberty · 27/02/2011 01:13

She seemed 'reluctant' to let her pass, she didn't refuse. She was probably old and confused and couldn't work out why a fit mother was asking for her seat, or why a child needed the seat in the first place. The OP 'explained she was pregnant' why? Unless she thought that gave her some sort of VIP seat on the bus?

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 01:18

VLB

How difficult is it for a 4 year old to get past - as the OP puts it - "a little old lady".

Is she some kind of giant toddler?

Presumably the old bat wasn't doing anything to unduly worry the OP or she wouldn't have left her DD sitting next to her.

chickchickchicken · 27/02/2011 01:19

OP - when you say your dd sat on the single seat at the front of the bus previously - are you referring to the ones for elderly/disabled? i absolutely do not agree with the man sitting on same seat but neither do i agree with people sitting there who are not elderly/disabled.

re this current occasion - it doesnt sound like old lady prevented dd getting past (otherwise how could she have joined you later in journey) more a case of she had just sat down with heavy bags and didnt want to stand up again

this is a bus, she was in same space as you, yabu

Firawla · 27/02/2011 01:20

OP yanbu the lady sounds quite rude. Also its quite normal for pregnant women to expect to have seat on the bus so don't really think all the "its not an illness, you chose to be pregnant bla bla bla" comments are really necessary, just makes people come across as though they have an attitude problem.
I would have been v annoyed if someone refused to let my child get past to come out of their seat and sit together with me, sounds like she was just being stubborn for the sake of it, and 60ish is not really old at all unless she doesn't keep active or something but majority of people 60 years old are not going to find it that difficult to just stand up to let a child go past, so she sounds like a moody cow to me. Most people would show a bit of kindness to a pregnant lady and a young child

VerylazyBecsy · 27/02/2011 01:26

dont know about you PG, but when im on the bus my knees are touching the seat in front and if i have bags there is definitely no room. We're not saying that the child was in any danger, but that the 'little 60yo' was being an unreasonable idiot- if it was easy for the girl to pass, why now would the OP have made a thing about it, hmmm?

chickchickchicken · 27/02/2011 01:27

this does remind me a little of a recent occasion when a friend of mine who is disabled was unable to park because a mum with her four kids took the last disabled space. friend wound down her window and told woman she was in a disabled bay, woman replied 'i have four kids which is the same as being disabled'

btw we are both mothers, have child with sn, and used to be foster carers so know how difficult it can be when out and about but really not the same as being disabled/elderly

VerylazyBecsy · 27/02/2011 01:33

whoever said the lady was disabled? If the lady was that disabled then she wouldve said 'i have heavy bags, im old and im disabled'. She didn't, she was being a grumpy idiot. The woman happened to be around the same age as my mum, who would definitely give me a seat in her place if i was 7 months pregnant fgs! My aunt that age runs bloody marathons all over the world.

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 01:36

Not everyone suffers from the same ailments at the same age. Just because your Auntie is the female Jimmy Saville that doesn't mean everyone else her age should don their trainers for a 26 mile run.

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 01:38

Sorry, I've just realised I'm being argumentative just for the hell of it Blush

Insomnia makes me a crabby old bitch so apologies for likening your Aunt to Jimmy Saville. No excuse for that ...