WWYD sister and "inheritance" from parents.

[IHeartKittensAndWine]

My oldest sister has asked my parents to sell a flat they own in order that she and her husband can pay off their mortgage and send their three children to private secondary schools. My parents have asked my middle sister and me for our thoughts before they make a decision.

Background: Fifteen years ago my grandparents died and left my parents a small flat in central London. They kept it and rented it out and gave DSis1 and her now DH a small deposit (they were newly out of uni and had no savings). They bought a large house in a part of London which was then down-at-heel and is now very fashionable.

Although they aren't well off financially they have a LOT of equity and could just as easily sell their house (a neighbour with a near identical property has just completed a £1m sale), move to the part of London where my middle sister and I live mortgage free and have enough left over for the older two, and pay for the youngest one out of the salary freed up by not having a mortgage. We have looked at prices for 4 bed houses in our area and there is good stuff in the price range which would enable them to do this. The part of London middle sister and I live in has a lot of advantages but is more suburban and less fashionable.

Oldest sister wants to do this because the state secondaries in their area are pretty poor. She has said that she will relinquish any claim to further inheritance if they sell the flat and gift her the money. Middle sister annd I were also gifted parts of our deposits from our parents BTW so we are not jealous. We are keen for our parents not to do this because 1) my grandparents flat would be perfect for an elderly couple and they could live very happily on the rent or sale of their house as they come to retire on very shrunken pensions 2) My parents were always very against inherited wealth and clear that our educations and deposits were all we should ever expect and we feel that oldest sister is trying now to move the goalposts.

My parents have asked is for our thoughts and we are thinking about saying all that I have put down here. I am aware that rather than a simple "no" the "why don't you move" proposal sounds very interfering in oldest sister's life... but at the same time I am keen not to say no without pointing out the alternative. What do you think?

what a self centred cow, she is being plain greedy

Your parents sound as though they have been very careful with their money, they deserve to be able to maintain their current standard of living as they get older and not have to worry, its nice that they are considering it but they need to have the potential realities of them possibly needing long term care pointed out to them

Your sisters need is not essential or urgent quite frankly its for a luxury many of us can only dream of

she needs to be told to jog on

I think it would be best to say as little as possible, although it would be fine to point out the possible pitfalls in this plan that would affect your parents' wellbeing.

If they press you for your opinion, you should say, "It's your money. You should do what you want with it." No one will be able to accuse you of dissuading them from giving her the money and yet it is a veiled criticism of your sister's request.

I would also like to say-three deposits for houses-how many parents manage to do that?

Also, OP-has your sister mentioned to your parents that she would like to put her children into private education?

If so & they haven´t offered, then that surely suggests that they feel they can´t afford it?

Are there other GC?

Also, are the schools really bad or could private tuition help?

Also, if you & your sisters were privately educated, why on earth does your sister think that not only her education but also her children´s is down to her parents?

Who knows what the future holds. Your parents may need to use all of their money on care homes (they are very very expensive) if their health declines in the future. There is no guarantee that any of you will inherit anything.

at use of "also"

God I can't stand all this inheritance stuff

I'd stay well out of it

if you say anything you'll appear grasping yourself

if your parents want to fund their grandchildren's private education that's up to them

Diddl - she has always stated that she wanted them to go private for secondary. The oldest is currently being tutored for the exams. My parents have never offered and I believe assumed, as we did, that she would find the money herself. Aside from the equity value in her house, both she and her DH could get better paid jobs as they are still q young (38) with skills which would transfer easily. I believe (but this is only an assumption) that DSis thought parents might agree because of their strong belief in education. There are currently no other GCs (both middle and I have had issues conceiving and carrying to term)...

Reality - I WILL put that to my parents.

No don't ask them what inheritance your future children will get
fgs stay out of it

I think what we're all saying is, given care home fees, there may not be any inheritance at all. That sounds like a very compelling argument to me. My FIL is 86 so I have seen old age care up close, and believe me, I am not counting on getting any inheritance at all, given how long people can live nowadays needing specialist care. It sounds like your GPs didn't need this towards the ends of their lives, and perhaps eldest sister thinks that is normal, and hasn't thought through the alternative scenarios but assumed that there will be plenty of cash to splash about. Which there might not be.

I would say 'dear parents thanks for asking for my opinion, I'm concerned about how you will pay for any future care you might need but of course the decision is yours'

My grandma has just gone into a care home, £2,400 a month

TBH then, I think if your parents know & have not offered then perhaps they are only thinking about it because they are feeling pressured.

Also, if they have also wanted to do this, they have had some years to either put some money in place, or failing that, consider moving to be near better secondary schools.

I know that is not always easy, of course.

I assume they have to be in London for their work?

But they are somehow in one of the more expensive parts yet near not very good schools?

Why don't they just remortgage to pay for the school fees....................... A £40k mortgage is actually tiny in the South East!

You could just ask your parents why don't you all get your inheritance now as you'd like to move to a nicer part of London and pay for expensive infertility treatment or x y z - perhaps just to make the point that how ever much money you have there is always something you could do if you had more handed to you on a plate.

I'd be in a quandry asking to borrow money at a favourable interest from family - let alone just asking for ££££££££££££££££££

Somebody mentioned it up thread, but I wonder if the - or one of the - weak link/s is BIL, both ends. First end, you say he is cavalier about your parents' money, he could be encouraging your sister in all this (even if she doesn't need much encouragement?). The other end, (or also as Diddl would say ), is they could divorce and that would seriously deplete their assets.

That's aside from all the excellent points about eg private care should the need arise etc etc. There isn't one good point about this plan from your parents' POV and it seems your sis/BIL (Bonnie & Clyde) have just seen the figure of £360K and worked out how they could have it. Horrible. It is very unpleasant that she is griping about getting less deposit that yous when she has made an eye-watering investment. Cake/eat indeed. This must be hurting your parents

"they could divorce" - sis and BIL

Why don't you go on the inflation calculation website and prove to your sis that in fact you all got the same - you could include the house one which will probably show how they actually still got more for their money as they bought a property earlier.

I am so why do they need their mortgage paid off?

Am I the only one thinking that 100,000GBP for 7yrs private secondary schooling doesn´t seem much?

I live down the road from a top performing private secondary school in Surrey - It's about £100k per child for the 7 years plus uniform, books etc