WWYD sister and "inheritance" from parents.

[IHeartKittensAndWine]

My oldest sister has asked my parents to sell a flat they own in order that she and her husband can pay off their mortgage and send their three children to private secondary schools. My parents have asked my middle sister and me for our thoughts before they make a decision.

Background: Fifteen years ago my grandparents died and left my parents a small flat in central London. They kept it and rented it out and gave DSis1 and her now DH a small deposit (they were newly out of uni and had no savings). They bought a large house in a part of London which was then down-at-heel and is now very fashionable.

Although they aren't well off financially they have a LOT of equity and could just as easily sell their house (a neighbour with a near identical property has just completed a £1m sale), move to the part of London where my middle sister and I live mortgage free and have enough left over for the older two, and pay for the youngest one out of the salary freed up by not having a mortgage. We have looked at prices for 4 bed houses in our area and there is good stuff in the price range which would enable them to do this. The part of London middle sister and I live in has a lot of advantages but is more suburban and less fashionable.

Oldest sister wants to do this because the state secondaries in their area are pretty poor. She has said that she will relinquish any claim to further inheritance if they sell the flat and gift her the money. Middle sister annd I were also gifted parts of our deposits from our parents BTW so we are not jealous. We are keen for our parents not to do this because 1) my grandparents flat would be perfect for an elderly couple and they could live very happily on the rent or sale of their house as they come to retire on very shrunken pensions 2) My parents were always very against inherited wealth and clear that our educations and deposits were all we should ever expect and we feel that oldest sister is trying now to move the goalposts.

My parents have asked is for our thoughts and we are thinking about saying all that I have put down here. I am aware that rather than a simple "no" the "why don't you move" proposal sounds very interfering in oldest sister's life... but at the same time I am keen not to say no without pointing out the alternative. What do you think?

"would release about £360k which would fund this. "

Having read all of the above opinions they are all in agreement - tell your parents that this is not on. She sounds like my younger brother, a selfish money grabbing .

So your parents lose the rental income they currently get, sell at a bad time in the market and then go on to pay years of school fees - can they really afford to?

Quite, Diddl. These are sums of money Middle, DH and I can merely dream of!

And so what that your deposits cost more than hers. They probably didn't actually in real terms. And I am sure you and your sis didn't ahve £300K plus for your deposits from your parents now did you? That is such a non-argument and just seems further argument as to how entitled your sister is

Runner, they could afford to in the short term because they are in good health and both work and haven't used the rental to live off but to save for the deposits for the three of us. In the longer term they need to think about how they can fund their retirement and what happens if they need care. They COULD fund their retirement if they go ahead with this either by living off their (recession depleted) pensions or by downsizing and releasing equity from the house they live in. But this would either leave Middle and I with no inheritance or mean they have a really poor quality of life because they are desperate to leave us somehting. To mention nothing of old age care.

I'm going to put it all to them. I think I might right it out as oppossition to my sister's proposal looks a lot more reasonable on paper.

Alicet, I personally agree that it was a very entitled comment of hers to make. Her deposit went considerably further but in her words "You could start a company on the money you gave IHeart and Middle!"

"Quite, Diddl. These are sums of money Middle, DH and I can merely dream of!"

And of course don´t expect you to answer this, but if you & your other sister were left the remaining property, would you get anything like this-your sister might use that as a good enough reason for them to do it.

I can see how your parents might also be thinking if they can help their grandchildren now that would be great.

If my husband & I get anything from parents it might not be until we are retired & tbh I think that that might be when we might need it!

We didn't have 300k deposits BTW. Middle sis and I have combined property values (most of which are mortgages) of about 50% of DSis1

Diddl, assuming my parents died and Middle and I received the full value of the house, it would be more each than DSis1 is asking for. But in the meantime they have retirements to think about so it probably wouldn't work out that way...

Oh dear. I would want to stay right out of this if I were you. I'd have to tell my parents that it's entirely their decision and nothing to do with me. But yes, I think I would point out that I would be worried about whether they'd be ok financially when they retire and ask them to make sure they weren't leaving themselves short.

Do you think your parents want to say no but are finding it difficult and are trying to get your sisters to help them with this?

And yes, from that perspective my sister is being reasonable... the (current) grandchildren are taken care of, Middle and I will be taken care of in the longer term...

so she lives in a well to do area but there are no decent schools?

triffic

And I wouldn't put it past your dsis1 if you DID end up with more than she got to challenge for the difference with comments like she has made about the deposits!

""You could start a company on the money you gave IHeart and Middle!""

OMG!

She really feels that she has a right to the money, doesn´t she?

I know this is going to sound very 50´s housewife of me, but how does her husband feel about this?

Doesn´t he feel that it´s up to him & your sister to provide for their own children´s education, especially if it would be at the cost of the standard of living of 2 people a generation older than him-and at the cost of the "inheritance" of his sil´s?

piratecat...the area has "come up" a lot recently. Primaries are alright but secondaries not so good, unless you pretend to be religious (which she couldn't/wouldn't do)...

it could be to your advantage - it would knock a dent in inheritance tax etc and could be a sensible thing IF yor parents are happy to do that. you could then get it in writing that your sister has had her inheritance and then everything else is left to you and your other sister

Don't kid yourself that your sister is thinking about your family or your other sisters children. I'm sure she won't be looking to give either of you money should your parents need to use the money to fund their care homes etc or other expenses.

I don't for one minute think that you're worried about the money longer term but I do think that your parents could need all of that money.

Your sister could either downsize and remortgage and use the equity released to fund the school fees.

I know you say its not about money for you but think about this situation too, which is one my dad found himself in.

Hs Dad died about 30+ years ago. His mum remarried a widower. Both brought roughly equal sums into the marriage (owned similar houses on same road). 10 years ago Dad's mum dies and leaves everything to her surviving dh (Dad's stepdad). Their combined will before she died stated that 50% of their estate would be divided between her children and the remaining 50% to his children.

3 months after her death he changed his will to leave the overwhelming majority to his own children and grandchildren and a token amount only to my Dad and his siblings.

For my Dad it wasn't about the money either but it was about feeling that the wishes of his dead parents for the money that they had worked hard all their life for were being completely ignored. And there was nothing he could do about it.

Her husband thinks of our parents as "loaded" without much thought to the whys and wherefores of it... parents are the kind of people who can afford the emergency plumber just before payday, if that makes sense, but more because they're good with money and have never been extravagent (they haven't changed their cars in 15 years for example) than because there is piles of dosh under the stairs...

Alicet... did he challenge that will?

She's greedy and deluded.

I find it pretty horrible talking about inheritance. I'll inherit a hefty amount but I'd much rather have my parents alive.