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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think SHE should pay for smashing up MY car

407 replies

thequeensspeech · 25/02/2011 10:46

Mother in law is staying with us for 2 weeks, normally lives in Spain. Yesterday she asked if she could borrow mine and DH's car. She only has third party insurance. Was not happy about her driving the car. She reassured me that she has 40 years driving experience, no accidents ever, was only going to nip to the shops. Reluctantly I handed over the keys. Of course, sods law she has a crash. Garage now estimating £2000 to repair.

She has checked with her insurance company and obviously they are not going to pay out. She has made it quite clear that she will not be paying for my car to be fixed and ultimately DH and I have to somehow, scrape the money together. Not great when I'm being made redundant in June.

Yes I know it was my fault for giving her the keys to the car but surely to god she should at least volunteer to pay half the costs.

Disclaimer: she and her DH are well off, have house in Spain and 3 houses in the UK 2 of which they rent out and the other they live in for 3 months of the year.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 26/02/2011 07:41

Shock at this
I would also be concerned that you don't know the details of the accident - were there witnesses? Does she have contact details of the other car?

justcarrots29 · 26/02/2011 07:45

She is very lucky that the police were not called to the scene. I am sure she knew full well she wasn't insured to drive your car which is why she didn't call the police herself to ensure that the damages were paid for by the other party. If it was her fault then someone else would have asked for her details to pay there side of the damage so I think that she must have reversed into something.

You MUST make her pay somehow. I like the suggestion of ringing the husband directly with bank details. What has she said when you have explained to her you do NOT have the money to fix it? This woman has treated you awfully and does not deserve any leniency on your part.

activate · 26/02/2011 07:53

Your MIL needs to pay

You must not say you were driving that is fraud

Your MIL needs to pay stop pussyfooting around

She owes you £2,000

shushpenfold · 26/02/2011 08:17

The queens

Sit her down with your dh and FIL on speakerphone....you need both of them.

Explain that you have done some investigating - she was uninsured in all likelihood and therefore this is a police matter.

State that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES will you be pretending that you drove - it is fraud and they will be able to check on CCTV for evidence of who was driving (and they do, believe me!)

State that you cannot afford to mend the car - if THEY don't pay for the car to be mended (which they should, morally) you will have NO CAR...you cannot afford for it to be mended. THEY will have caused the family extreme hardship and this situation should not have come to this.......they are being EXTREMELY UNREASONABLE in causing their own family this much worry and stress.

You have not decided yet whether to tell the police that mil SAID she was insured when in fact she wasn't in an effort to try and recover the funds through a civil prosecution....although this could result in both of you being in serious trouble (a criminal prosecution) as you should have checked. This is a last resort BUT HAS NOT BEEN DISCOUNTED AND MIL AND FIL SHOULD BE AWARE OF THIS.

End of capitals!! Good luck xx

Alternatively, you could do all of this AFTER giving a real sob story, super duper guilt trip....which might be more likely to work in any case.

iwasyoungonce · 26/02/2011 08:47

Please keep us updated, OP.

Injustice like this makes my blood BOIL. Angry

How dare your MIL put you both through this??? It's just unforgiveable.

Georgimama · 26/02/2011 09:22

The fact that you are "unassertive" OP is probably the reason your MIL is walking all over you. She thinks you are just going to take this shit from her, and frankly, it sounds like you're going to, aren't you?

And your DH went out after work and is avoiding the situation? I hope he's grown a pair this morning.

Boys2mam · 26/02/2011 09:33

How did the chat go OP?

ragged · 26/02/2011 09:53

I feel sure that you haven't done anything illegal, OP. If your MIL insisted that she had adequate legal insurance than you had every reason to believe her, OP. You are NOT legally liable for her lie/misinformation.

So this situation comes down to worries about money & family rifts, but not law-breaking (on your part, anyway).

There are a couple of earlier posts on here which I'm sure are from lawyers incognito, saying the same sorts of things.

muminthemiddle · 26/02/2011 10:08

Good advice from Shush.

Is mil still staying at your house because if she is you should tell her point blanc that unless she pays the full cost, you cannot afford to keep her. Refuse to cook meals for her, go out WITHOUT her etc make her realise that she has done a terrible thing.

A similar thing happened to a friend of mine and I am sure that even if mil claims the other car was at fault, once the insurance co finds out the truth they will refuse to pay as your mil/you have voided any insurance terms. Therefore the other parties insurance will make YOU pay.

Zingylemontart · 26/02/2011 10:26

If she doesnt change her mind in the next couple of hours I'd second the idea of telling the police she took the car without your consent. That puts the heap of trouble directly on her. She sounds like a real charmer!
Hope you get it sorted.

cumfy · 26/02/2011 10:59

Take her passport.

cumfy · 26/02/2011 11:08

Have the police called yet ?

Because that's the other thing...
Seems likely someone will have witnessed and taken vehicle description.
You are best getting your story in first rather than being on back foot.

And you have checked there's little bits of "other car's" paint and not eg concrete bollard :o

MuthaHubbard · 26/02/2011 12:14

not sure if this has been said but you don't have to report to police if vehicle damage only - drivers should just swap insurance details. police would only become involved if one party refused details

if damage to property/persons then needs to be reported

MuthaHubbard · 26/02/2011 12:18

it sounds suspicious to me as if she was in a collision with another driver, she should have got their details.....unless she just drove off?! or did someone crash into her whilst she was out shopping?

if she has reversed into something (property) or another vehicle whilst parked up - if she's then just driven away and not reported it, she has committed an offence.....on top of driving without a UK licence AND insurance - both of which you can be arrested for!

you need the full story!!

stubbornhubby · 26/02/2011 12:20

i'll bet she knew perfectly well she was driving illegally ... and she cut and run.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 26/02/2011 12:33

I think you have more worries than the money, TBH.

You let her drive your car, and she wasn't insured. She had an accident in a car in which she was not insured.

What is the state of the other car?

HAve you reported this accident to the police?

wonka · 26/02/2011 12:46

You poor thing, I hope they have decided to pay up. Agree with other posters though its really important you get a full picture of what happened. you could get a letter from the police in the next few weeks if the other party has had to go to them.

LoopyLoopsHulaHoops · 26/02/2011 13:03

If she has had a crash with another driver and failed to give them her details, she has broken the law. The whole family needs to get their heads out of the clouds and sort this out, it could be quite serious. Sorry to be blunt, but it needs to be said.

Also, for the future, you need to get yourself a bit more clued up if you own and drive a car.

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 26/02/2011 13:08

madamedeathstare she has to report it to her insurers as apparently damage to the car has a bearing on their next quote. Don't ask me why, but it's what my insurers told me.

ragged · 26/02/2011 13:18

I bet she reversed into something, is too embarrassed to admit it, made it up about a "collision". Unfortunately the "something" could be another (probably parked) vehicle. Hence why she's got no details of other vehicle. :(

I feel sorry for OP's DH, this is still his mum after all. Not many of you would be so keen to sue/kill/press criminal charges against your own mother, either.

BehindLockNumberNine · 26/02/2011 13:22

I would be so so angry with my MIL there is no way she would still be in my house without a confrontation having taken place!

You need to make it crystal clear that she MUST

  1. Give you the exact circumstances of the crash - was there another car?
  2. Pay up.
  3. If she refuses to do either, you will go to the police. Tell them the truth - she led you to believe she was insured, you are naive etc etc.

Of course,don't do any of this without taking her passport first.

Under NO circumstances commit fraud on her behalf. MIL or no MIL.

LindyHemming · 26/02/2011 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

activate · 26/02/2011 15:13

I have just thought - ar eyou totally sure your own insurance doesn't cover another adult to drive - I think some policies may do

worth checking maybe? then you only have to charge her the loss of no claims bonus for the next 10 years

Angry
CalamityKate · 26/02/2011 15:22

I thought fully comp insurance covered any driver with a license and your permission to drive?

Georgimama · 26/02/2011 15:31

ragged, my mother wouldn't trash my car, shrug her shoulders and waltz off shopping. So the situation as to whether I would sue or press charges against her wouldn't arise.

CalamityKate - I'm afraid you're wrong. And whilst it used to, unless specifically stated on the policy it now doesn't cover the policy named drivers to drive third party in other people's vehicles either.