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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think SHE should pay for smashing up MY car

407 replies

thequeensspeech · 25/02/2011 10:46

Mother in law is staying with us for 2 weeks, normally lives in Spain. Yesterday she asked if she could borrow mine and DH's car. She only has third party insurance. Was not happy about her driving the car. She reassured me that she has 40 years driving experience, no accidents ever, was only going to nip to the shops. Reluctantly I handed over the keys. Of course, sods law she has a crash. Garage now estimating £2000 to repair.

She has checked with her insurance company and obviously they are not going to pay out. She has made it quite clear that she will not be paying for my car to be fixed and ultimately DH and I have to somehow, scrape the money together. Not great when I'm being made redundant in June.

Yes I know it was my fault for giving her the keys to the car but surely to god she should at least volunteer to pay half the costs.

Disclaimer: she and her DH are well off, have house in Spain and 3 houses in the UK 2 of which they rent out and the other they live in for 3 months of the year.

OP posts:
alemci · 25/02/2011 17:58

I think she should pay. You were trying to be kind lending her the car, she should have taken out proper insurance and only has herself to blame.

She should pay and maybe you might be able to claim back some damage from the other driver if it wasn't entirely her fault.

Why should you be dishonest and commit fraud. she should take responsibility.

piratecat · 25/02/2011 18:01

no, dont let her make you her scapegoat op. you made a mistake, but she made a bigger one and is now pinning the cost on your shoulders.

Longtalljosie · 25/02/2011 18:25

I think a lot of people here really don't understand what third party insurance means. It doesn't mean you get to drive other people's cars. It means if you are third party insured, the person who you crash into is covered although you're not. It's the legal minimum because while you can drive around saying you don't care what happens to you and your car, you can't drive around saying you don't care what happens to other people and their cars. They are the third parties in question. It's nothing to do with being able to drive whichever car you want.

However, I have a funny feeling that in either Spain or Italy, it's the person who's insured, rather than the car, so in theory you can drive whichever car you like. Won't count over here though.

ZZZenAgain · 25/02/2011 18:31

are you getting anywhere with this , making any headway OP?

FattyArbuckel · 25/02/2011 18:35

Your mil should pay in full, absolutely no question about it

God knows what you can do if she refuses though

LindyHemming · 25/02/2011 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleMissHissyFit · 25/02/2011 19:00

OP, has the MIL turned up yet? What was she doing all day.

TBH, I would be TELLING her that the car would be going into the garage today and that it would be fixed and she WILL be paying for it.

I'd be taking her down to the garage with her credit card and handing it over.

I'd also be getting her DH to be faxing over her certificate of insurance pronto too.

Have you thought to post this on legal? or at least ask the question about validity of spanish insurance in UK?

pigletmania · 25/02/2011 19:04

What a nasty women, so she would rather see her family suffer, committe a crime, than step up to her responsibilities, nice! Hmm. As its your dh mother, your dh should make her pay at least half of it, £2000 is a lot of money, dont have her ever again in your house.

pigletmania · 25/02/2011 19:07

Has she no morals or sense of responsibility, yes you should not have given her the car if you had doubts, but SHE wrecked your car.

Themumsnot · 25/02/2011 19:07

Is your MIL back yet, OP? Or did she head for Heathrow while the going was good?
I am enthralled by how anyone could have the barefaced cheek to wreck your car and totally disclaim any responsibility.
And I really want to know how she did it.

LittleMissHissyFit · 25/02/2011 19:08

Oh shit, she might have done a runner....

OP said the house she has is 5hrs away... Sad

welshbyrd · 25/02/2011 19:27

Facts of insurance are - If both parties [persons car, and person wishing to drive the car] are both fully comp, then the person driving the car, is driving on thier insurance as third party

If your MLs own insurance was only third party, then by law she can not drive another car

I dont know about over seas policies. But as the ML quite clearly stated to you she had third party insurance, then she she will not be covered by here insurance. Secondly, after having an accident, you are by law required to notify the police within 24hours of the accident

You will probably hear from the other persons insurance within the next 24 hours, if they have damage to thier car, Im afraid, your in a sticky situation if this happens.

Your ML should front up the bill, its a disgrace thats she is refusing, I personally would ask her to leave, and cut ties with her, if she leaves you fend this for yourself, not just the £2000 but the insurance problems too. What a very selfish nasty lady

I really feel for you x

MrsMiyagi · 25/02/2011 19:58

I just don't get how the MIL was able to get away without offering any explanation!

If someone has trashed your car surely you ask them how, and keep asking until you get an answer?

Teapot13 · 25/02/2011 20:24

Just an idea, and haven't had time to read all the posts. Did she fly to the UK, and does she have any travel insurance? Did she book the tickets using a credit card? You should check both those out because it's possible she is insured through one of those.

We always get insurance when we rent a car abroad, but at least one of DH's credit cards has an automatic policy that you get travel insurance on any trip you book using the card. Our standard travel insurance includes legal fees/car insurance I think. (We've never had to use it, so haven't checked in detail.) It's worth seeing if there's anything like this.

This is a terrible situation and your mother-in-law should take responsibility and pay. She is probably extremely embarassed (and possibly traumatised from the actual accident) right now, even though she is flippantly suggesting insurance fraud. She might be more reasonable in a day or so. Another thing I thought of -- does she control the purse strings? Is it up to her to offer to pay, or is she worried about what her husband will say about the money? Maybe FIL would be more reasonable about it?

MadamDeathstare · 25/02/2011 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fedupofnamechanging · 25/02/2011 20:27

Do you have to tell the police, or just the insurance company if no one was hurt?

nancydrewfoundaclue · 25/02/2011 20:32

I think most insurance policies have a clause in the small print that they have to be informed if you are ever involved in any accident (regardless of whetehr it was the insured vehicle that you were driving or fault)

QuintessentialShadows · 25/02/2011 20:32

What a despicable way to act.

To be honest, at this point, I would be tempted to alert the police, tell them that she took the car without your knowledge, smashed it and has done a runner. Sad

LittleNicci · 25/02/2011 20:47

I keep coming back to this thread to see if there's an update. I am just astounded that someone who is family can behave like this, and feel so sorry for you OP.

I second what QuintessentialShadows suggests.

ragged · 25/02/2011 20:52

I think you'd have a good case in civil law, OP.
But what a nightmare. So sorry to read you going thru this.

Original poster
thequeensspeech · 25/02/2011 21:04

MIL turned up about 2ish, had gone shopping. While she was out her DH rang from Spain. He'd checked their insurance and she definitely isn't covered. I told him we were looking at a £2000 bill which we can't afford to pay. His response 'oh dear'. Reiterated again that we don't have the money and DH needs car for work but he didn't seem to give a toss. I was weak and didn't ask outright for the cash because he does control the purse strings and not his wife.

DH is avoiding the situation, went out after work and not yet home. Atmosphere at home is bad.

I know some posters think I'm being really weak but I find confrontation difficult and really really want DH to take some responsibility.

My plan is for DH and I to sit her down tomorrow morning and tell her (not ask!) that we need her to give us the money to fix the car.

Wish me luck.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 25/02/2011 21:08

I hope she bought something nice for you. Angry

I would be absolutely livid. Does the woman have any redeeming qualities.

If her husband holds the purse strings. I would simply call him and give him your bank details and ask him to transfer 2k for repairs. Just TELL him. "Andrew, I am phoning to give you our account details so you can arrange to transfer 2k in lieu of your wife smashing our car. Please do this asap, as we need the car for work". Dont let him think not paying is an option. She might be used to HIM dealing with such stuff, and wont take control of the situation herself.

fluffygal · 25/02/2011 21:08

My mum lives in Spain but is a British citizen. She comes back to England regularly (one week every 4-6 weeks). Is your MIl doing this so she would stay a british citizen? If my mum spent more time in Spain she would have to become a Spanish citizen. She drives in both Spain and England with two different cars umnder 2 seperate insurances.

Liz79 · 25/02/2011 21:09

Good luck, hope you get it all sorted amicably

LindyHemming · 25/02/2011 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.