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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think SHE should pay for smashing up MY car

407 replies

thequeensspeech · 25/02/2011 10:46

Mother in law is staying with us for 2 weeks, normally lives in Spain. Yesterday she asked if she could borrow mine and DH's car. She only has third party insurance. Was not happy about her driving the car. She reassured me that she has 40 years driving experience, no accidents ever, was only going to nip to the shops. Reluctantly I handed over the keys. Of course, sods law she has a crash. Garage now estimating £2000 to repair.

She has checked with her insurance company and obviously they are not going to pay out. She has made it quite clear that she will not be paying for my car to be fixed and ultimately DH and I have to somehow, scrape the money together. Not great when I'm being made redundant in June.

Yes I know it was my fault for giving her the keys to the car but surely to god she should at least volunteer to pay half the costs.

Disclaimer: she and her DH are well off, have house in Spain and 3 houses in the UK 2 of which they rent out and the other they live in for 3 months of the year.

OP posts:
curlymama · 26/02/2011 22:59

I'd hold onto her passport until she pays.

Why can't her DH transfer the money while she is still there? I would insist that he does tbh, it's going to cost you in train fares until you can get it booked in and fixed, so they should be paying asap.

RevoltingPeasant · 26/02/2011 23:05

Erm OP, I really hesitate to bring this up but I have read the thread and don't think anyone else has raised it...

Is there any chance she hit someone and not something?

Because if so the shock might be what's making her behave so badly.

I really hope this isn't the case, but there's no way, say, she backed into an elderly lady or something in the carpark and then totally freaked and legged it?

Sad
GeneHuntsMistress · 26/02/2011 23:19

You really need to confiscate her passport until you get the FULL story from her AND the full payment. If your DH won't do it then you will have to.

As Revolting says above, it could be worse than she has thus far admitted to, you don't even know what happened and you are taking this womans word that she will transfer you the money once home? I suppose she has shown herself to be conscientious and worthy of your trust hasn't she

MadamDeathstare · 27/02/2011 00:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cumfy · 27/02/2011 00:09

She's going to do a runner. I can smell it.

Still need to get her passport.

BACS WTF ??? This isn't the 1970s.

For the last 10 years you just do a direct payment via internet banking, goes through in 2hours or less.
Just give her your acct number.

Not that we got many facts, she clammed up and wouldn't go into detail, just kept saying that she'd sort it.

She has clearly done something bad!
She doesn't want to pay for damage to other car and has worked out she hasn't got any cover.
Can't imagine she will be keen on hanging around for the police to catch up with her.

Sorry, but I'm thinking she'll be "Leaving on a jet plane" by lunch time without any payment having been made.

Grab that passport!

helenthemadex · 27/02/2011 00:14

what an awful woman I hope she does pay

It isnt as simple to transfer money when its from a bank account abroad to a UK account, from experiencei its more like a week than a few hours, thats in France though not sure about Spain

cumfy · 27/02/2011 00:20

Maybe they will still have UK accts.

CameronCook · 27/02/2011 00:23

OMFG I'm horrified at this awful woman - and agree that BACS is so outdated - a few clicks on the internet and the money should be in your account

Deffo hide her passport

sb6699 · 27/02/2011 00:37

I think she's panicking now.

Did you point out to her that she would be in trouble with the law if it was found out that she damaged someone elses car without reporting it/was driving without insurance?

I really would be doing everything in my power to get her to hand over the money before she leaves the UK. There's a high probability that she's telling you what you want to hear just so you dont report her but wont hand anything over when she leaves.

helenthemadex · 27/02/2011 00:38

true cumfy but may not have that amount in there

FabbyChic · 27/02/2011 00:42

If they live abroad they may well bank abroad, they would have to do an international bank transfer that is not instant and can take 2/3 days. They will need your IBAC and IBAN numbers (I think).

Why cant her partner do it before she leaves so it is sorted?

Bogeyface · 27/02/2011 00:46

Why cant they send a money order?

This stinks, bad.

ScaredOne · 27/02/2011 00:48

I would not be happy with not knowing all the facts! Other posters are right, God knows what or whom she hit. Please please investigate this further. And do talk to the police. Can you live with the thought that due to her not owing up properly someone might be living with a huge damage? Either to their property or even their body?

kaid100 · 27/02/2011 01:54

She's not telling you what happened but tried to get you to say that you were driving the car... whatever she did, she wanted to pin it on you. I would hide her passport and contact the Police now.

Plumm · 27/02/2011 06:19

I agree with the other posters - this still sounds very dodgy. If it was something as simple as backing into a wall or bollard why won't she tell you?

As to the bank transfer, get her DH to do it then email proof to you (screenshot from internet banking or copy of payment receipt if done through branch) before she goes.

Have you looked in your local paper (or on their website) to see if there's a report of an unknown driver causing damage (on the day she had the car) and driving off?

MissyKLo · 27/02/2011 06:59

What a selfish, stingy cow she is!

snowcake · 27/02/2011 07:19

YANBU of course not!!

Could you contact your local police station and find out if there is anything in the system re an unresolved crash / hit-and-run / damages to property? That way you are going to find out what she actually did with your car.

I'd have DH take her back to the spot where it happened and show him exactly WHAT happened. Check the perimeters God knows what you'll find.

Sorry this has happened to you and your family.

thumbwitch · 27/02/2011 07:24

If you don't get the money within a couple of days, report her to the police anyway.

There really can't have been another car involved whose fault it was, because then their insurance (assuming they had any) would have had to pay out for your damage. If it was her fault, then any damage to any other car should be covered by her own third party insurance, so you shouldn't have to worry about that either.

She sounds stupendously selfish. I really hope you do get the money off her. I bet she reversed into another car and then just drove off, leaving some other poor sod with a damaged car and no comeback because she wouldn't have left details.

sparkle12mar08 · 27/02/2011 07:48

Please, please don't tell me you actually believe she's going to pay? Please tell me you're not that naive after everything that's happened so far?! Unless that money is in your account before she leaves your house you will never see it. Never. This stinks of another runner, as a previous poster pointed out.

Sandinmyshoes · 27/02/2011 08:24

If she said it wasn't her fault then she should have taken the details of whoever's fault it was as you would then claim from their insurance not yours.

And re the Driving License thing - it's better to drive on your foreign license if you're non-resident for another reason... you don't get points for speeding!

BlueCat2010 · 27/02/2011 08:41

Fair play she has agreed to pay and I can understand the delay.....I would have to shuffle things around to pay out £2,000 and don't know many people that would be able to do that amount instantly. I think she will pay as it's family, and her DH seems to be on your 'side'.

I would be insisting that she tells one of you exactly what happened though. The idea of DH taking her to where it happened and talking her through it is a good one. Can you imagine if you didn't and in a couple of weeks an irrate person has a rant at you in front of your child because you trashed their car Shock

Longtalljosie · 27/02/2011 08:50

BACS is still up and running as far as I know, I used it a couple of years ago to transfer money for a house deposit. Maybe internationally it's the best method.

But you must get chapter and verse from her. If it's a simple prang, what's the problem? If not - well you do have to know.

Tupperwarewolf · 27/02/2011 08:55

We had to accept a payment for work from a Spanish individual and we had to do it via BACS/IBAN because she couldn't do a bank transfer, so she might be right about that (top tip: if you bank with Barclays, make sure they give you the right number! Angry).

Good luck OP, hope you get your money.

thumbwitch · 27/02/2011 09:11

Actually that's a good point - you can't do a simple internet transfer of money from overseas. It has to be done in person at the bank (or certainly does in Australia, anyway) via IBAN. Annoying but true.

clam · 27/02/2011 09:14

OP, so if, in a few days, the police contact you to say they have reason to believe your car was involved in a hit and run accident and for you to come along to the station and explain what happened, what on earth are you going to say? Seeing as how you have no idea what did happen? And your MIL will be well off the scene and washing her hands of the whole affair.