to give jabs to dts against ex-p wishes?

[ladyfirenze]

Dts are six. For long and boring reasons which I'm happy to discuss, but aren't the issue in question, they are not vaccinated. Recently I've come under pressure to have them done, and I'm happy to go ahead, but ex p was against it when the boys were born (as was I). He rowed with his pro-jab family terribly over it.

We aren't able to discuss things unfortunately, as whatever I say seems to finish with him flying off the handle during a change over, so I stay indoors when he comes to collect the children. Sad, I know.

But what the fuck shall I do about these vaccinations?

You must have done an awful lot of research to leave them unvaccinated in the first place so are you sure you really want to change your mind now or is it just because you are being put under pressure?

Jab 'em, best thing for them. You can't let a bad temper stop you from doing the best for your kids, even if he is their dad.

Do them and tell him afterwards. It only needs one parent to give permission - you're 'it' and once it's done, it can't be undone. His behaviour sounds thoroughly unreasonable and irrational. Children deserve to be protected from common diseases and aggressive, opinionated fathers.

How much would he blow if he found out? Does he have parental responsibility (or whatever the legal term is)?

Personally i think YANBU. Because I think from a public health perspective people who don't vaccinate are BU. There is nothing wrong with protecting your children, and the evidence for vaccination for them as individuals far outweighs anything reported as a risk.

Childhood diseases can have serious, lasting effects, and as a parent you want to protect them against this. You will need to decide whether or not to tell him though.

do it, don't tell him.

Were you totally on board with not vaccinating your children at the time, or were you pressured into a decision?

I'm interested in the pressure you're under currently to vaccinate?

I am pro-vaccination BTW.

There isn't a comprimise over this, so you either get them vaccinated or not - you can't have one twin vaccinated and not the other.

You either seek legal advise

Think about what your ex would do if you didn't want something done - would he respect your wishes? The only example I can think of is if you didn't want their ears pierced/circumsized and he went ahead or agreed not to even if he wanted to get it done to respect your wishes.

Then if he would respect your wishes - you need to think long and hard

If you know he really wouldn't respect your wishes - then go with what you want to do

probaly I am way of the mark - but there isn't a resolve to this that will keep both of you happy

I'm partly anti-vacc depending on which ones we're talking about. Have they had their tetanus?

Wasn't there a case once where the patents disagreed so the court had to decide, and went in favour of vaccination. If so, you'd be able to follow the precedent. I think there was one.

i agree with aPixie... what has changed since you first decided not to vaccinate?

I am trying to imagine it the other way round... if dp and I split up and he then took my children to be vaccinated I would actually be beyond furious, it would really be one of the worst things he could possibly do.

So I am kind of on the fence for this one i'm afraid.
that said, I have decided to give mine singles when they are older (around 9 or 10)... so maybe that would be an option?

I would suggest maybe you write him a letter telling him how you feel and why you want to go ahead and asking for his input?

Well Coffee, Mumps apparently is only "fatal" in boys past puberty. As children, according to my GP, they can get over it quite unscathed. Which leaves the op 11 years until a single MUMPSVAX is reproduced.

Lady

It's true that mumps is rarely fatal in developed countries. It's much more likely to cause permanent loss of hearing (one in every 15,000 cases).

You also get viral meningitis in 1-10% of cases.

Personally, if I didn't have custody of my children and ex-p DIDN'T take them for their jabs and left them exposed to diseases that could potentially kill them or leave them with permanent disability - or even just a prologned hospital stay where they're exposed to all sorts of bugs and dangers - would leave me livid. I certainly would take them for their jabs but that's my informed decisions and I guess it's another issue to just doing it because of pressure.

I would advise as you are ex's that you should go with the way that looks best if things turned nasty and went to court, and it would look better, although how they would find out I have no clue if you do all that you can to be deemed a good Mam in the eye's of such people who pick folk to bits, so gettig vacinations would be something I would do.

I can't see a court going against government medical advice and insisting the dc were not vacinated as your ex has issue with it, so if it were me I would get it done.

Okay. Excellent start ladies. Really much appreciated.

Basically, I had ds1 (from a previous relationship) vaccinated twice, but at that time, I was single and living at home with my mum.

shortly after his second set of jabs ds1 developed a very severe squint, and it was later revealed he was short sighted. he was prescribed glasses and a patch, and did absolutely fine.

My mum however, who is completely nuts, btw decided the jabs were to blame, and passionately argued against ds1 having them. She behaved very inappropriately at many many times during his early childhood, and was a manipulative horrinle fucking cow, I've sadly now come to realise.

For many other important reasons, I've made the difficult desicion not to have my mum, or any of my 'family of origin' in mine or my dts lives. ds1 is 14 and has to come to his own decision. This arrangement is the best of a bad job, and I'm happy with how much better mine and dc's lives are now I've cut contact.

I've also looked long and hard at the behaviours and beliefs I hold, and come to realise that my mother's fundamentalist views, homeopathic training are yoghurt weaving bullshit.

ergo, I should vaccinate. Plus, I've had some excellent impartial advice from different friends and gp

ladyfirenze: you speak sense. Vaccine causing squint is way way out there theory.

lady of the manor - no they've had nothing at all. The thing which prompted me to post was dts1 cut his toe outside today, and they both often get little cuts and scrapes. I'm lying awake worrying about tetanus, polio - the works .... aaaargh.

Ohhh I see I thought you meant just controversial ones (everything but tetanus!)

dd had all her jabs she is now 5 and never suffered any side affects, i am now pg with dc2 and i am going to pay to have them all done separately this time, there are parents out there who swear down that vaccinations harmed their child, i'm sure you would know as a mother/father if your child changed after having jabs so i believe those people and will not be taking the risk this time

also, you say you don't want to be influenced by your mother and her 'weird ideas' any more but you still are in the opposite way by going against anything she said iyswim? i think you need to do your own research first :)

I think following current medical advice is the default mrsrhett.

you're believing anecdotal evidence rather than robust scientific evidence by paying to have vax done separately.

usually 'doing your own research' means googling on the internet and not accessing systematic reviews or appraising the scientific literature yourself