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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give jabs to dts against ex-p wishes?

156 replies

ladyfirenze · 24/02/2011 20:19

Dts are six. For long and boring reasons which I'm happy to discuss, but aren't the issue in question, they are not vaccinated. Recently I've come under pressure to have them done, and I'm happy to go ahead, but ex p was against it when the boys were born (as was I). He rowed with his pro-jab family terribly over it.

We aren't able to discuss things unfortunately, as whatever I say seems to finish with him flying off the handle during a change over, so I stay indoors when he comes to collect the children. Sad, I know.

But what the fuck shall I do about these vaccinations?

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 27/02/2011 10:09

Op, I am not sure that the already well rehearsed pro and anti-vaccination arguments are desperately helpful.

Fwiw my dd gas gad no vaccinations and her brothers have had none since 1999. ( just to get that out of the way).

I suspect that what is exhausting you is the size of the problem. It feels like a huge all or nothing decision.but if you go and talk to your gp and do just a bit of reaesach then it may make things easier. Firstly because I am not sure even the most ardent pro vaccination person would suggest that you go and get them all done in one go next week ( and anyone that would should be ignored if they would wish that keel of discomfort upon 6 year olds). so you could work out a list of what worries you the most, what seems the most pressing and start from there.

You could then maybe work out what would make you feel comfortable, what would be safest for your dcs and what timescale would be sensible.

The ability to say to your ex-p ' I felt that their health was best protected by giving them x , I intend to give them y in three months and will consider further thereafter' may stop the issue feeling quite so nuclear.

Pagwatch · 27/02/2011 10:12

I get no pressure at all and no one challenges me. The only place I face judgey shit is on mn. And mostly then it is from stupid or aggressive people so ignorable.
I suspect that it is your indecision that is the cause if the pressure.

I would get a few basic ones done. You seem to want to and it would dial din the pressure.

DaisyDaresYOU · 27/02/2011 10:30

Mumps is horrible.It made me deaf in one ear and it's a right pain and I was vaccinated when I was child.You do what you thinks best for your children

bubbleymummy · 27/02/2011 10:32

Well Daisy - there's a case in point - the vaccine didn't stop you from getting mumps or becoming deaf. Vaccines don't guarantee anything.

DaisyDaresYOU · 27/02/2011 10:38

Nope they certainly don't.Mw said I have to have the mmr vaccine before I have another baby.I still havent had it done

DaisyDaresYOU · 27/02/2011 10:41

I never had a bcg(think it's what it's called) either.I'm a needle phobic Blush

bubbleymummy · 27/02/2011 10:48

Have your immunity checked Daisy - you obviously won't need the mumps part of the MMR because you'll be naturally immune and you might be immune to rubella too.

bubbleymummy · 27/02/2011 10:50

bcg is for TB and that isn't given now unless you're in an 'at-risk' area which seems a bit silly really seeing as the reason they stopped giving it was because it wasn't very effective.....not to mention that using a postcode to determine whether an area is 'at-risk' makes absolutely no sense unless everyone in that area is quarantined! :)

DaisyDaresYOU · 27/02/2011 10:59

It's strange I had german measles in childhood and the mumps before I had my 1st baby but needed the mmr apparently

bubbleymummy · 27/02/2011 11:02

Very strange Daisy...did they test you first or just give it to you? I know some people think they still need to be vaccinated even though they've had the disease. Maybe it was just the measles component they wanted to cover you for...This is one of the things that seems silly though - why should you have to be vaccinated for all 3 diseases even though you already have immunity to two of them simply because the government decided not to give people the choice? It's madness - although now if singles were brought back in it would look like the government were admitting there was something wrong with the MMR....sigh....

bubbleymummy · 27/02/2011 11:12

Sorry - just realised that you said you got mumps when you were an adult - which is when it is risker. So many people are in the same situation as you - they are vaccinated as children and then the vaccine only provides protection for a few years and then end up being vulnerable to mumps in adulthood when there is a greater risk of complications. If they caught mumps in childhood they would have lifelong protection and the risk of mumps in childhood are very very small.

DaisyDaresYOU · 27/02/2011 11:22

I'm not sure.Mw gave me blood test for it.She said i'm not immune and told me the effect it can have on next baby if I don't have the mmr.I had got preg again and she told me the same thing.I know I should probaly have it done.But it's not easy for me being needle phobic.The german measles I caught not long after the jab

BuzzLiteBeer · 27/02/2011 12:21

we have the bcg at one week old as standard. Almost every baby has it.

bubbleymummy · 27/02/2011 13:00

It's not given as standard across the UK buzz - very few babies have it :)

Daisy, did she specify which one you aren't immune to?

BuzzLiteBeer · 27/02/2011 13:04

I didn't say it was, I said WE have it, here, in my country.

Original poster
ladyfirenze · 27/02/2011 13:11

where I live bcg is given at the hospital before you go home with baby.

Pagwatch. Cheers. Actually to be honest I'm in more of a dilemma than before posting.

I thought I'd truly come round to the idea, but I guess that in fact I'm pressuring myself. I am desperate to do the 'right' thing.... as we all are I'm sure. I seem to be able to persuade myself that jabs are 'right' but then a little bit more research and debate, and I'm clinging to the fence like there's no tomorrow. The fact that I get pressure to do it (the dc have been endlessly back and forth to the doctors lately - chest and ear infections being passed between them repeatedly, and our practice is large and I see a variety of doctors)

OP posts:
Original poster
ladyfirenze · 27/02/2011 13:13

only adds to my dilemma. I don't subscribe to the 'all medics are in a conspiracy' theory, but I can't ignore the work of large pharmcos and the harm they do, so I don't trust the industry.

OP posts:
new2cm · 27/02/2011 13:18

I haven't read all the replies.

IMO, if (as I understand it) your son is now 14, and he wants to be vaccinated, then you should allow him to be vaccinated.

new2cm · 27/02/2011 13:21

As for your daughters (does Dts mean daughters?), I would have them vaccinated as well.

However, you will have to send a statement to your husband (i would put it in writing) to say that you now believe the time is right to have your daughters vaccinated. Leave it at that, and try not to entertain an arguement over it all.

Good luck and a big hug.

new2cm · 27/02/2011 13:22

Sorry, that should have read ex-partner, I will leave the thread!

Pagwatch · 27/02/2011 13:23

New2cm

The ops twins are six. So not really able to chose. The clue is opening line of op saying " the dts are 6". Grin

Lady. It is a bloody nightmare. I would love to be one of the nutters evangelical types on either side of the issue. To absoloutely know you are right must be great.
But for some of us it is an agony and exhausting. It makes the shouty glib types all the more annoying.

DaisyDaresYOU · 27/02/2011 13:25

No she didn't say.I assumed she meant all of them.I thought if you have already had mumps and german measles your immune to it.

bubbleymummy · 27/02/2011 13:31

Yes, you should be. That was why it was a bit strange - unless she was just worried because you weren't immune to measles and unfortunately the only choice available at the moment is to get vaccinated against all 3! :)

Original poster
ladyfirenze · 27/02/2011 13:34

new2cm my eldest son is 14 and has chosen to be jabbed at high school with his bcg. His choice, and it seemed to be fine. My dilemma is with my completely un-jabbed twin sons who are six. And at this precise moment, after reading cochrane...... aargh!!

OP posts:
bubbleymummy · 27/02/2011 13:37

ladyf - do you have a link to cochrane? Thanks!