I need advice and sanity from you lot.
Yesterday DS (just 14)went to a friend's birthday from 12 - 6. These are new friends from new school so dh and I very pleased, keen to foster friendships etc. Dh dropped off ds and reported back parents v nice, birthday banners, all seemed v jolly. Dh went to pick up ds at 6 and saw bottles of cider on tea table. He commented (but didn't criticise because of ds being there), and the parents said that they thought it best that the children had a drink in front of them rather than in secret.
Dh and ds got home and ds told me that on arrival they'd been given a can of cider (classy)each and he'd drunk his along with the rest as otherwise the other boys would have gone into school and said he was a pussy (classier still). They went to the cinema and then had cider with tea (ds says he only had a glass).
So. I understand the position ds felt himself to be in, although I am cross because I am v clear there is not to be drinking. I am furious with the parents for not asking us first. But mostly I don't know what to do for the future, as clearly this is the culture at their (middle England, wealthy, academically selective)school. I don't want ds to not be able to go to things, and i don't want him to be the odd one out etc etc, but i am terrified of alcohol because of father and brother. I know rationally that one drink will not make him an alcoholic, but I feel this strong urge to cut off all my feelings to save long term hurt as I had to with father and brother. Obviously am fighting this.
But also feel that 14 is much much to young to drink.
I am also a hypocrite who drinks huge amounts of wine.
What shall I do?