Porn. Not a thread about a thread so much as a thread ^inspired^ by a thread

[allsquareknickersnofurcoat]

From what I have seen on MN, it seems I am in a very small minority not to have a problem with porn? Its a complete non-issue to me whether my DH uses porn.
I just dont understand it? Yes, I am aware that women can be exploited, but that is true of so many other things too. And it seems to be the porn itself that is the problem, rather than the working conditions that bothers people anyway.
What is so bad about watching people having sex? To anyone that says its poorly acted, why does that matter so much? Lots of TV programmes are poorly acted, that doesnt stop people enjoying them!

I obviously dont think AIBU, but am curious to know why people would think I am? And okay, part of me is hoping that the use of porn will have a less extreme reaction away from the Relationships board?

I think Stewie sums up the issue very well. In days gone by porn was fairly inoffensive and seemed to at least portray mututal enjoyment. Presently porn is about the subjugation of women and is increasingly violent and aggressive. Indeed the porn in the thread that has inspired this one concerned 'spit roasting' and things the poster found even worse. Typical of the dehumanising genre which has become mainstream today.

The idea of men enjoying these images is disturbing. While we can't help the things that tickle our fancy it is sad that not so long ago (pre-internet basically) men could enjoy rather more sedate porn, but now have to resort to increasingly extremist images to get their rocks off.

There is a niche (no pun intended!) for exhibitionists, hully. It's much more preferable to commercial porn because at least the people involved are genuinely into each other and genuinely get off on being watched.

It's the complete disregard for the enjoyment of the participants that I find so distasteful about porn.

I understand that seeing good-looking people having sex with each other on film can be a turn on. I get it. What bothers me about porn is that that sex has to be so aggressive and impersonal. That the woman always has to be degraded in some way.

If it's just about watching people having sex then why isn't that sex depicted as being loving and fun? The fact that there's this whole other layer of dominance and degradation imposed on it just makes it sinister and seedy for me.

I'd be upset if my partner got aroused by seeing a woman being used as a foil for men's sexual aggression.

I wouldn't mind if he liked being a voyeur and watching loving couples getting their kicks together on film.

Nope, I would not care if people wanted to watch other people have the sex in the example you have given.

Personally, I'd rather not, but that's just because I don't have a particularly voyeuristic sexual drive.

Oh, and I have found pornography belonging to former partners and I wasn't particularly upset about it - I certainly don't feel that I am somehow made "less attractive" by pornography. I object utterly to the horrendous lives lived by the majority of those working in the sex "industry" and I hate the pornification of our society.

Most porn is shot from a males view. and not a nice sensetive male who is interested in the girls personality.

It is misgynistic in the extreme.

But if you do enjoy looking at porn then i would suggest you seek some out by a female producer/director. It is shot very differently.

What I meant about exhibitionists was that perhaps people who get off on it would be WILLING participants, paid and treated properly so that we could have slightly more ethical sex films for those who like to watch them.

It is not something that would turn me on - watching normal people have sex, or "fair trade porn" but I would not object to it.

Not sure if you could ever really be sure of the latter though. How would you police such a policy of fair trade porn?

Hully, yeah it would make sense huh?

I guess it wouldn't be commerically viable though because it's not impersonal and aggressive dehumanising enough.

Surely the best thing to do then is to find a way to make sure all porn (in which I include any media of anyone having sex, not just the plastic, orange, blonde, hairless women being cum on from every angle!) is regulated. Porn clearly isnt going anywhere.

And then, surely no one would have a problem with it [am sceptical that would be the case]

madonna Surely consenting fairtrade porn actors could still do the hardcore stuff? Some people do enjoy these things, surely they could just be the ones in the film?

pulls up chair

puts on flame retardant suit

threads marshmallows onto stick

here we go again

madonnawhore - I agree, two people having sex is nowhere near extreme enough these days. There really does seem to be a constant pushing of the boundaries (this sounds rude) and I also wonder if there is a desensitising (another pun) issue - you know, if you've watched a lot of porn, you need more hard core images to get off?

I have no idea if this is the case whatsoever, BTW, just wondering if that's the case or not.

I haven't thought about porn for ages, but now I am thinking about it, and it really is weird.

But I guess some people have always like hard core stuff. Caligula et al. And remember all the furore over the stilettos and the hamsters?

Fair trade sex films are the way to go.

Also I think that exhibitionist couples maybe get the thrill out of it being 'not the norm' (I'm not an exhibitionist so I'm making assumptions here) and if it was their 9-5 day job it might ruin the excitement somewhat.

That's another point as well. Commercial porn has to make money so the performers participate because they have to, not because they want to. So not sexy.

Commercial porn has to make money so the performers participate because they have to, not because they want to. So not sexy.

That's a bizarre argument. Using that logic, romantic movies cannot be romantic because the film must make money so the actors participate because they have to, not because they want to.

As long as the porn actors are doing their "job" of their own free will and are not coerced then live & let live I say.

But it's like any film madonna The participants you see in a love scene wont be into each other either, it's all part of the job.

Or what Niceguy2 said but he got in there first!

I agree with madonnawhore and Shirley.

Well, the actors in love scenes in movies aren't really having sex. They're pretending to have sex.

Actors in porn movies are actually having sex but pretending to enjoy it, which I find disturbing.

Ok but the actors in love scenes are really kissing. Most of the time they're just kissing a collegue but having to look as though they're madly in love with them. It's all part of the acting job.

"I agree, two people having sex is nowhere near extreme enough these days. There really does seem to be a constant pushing of the boundaries (this sounds rude) and I also wonder if there is a desensitising (another pun) issue - you know, if you've watched a lot of porn, you need more hard core images to get off?"

It is true, IME. I knew a bloke at uni' who loved porn and during an MSN chat with him over the holidays, I was berating him for being such a moron about it when he admitted that these days he couldn't get off on watching a couple just having straight sex, he needed more shocking stuff. The fucking weirdo.

He let someone shit in his mouth once. See where it all ends up?

Even if we could get a dolphin-friendly style tuna porn scheme going, I would still be against it on moral grounds.

Even if the actors aren't there under duress in awful situations undergoing a massive potential for attracting and spreading disease, there are other issues.

I want my husband to enjoy looking at me, not someone else.
I don't want to feel inadequate compared to how the actresses look or act.
I don't want my children to think that a healthy sex life is one where a man is only satisfied by extreme positions and arrangements.

To me, sex is about more than genitalia and cum. I simply don't understand how watching or looking at porn could help your sex life unless your attitude to sex is very misogynistic and purely physical.

If, given the dolphin-friendly situation outlined above, others still wanted to look at porn, I would be a bit happier about them doing so, but would still consider them somewhat depraved odd. Therefore, even if you could guarantee him "fairtrade porn", I would not be happy with my husband using it, and would still be a deal-breaker to our relationship. Sorry, but that is simply how I feel.

There are female porn makers, Anna Span and Petra Joy are the ones I've seen, I don't find them particularly a turn on but I imagine if I wasn't in a healthy sexual relationship or was single then they would probably appeal more, my DH wasn't in the least bit interested in watching them with me, I was watching them through curiosity, I'd got to 40 without seeing any porn at all, DH was quite amused, he's of the opinion that why would you want to watch sex when you could be having it.
Being against porn is actually a seperate issue to the problem of a woman finding out her partner uses ( which is different to passivley viewing) porn - it seems that those men lie to their wives and say they don't use it or even that they don't like it, only for the woman to find, sometimes years down the line that he is quite the porn hound.
It's about finding a part of your partner's personality that you knew nothing about or that you were deliberately lied to.
Women seem to then think there must be something wrong with them that their man has to go off and wank to porn in secret, what often happens is the man becomes less and less interested in sex with his loving partner the more porn he uses, it's directly attributable, there have been countless threads on here from women whose men would rather sit and watch "dirty cum-guzzling sluts" than have mutually satisfying and enjoyable sex with their partner - that's the reality for a lot of women.

He let someone shit in his mouth once. See where it all ends up?

Lmao!

worraliberty there is a world of difference between two actors in a love scene sharing a stage kiss while pretending to have romantic sex, and two actors in a porn film having rough sex and pretending to enjoy it.

Also, love scenes in movies are driven by a larger narrative, they serve a plot, they are designed and acted to evoke an emotional response (note: emotional, not sexual) in the audience and make the viewer feel empathy and sympathy for the characters the actors are portraying. Porn scenes don't do any of these things.

While it is not my cup of tea personally, I am not against the "idea" of pornography in and of itself (ie looking at erotic images of other people engaged in sexual acts), but imho what is available is vile, derivative and completely dehumanises women.

I have yet to see any porn that isn't a very crude and unsophisticated paint-it-by-numbers of "what gets a guy off". There are various moves and gestures that feature in each one I've had occasion to see and frankly, no one does those things in real life, it's just silly actually. It's almost become a language within a language, entirely self referential.

I am dismayed by some of the offerings of more recent years which seems to have made stuff like gangbangs, double penetration and gagging during a blow job mainstream. Honestly don't know how a couple can watch that kind of violence and get off on it. Men, now that's another thing altogether, who knows?

Also, porn is wooden and fake, the acting is terrible, and I'm talking about the acting during sex not in the run up (if there is any, gonzo seems the order of the day these days). No one looks like they are enjoying it, even the blokes to be honest. That is what makes it so unerotic to me. Like the porn actors in "Love Actually", it is completely mundane.

Interesting about the fairtrade porn idea.