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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not even consider breastfeeding

423 replies

Ilovemybreasts · 20/02/2011 16:39

Currently pregnant with no 2, breastfed no 1 to around six months and HATED the experience so not keen to repeat it for several reasons.

1)Felt like a big, leaky, highly uncomfortable cow for the whole time and could not wait to have my body back.

  1. Have seen the physical effects of breast feeding two children on several of my friends and it ain't pretty. My breasts are large and have only just recovered from the first feeding frenzy. Two shirt-spaced cycles of constant swelling and shrinking would not be good for their wellbeing! Although my body has borne children I still like to look and feel attractive; being a mother is not my whole identity and not an excuse to let my health and image fall by the wayside.

  2. Hours spent pumping and clusterfeeding and mucking about led to a very tired and stressed out me and this time I will have a toddler also needing my time and attention.

  3. The many benefits of breastfeeding are not entirely obvious to me. Dc1 still gets ill and picks up bugs as much as several other children we know who were exclusively ff.

  4. I became a complete bf bore, bleating on to everyone about it and it's benefits. I swear it took over my life when I should have just been enjoying my baby.

Flame away. Convince me otherwise. Am I likely to be judged for this in real life?

OP posts:
ongakgak · 20/02/2011 19:05

If you were my mate in RL I would suggest you to not decide now, and see how you felt post birth. I would suggest that you give Bf a go and see how you went and if it was making you feel like crud, then stop. I guess I am saying, keep an open mind and wait and see how you feel when your baby comes.

The slightly defensive "it's my body, my tits will sag, I deserve to be beautiful" tripe is quite annoying, so for that YABU. Grin

NinkyNonker · 20/02/2011 19:05

I do think the colostrum/those first few days of suckling are important. If nothing else just think about the comfort a freaked out newborn gets from that first contact with mother.

NinkyNonker · 20/02/2011 19:07

Oh, and by implying that you will somehow be more attractive than breastfeeding mothers won't win you many fans either. (Doesn't bf aid weightloss in most cases anyhow?)

messylittlemonkey · 20/02/2011 19:16

YANBU.

It's your choice.

I wanted to BF DD1 but she was taken to SCBU shortly after birth and had various problems. She wasn't able to have ANY milk whatsoever for a couple of days and to cut a long story short, I quickly gave up BFing her. In some ways it was a relief to have the decision taken out of my hands and I never looked back once I started FFing. I realised then that although I had wanted to BF, it was mainly down to a feeling of needing to do the 'right' thing as opposed to it actually feeling right for me.

When I got pg with DD2, I ws pretty sure from the off that I wouldn't BF and I haven't (except for her first few feeds in the hospital as I wanted to get SOME colostrum into her).

With DD1, i was always explaining why she ws FF, but with DD2 I don't feel that need. It's no-one elses business after all.

Good luck with your decision.

MummyBerryJuice · 20/02/2011 19:20

YABU - and you know it.

You are looking for validation - which is not ours to give.

You want us to agree with your reasoning - which is flawed so most on here won't

But

It is your decision. Yours to make and yours to live with and tbh (although you know breastfeeding is what your baby deserves) only when you accept that will you stop feeling defensive and conflicted.

PigletJohn · 20/02/2011 19:29

"To not even consider breastfeeding"

But you have considered it.

And made your choice.

MissyKLo · 20/02/2011 19:33

Agree with leonie on this one

You asked so why get so defensive

In my opinion your reasons are so selfish and like leonie said your 'excuses' are just - well again selfish

You made the choice to have a baby so why not give that baby the best start in life by bf?

If you want to try and dismiss all the benefits of bf that is up to you but bf benefits a baby in a way that formula never can

I dont really understand how you can ignore facts such as bf benefits a baby's newly formed gut, the reduction in the risk of cot death, meningitis etc all because 'you want your body back'

I just think how selfish, selfish, selfish and yes, if you were my friend in RL with such reasons I would judge you I have to be honest

You asked the question so I answered with my personal opinion and that's all it is but really, is six months of bf really too much to give to your child? Think about your baby.

pastamouse · 20/02/2011 19:35

Brew Biscuit >

MissyKLo · 20/02/2011 19:39

Your 'i want my body back' comments really sadden me - how selfish and self-indulgent and what a complete disregard for your baby and the benefits they will get from bf.

I know bf is hard work but I will be really proud to be able to tell my kids I bf'd them and would be so ashamed if I told them that actually no, I didn't bf you and give you the benefits of bf even though these benefits are so known now because I wanted my body and my tits back Hmm
would you be happy telling your child that?

MarianneM · 20/02/2011 19:41

Some weird attitudes here, including yours, OP.

Leaking...have you heard of breast pads?

I'm breastfeeding my 7mo and I look and feel attractive! Breastfeeding has, if anything, helped me shed 2.5 stone in weight.

How is breastfeeding going to cause your health to fall by the wayside? Hmm

Why do you need to pump? I've pumped milk once in seven months (had a job interview).

Babies don't usually clusterfeel for that long.

If the benefits of breastfeeding are not entirely obvious to you, do a simple google search and you will find out what the benefits are. Of course breastfeeding your baby doesn't mean he/she will never pick up a bug or anything!

Breast feeding does nothing for me at all, it would have tied me to all the feeds, and restricted when I went out the house, cos I be darn sure I'd never get my breast out in public to breast feed.

As for this poster - erm, isn't breastfeeding meant to do something for your baby? And God forbid should you be tied to your baby! And getting your breast out in public to feed your baby? The shame! Hmm

All these "I want my body back" comments: having a baby means giving up a lot of yourself for someone else. People today don't seem to be able to put anyone else's needs above their own - not even their babies'.

MarianneM · 20/02/2011 19:47

P.S. Charlotte Raven's article on feminism in The Guardian touches on this.

www.guardian.co.uk/books/2010/mar/06/charlotte-raven-feminism-madonna-price

MissyKLo · 20/02/2011 19:48

Totally agree marianne

I can't believe the selfish I want my body back comments

Again Op would you be happy to explain to your child that you didnt bf and give them all the benefits of bf because you 'wanted your tits back' ?!

As you put this out there I would like to think you are happy for some of us to think yabvu

strandedpolarbear · 20/02/2011 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rainbowinthesky · 20/02/2011 19:53

Well, there is obviously a difference and silly to pretend otherwise. However, I dont like the whole mums must never be selfish thing.

usualsuspect · 20/02/2011 19:53

You did know how this thread would end up OP ?

Pheebe · 20/02/2011 19:57

YANBU, your body, your baby, your choice. So long as you've thought through all the pros and cons its entirely up to you.

This whole - what are you gonna say when your child asks why you didn't give them the benefit of breast milk - is such a none argument. I mean really...

usualsuspect · 20/02/2011 19:59

My 3 grown up kids have never asked how they were fed tbh

MissyKLo · 20/02/2011 20:01

Polarbear - if you were happy with your decision that is up to you but the OP has put this out there and she will get differing replies

I don't expect anyone to worry or care about how I feel
About ff an bf at all but I do have an opinion on it! If you are happy with your choice then you should not feel the need to defend it - even If someone like me doesn't agree with it! Smile

AlwaysbeOpralFruitstome · 20/02/2011 20:01

Angelina Jolie, Julia Roberts, Elle MacPherson et al - saggy titted munters the lot of them!!
Hmm

For what it's worth, BFing my first was one of the most traumatic times in my life but the subsequent two have been a absolute piece of piss - different baby's different experiences. But as others have said, do whatever you think is best for your family. Will somebody judge you for not bfing? Undoubtedly. So what?

Not sure why it has to be 6 months or nothing? Regardless, only you (and your baby) have to live with the consequences good, bad or neutral so stop wasting your energy on peoples thoughts that have no relevance to your life.

ambarth · 20/02/2011 20:04

[grin]@usualsuspect
Usual defensive crap from formula feeders who know better than the scientists with evidence, usual sanctimonious crap from breastfeeding smuggers.

Breastmilk is proven to have benefits however, your tits your choice. And why does any other woman give a shit about anothers feeding choices if not to feel a little smug?

mummynutter · 20/02/2011 20:05

'being a mother is not my whole identity and not an excuse to let my health and image fall by the wayside.'

Why would your health and image suffer???

BFing has many health benefits, not just for baby but for you as well.

Your image doesnt need to suffer either if you dont want it to.

If you dont like BF'ing fine- although that would be kinda 'tough luck' if you lived in many countries in the world, or before formula was invented.

As parents we make sacrifices for our offspring and should do whatever is in our power to offer them the best start in life.

If you arent willing to do that maybe you shouldnt have any more children.

rainbowinthesky · 20/02/2011 20:07

"As parents we make sacrifices for our offspring and should do whatever is in our power to offer them the best start in life.

If you arent willing to do that maybe you shouldnt have any more children"

What a pile of crap! Should we apply this logic to all our parenting decisions? WHo would want to live like this? Not me adn I bf one of mine till 4 and the other till 3.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 20/02/2011 20:14

Fair play op, do what makes you happy, thats a much better position to be mothering from imo.

I didnt BF either of mine, i had no intention of it, the idea creeps me out a bit. I just couldnt see the point. Yes i know there are a million benefits, but for me there were simply more benefits for FF, so thahts what i went with. (body confidence is a serious issue for me)

As an aside, i was BF until i was 2.5years, and when having my own children my mom would talk of how lovely it was and the bonding and the benefits. I find the very idea that i was BF repulsive and embarrasing tbh and left the room when she started talking about it. Yes, I know thats weird, but thats how i felt.

Good luck OP with your little one to be Smile

Northernlurker · 20/02/2011 20:14

Just an aside - strandedpolarbear - are you not Stealth polarbear then?

duchesse · 20/02/2011 20:14

It's pregnancy that makes your tits sag if they're going to, not breastfeeding. So by the time you're holding the monkey, the damage is done if it's going to happen. I've breastfed 3 children and am currently feeding the 4th and still don't have saggy tits.

Also, if it works well, then it is (imo) much easier than formula feeding for a clutz like me- honestly I would not remember to take the stuff out with me and my baby would have to go hungry if I didn't already have the wherewithal attached to me.

That said, if breastfeeding makes you miserable then don't do it! I say that as a person who is very (for health reasons) sold on breastfeeding, but I believe that a miserable mother is worse for a child than formula by a very long chalk. Formula is not poison or they wouldn't sell very much of it.