AIBU to expect nursery to wipe my sons bum at 4?

[reality1]

Son is 4 and just cannot get the whole wiping bum thing and panicks when his bum isnt properly cleaned.
He has said he cant have a poo at nursery because he cant wipe his bum so he waits until he is home.
I had a word with nursery and they said they are not allowed to they can only talk him through it.
The trouble is my son has quite an issue with this so instead of being talked through wiping his bum he will just hold it in.
He is only just 4 before i get flamed for wiping his bum this long and there are 3 year olds in his class as well AIBU

You could drown in one of these

Standard US Toilet

Much harder in one of these

UK Toilet

I wonder if it's some weird statistic from across the pond.

"TimeWasting Sat 19-Feb-11 14:38:28
If the children couldn't read at the expected age you wouldn't be calling them incompetent though would you? Or would you?
"

to be clear if the child (Without SN) cannot wipe its own bum by 4 is the incompetence of the parent or guardian and not the child's incompetence so I think this is a wholly unfair jibe!

TAs.
They have to leave the group they are working with and go and wipe a bum.

I think that's what this thread is about, Pixie.
If you have SEN that involves toileting, there needs to be an intimate care plan with designated individuals and such. Plus wetwipes, changes of clothing and proper hazmat disposal facilities.

I remember some years ago "statistics" of deaths and injuries in the USA due to toilets (urban myth?)
www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/pubs/drown.html

Because no one should be flushing wetwipes.
Or the disposable gloves that need to be worn.

DS is at full day preschool. He only poos at home.

Point taken I need to get him to wipe his own bum, I just assumed it was something he would want to do for himself at the right time.

My mum is a paedietrician and she has never commented on it so I assumed it was not an issue.

I don't know why this is inspiring such vitriol really, but ok fine I'm a lazy parent so I will sort it out.

The alternative is a distressed and uncomfortable child who may have to sit in soiled clothing until hometime.
If the parents fail the child, the schools must not.

The thing is

I don't think it's lazy parenting

I think it's ignorance - not knowing that this is one of the things you have to teach - for some reason you'll talk about developmental milestones even about potty training but the subject of bum-wiping wll not come up - so if someone hasn't pointed out that you have to teach it, practice it and expect it then why would you know?

And if your peer-group are equally ignorant who will tell them?

ignorance meant as not knowing not an insult

Yes activate, that's the situation I am in, until this thread came up I had no idea that I was failing my DS.

He is happy, healthy, has teeth that are the envy of his dentist and is meeting all his developmental milestones.

I feel bad now that I have been letting him down, in my mind I had thought that provided he was able to do it before he went to school properly then that was the right time frame. I never expected teachers or class room assistants at pre school to wipe his bottom because he is quite private about his poos ( except for getting his bottom wiped) and won't do them anywhere except at home.

I am talking about children in reception, not preschool.

I think lots of parents feel they are helping their child by wiping bums, dressing, cutting up food, carrying school bags, hanging up coats ...long, long lists of thing to help your children grow into independent individuals.

In reception classes it is often the teacher who ends up wiping bums (and very expensive bum wipers at that)

do you not think it is very embarassing and degrading for a 4 yo to have somone wipe up his shit???

The really funny thing is when they are still doing many of those things for a KS2 child mrz.
Sometimes said child barely makes eye contact before hurling a selection of items at the baggage mule and running off to play with friends.

Oh the baggage mule

how I laugh at small children who thrust their bags and coats at me after school

and their amazement when I exclaim out loud "Hai ham not a donkey, ccarry your own stuff"