AIBU to expect nursery to wipe my sons bum at 4?

[reality1]

Son is 4 and just cannot get the whole wiping bum thing and panicks when his bum isnt properly cleaned.
He has said he cant have a poo at nursery because he cant wipe his bum so he waits until he is home.
I had a word with nursery and they said they are not allowed to they can only talk him through it.
The trouble is my son has quite an issue with this so instead of being talked through wiping his bum he will just hold it in.
He is only just 4 before i get flamed for wiping his bum this long and there are 3 year olds in his class as well AIBU

'The amount of under 5's that drown in toilet bowls through curiosity or messing around and being unable to pull themselves out is shocking!'

Source and statistics please.
Most toilets in preschool/EY are well-monitored, better than in many homes.

they can't do it because you don't teach them from potty training and you don't expect them to be able to do it by 4

end of

it is not developmmental by 4 it is expectation

it is not like learning to run, jump, talk or read etc - it is just an expectation

for a child without a special need to not be able to do this adequately by 4 is down to the parent's expectations and not the child's

OMG totally missed the drowing in toilet stat
LOL

Lol at just an expectation.

So if I expect them to sleep through the night they will. Can I expect his legs to get longer so he can reach the toilet?

your 4 year old doesn't sleep through either?

rofl..... nurserys and schools have low toilets because children are little... sod all to do with kids drowning in the bog pan..

has anyone ever heard of a kid drowning in the loo?????????

He's too short to reach the toilet?
Most toddlers use a step-up stool don't they, and a seat inset?

I was applying your wild generalisations to another developmental issue.

My 2 year old does sleep through the night, some others don't.

I'm not obtuse enough to believe that my experiences should apply to all children.

I can see that a kid could, in theory, drown in an American style loo which hold a fair amount of water, but not a British loo. Even a child's head wouldn't be able to fit down the bit where the water is!

mutters experience, history and national expectations of children entering schooling

ROFL at trying to work out how a child feasibly could drown in a loo

is anyone willing to try practically "C'mere Charlie lets see how we can get your head down there"

But children enter the school system at 3 these days, wildly different to the 5 which is actually considered 'school age' in law.

It doesn't matter what you expect of them, if they're not capable, they're not capable.

There have been quite a lot of comments over the last 5 years or so about EY children starting school with far fewer skills across the board than the cohorts of a decade or more ago.
Everything from communication and social skills, fine and gross motor skills through a range of other areas to personal care.
It has been commented on informally, and in professional journals and papers.
There's probably a study or two out there with statistics.
Possibly covering being able to wipe your own bum.

I agree and disagree, well yes if they are toilet trained they should be able to wipe their bum, not sure about properly though, even older children can't very well. As for the person that appeared on Embarrassing Bodies once complaining of poo in his bum, Dr Jessen told him to erm well revise his wiping techniques. Therefore while I expect a 4 year old to wipe, I would not expect it to the same standard that I would, they are still learning and getting the hang of it.

and the relevant point being that the only reason theyre not capable is the PARENT

exactly Goblinchild!

Arse-wiping nostalgia isn't what it was in my day.

Well my dd is 3.11 and her bum wiping is very hit and miss, then again we are seeing the paed about possible SN, I am just thankful she is out of nappies and using the toilet.

of course if we were talking about reading all these parents would be reading nightly to their child and encouraging them in developing their skills and then crowing in the playground about their early reader

far more important to a child's confidence and ego for them to learn and practice effective personal care, putting their own shoes and coats on etc

perhaps we should colour band levels of competence activate

My kids would have been mortified to ask someone to wipe their bums at 3 let alone 4.
Stop infantalising your kids!

If the children couldn't read at the expected age you wouldn't be calling them incompetent though would you? Or would you?

no because reading really does have a developmental age-span that means becomig a fluent reader anywhere up to 8 or 9 is perfectly normal

the salient point is that no parent would expect them to just pick it up when they reach a certain age - they will read to and with their child and listen to them stumble over phonics interminably

and yet there you are saying that you do it for them because they're too diddy

no if you're potty training you're toilet training which includes wiping and washing hands