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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I shouldn't have to find childcare for my son when I attend medical appointments

150 replies

muttimalzwei · 18/02/2011 18:16

I went to a counselling session this week and took my son along. I'd been convinced he would sleep through it (he's 22 months) and of course he wasn't going to oblige. So I pushed him into the counsellors room and she told me I would need to find childcare for him and make a new appointment as it wasn't appropriate. I understood where she was coming from as I will be much more relaxed and able to concentrate without him there. Then yesterday attended a dentists appointment with my daughter, son was with me too. Was told not to bring him along for the next appointment (my daughter will have a tooth out)as it is too distracting. I am just feeling a bit got at. I do not have childcare on tap (no family nearby) and cannot just drop my son off with friends willy nilly. Am I being unreasonable to feel that they are being a bit unreasonable??!!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 19/02/2011 10:10

Yes, I wondered if this would make a good campaign but

  • it's too vague - what exaclty do we want?
  • with the public sector cuts it is almost certainly not going to happen :(

Did you know in Sussex (??) they are getting rid of all the lollipop men/women to save the measly £3000/year each gets paid!

Original poster
muttimalzwei · 19/02/2011 10:14

It needs thought and I haven't got two brain cells to rub together today. Lollipop men gone, how sad and shortsighted

OP posts:
CameronCook · 19/02/2011 10:15

Might be worth asking your local council - ours offers a 2 hour creche service at one of its leisure centres - you don't have to stay on site (its advertised at shoppers but would be good for appointments)

I do agree that it is inappropriate to take a child to an extraction - there will be blood which both DCs could find distressing and your DD may need to be carried if sedated- and your DS may find it distressing if you're upset in a counselling session.

coccyx · 19/02/2011 10:19

There is help available..called anursery.
Make a day of it and put 22 month old in for the day.
Where so we draw the line at making sure services are accessible.

ThePosieParker · 19/02/2011 10:19

Where I live you can't get counselling, let alone a creche.

upahill · 19/02/2011 10:20

I too had no family nearby when my kids were small.

If I had appointments I sent mine to a childminder who I found through word of mouth who then charged by the hour as they weren't normally in her care.

Tough but my kids,my responsibility.
I wouldn't have dreamt of taking them to one of my medical appointments with the exception of a quick doctors where it was routine and no examinations needed.

BoffinMum · 19/02/2011 10:33

Ipahill, you were lucky, round here there are no childminders and further afield the ones that do exost would not take children for one-off sessions.

BoffinMum · 19/02/2011 10:34

I quite frequently take them to medical appointments, the dentists and all sorts. Everyone else round here does as well. They are not pets that you can tie to a tree outside. 'My children, my responsibility' my arse. It takes a village to raise a child.

gillybean2 · 19/02/2011 10:37

None round here either. And when ds was small I was on IS and could barely afford to feed us let alone pay for a CM!

People don't understand how tough it is when you have absolutely no support.

upahill · 19/02/2011 10:37

Are you sure? I say that because I went up to the school gates and asked people. One or two were prepared to help out because the kids that they looked after were at school during the day and it was only for an hour.

Friends who went to parent/toddler groups knew who to recommend as well.

Just thought it was worth a shot for you.

upahill · 19/02/2011 10:39

gillybean I think more people than you realize how tough it is when you are skint. I've been there and struggled. My parents live miles and miles away and in laws are dead.

The only thing is that it does get easier in time.

(Although you think that time will never come!)

gillybean2 · 19/02/2011 10:45

my ds is 12. It isn't any easier.
JUst lst week I've had to explain to my insurance solicitor why I couldn't go to physio after a car accident (which will have a negative impact on my claim), and why I've barely been to the doctors, and why I insisted on coming home from the hospital the same day even though they said I should stay in over night.

upahill · 19/02/2011 10:50

Why can't you go to physio gillybean?

I just found things so much easier once the kids went to school and I could make daytime appointments.

I can understand the problems about being away overnight.

I'm sorry it has such a negative effect on your claim.

Hope you are ok.

gillybean2 · 19/02/2011 11:01

Because I have a job while he is at school and because the only way I can get ds to and from school (half an hour away) is to drive him myself before continuing on another half an hour to work.

BoffinMum · 19/02/2011 11:03

Upahill, there are no registered childminders in this area. If people at the school gate were offering to look after children in their homes, they would be practising illegally. Which was my point.

upahill · 19/02/2011 11:04

Yep It's not easy I grant you.
I work full time myself so I do know.

But going back to the OP I do think that the counselor and the dentist were right in asking for no other children to be there.

BoffinMum · 19/02/2011 11:06

I think it actually breaches the professional code for the dentists, actually. I will check when I am back at work.

merryberry · 19/02/2011 11:06

the other thing i did when i needed it was i paid for online counselling to deal with adaptation to chronic pain. was fine. but expensive, i cut it short when i'd made just enough progress. could see why people turn to religion, at least its free at initial point of access:)

I think the nhs is doing an online one, yes, i remember seeing job adverts for it! wait.

tada

big white wall

only free in some areas via nhs referral. see postcode search obx on homepage.

merryberry · 19/02/2011 11:08

is not one to one couselling i think. but is cheap if you pay - 2 quid a week!

Newgolddream · 19/02/2011 11:10

""I think there was a trained counsellor on the thread and her view was that it was better to go to the counselling - with child in tow - than not attend at all."

and being advised to visit a more "symapthetic" counsellor" ....

I work in a NHS Psychotherapy clinic and am a trained RMN, perhaps Im reading too much into this but I dont like the implication that because we dont encourage children in at a patients session we are not "sympathetic".

I dont agree its better to go with child than not at all - because no-one has a script of what they are going to say before a session - patients are often surprised at what can and does often arise ina session, ots not just a case of a therapist sitting going "there there dear", so I think childrens presence is whilly innapropriate.

I had a woman once who had been raped and abused by her DH, plus she had lost a baby (in traumatic circumstances) - and yet used to bring her older children along - how on earth could we discuss anything here. As it was it provided a good basis to looking at this - and I discovered she was scared to come and open up and was somehow unconsciously using the children as a barrier, her protection from further short term pain for long term gain.

I actually totally agree with the ideas from posters about NHS creches etc, not just for patients but staff to. I guess in this climate with more and more public scetor cuts its not going to happen.

upahill · 19/02/2011 11:12

Whether it breeches a code or not Boffin would you really want a baby in the room while another child is having a tooth out?

Arguments aside about babysitting issues I think the dentist has a good point.

You will have a child that is potential frightened and will need soothing words and mum around and then a nearly 2 year old who will be wanting to get into everything and then probably tapping into the tension.

Newgolddream · 19/02/2011 11:12

Oh god, loads of typos lol you get the picture, its wholly innapropriate, could have been worse it could have read willy lol. Blush

KingofHighVis · 19/02/2011 11:13

Why not make a dental appointment for dc at the same time as yours; then they can't complain.

I can see their point regarding counselling though; maybe lack of alternative childcare is part of the problem.

BoffinMum · 19/02/2011 11:15

I have actually done this, so don't really see what the problem is.

KingofHighVis · 19/02/2011 11:15

@upahill
I have two brothers and can distinctly remember my mother taking all three of us to the dentists together; fillings; teeth out and all the rest.

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