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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think I shouldn't have to find childcare for my son when I attend medical appointments

150 replies

muttimalzwei · 18/02/2011 18:16

I went to a counselling session this week and took my son along. I'd been convinced he would sleep through it (he's 22 months) and of course he wasn't going to oblige. So I pushed him into the counsellors room and she told me I would need to find childcare for him and make a new appointment as it wasn't appropriate. I understood where she was coming from as I will be much more relaxed and able to concentrate without him there. Then yesterday attended a dentists appointment with my daughter, son was with me too. Was told not to bring him along for the next appointment (my daughter will have a tooth out)as it is too distracting. I am just feeling a bit got at. I do not have childcare on tap (no family nearby) and cannot just drop my son off with friends willy nilly. Am I being unreasonable to feel that they are being a bit unreasonable??!!

OP posts:
BabyDubsEverywhere · 18/02/2011 18:29

I feel your pain, I'm supposed to go for counselling weekly as quite sever bipolar, but i cant ever go. My DH has to work, i have no one else who would have them for free and i have no money to pay for a creche, so i cant go, and i cant get any better either!

Nobodys fault though, just one of those things, i'll no doubt still have these issues (and probably more) when they are at school full time so i supose i will start then.

Smile
llareggub · 18/02/2011 18:29

Our dentist positively encourages pre-schoolers to attend appointments with their parents in order to ensure that they aren't scared of going themselves.

I can see the point about the counselling session though.

activate · 18/02/2011 18:29

no you simply can't benefit from counselling with distractions

it wouldn't work

it's not optional

PukeyMummy · 18/02/2011 18:30

My dentist encouraged me to bring DD with me from birth. He is a Dad and reckons it's a good way to make going to the dentist seem normal and conquer fear.

belgo · 18/02/2011 18:30

lllaregub - that's standard practise for a dental check up, but not for a tooth extraction, which could be stressful for the older child, and she will need her mother's full attention.

activate · 18/02/2011 18:31

and a tooth extraction is not a check-up

the other child will need her attention

not the toddler

gillybean2 · 18/02/2011 18:31

One of the reasons I rarely get to go to appointments dentist/doctor/optician is having to take ds with me. Not to mention juggling them round work. Doesn't really get very much easier now he's older but I can at least plonk him in the waiting room with his nintendo ds now (that's if I can even get an apointment which suits round work hours0.

To those saying can't dad or a friend have them while you go... No everyone has the luxury of a partmer (ex or otherwise) to help out or friends to call on.

I'm still trying to find a solution on getting ds home from school if I can't get to him. Had a couple of instances this last term with a tyre blow out and the exhaust breaking and scrapping along the ground. He panicked when I wasn't there and kept coming to look see if I was there when I told him to wait in the library.
Would be much easier if I could get him into the school we both want him to be at as they have a bus that comes directly to our village.

belgo · 18/02/2011 18:31

From the OP, the toddler was allowed into the dentists for the first appointment for the dd.

But not for a tooth extraction.

pointydog · 18/02/2011 18:31

Yabu. You do need to find childcare for these two examples.

AGree that more flexibility with times should be offered. My GP surgery offers Saturday morning appointments now.

lockets · 18/02/2011 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

strandedpolarbear · 18/02/2011 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 18/02/2011 18:33

Alouise Grin How can you possibly do that?

you can't predict if you are going to - split up, have to move, have a parent die, fall out with all friends...

By that logic, we should all be saying "We,, my parents are ok right now and I'm in a loving relationship and my job seems secure and my mates are great but I can't have children in case my parents die while they're young, or don't want to help, or I split up from their dad, or I have to move away from any suppose, or my friends won't help me..."

Grin come off it!

merryberry · 18/02/2011 18:35

I really struggle with this. I have a complicated medical situation and have very frequent hospital visits, at least 12 a year. I have to say I avoid the gp like the plague in order to cut down on how much childcare i need to find, and so yes I do go without. The medical service is there, but no, I can't access it as and when I see fit, I just can't.

I really can't do some appointments with either of them because the wait is usually too long and it's not fair on other folk in the waiting area, who are usually in as much pain as me. I'm frequently sent straight off after for ultrasound and blood, sometimes chest xrays which I really can';t take kids to of course. We're talking half days and more sometimes.

I also can't get what i need out of the appointments if they are there, and i've had ds2 howl with fear and rage at sight of some stranger laying hands on me each time i've absolutely been forced to take him. I would not want ds1 to hear what is being said as he would get wrong end of stick i'm sure.

I manage by mostly only arranging appointments at times I know I can cover most easily. The different clinics' staff are really helpful now they know me and will find me a spot in the middle of ds2s 2 nursery sessions a week. But I often have to cab it to make it.

I arrange with my mum to stay for a few of the big appointments in the year. My husband used to be able to shift work a little bit to help with one or two, but too busy now. It isn't willy nilly. It's an appointment - you know it's coming!

However, now ds1 is in fulltime school i'm finally able to properly trade childcare favours with other mum and kids i know well.

I don't think the professionals seeing us should have to put up with delivering inferior service to us if that's what they feel kids being present promote. But they have to cut slack in case of emergency. Now you know that they don't like it as a routine thing, you can always look around for someone who will tolerate it.

legobuilder · 18/02/2011 18:37

I have taken both my kids - pre schoolers -to all my appointments - and there have been many. Everyone has been very helpful and never objected - i always bring munchies/toys so that the children amuse themselves; and I don't think you - nor I - are being unreasonble.

pointydog · 18/02/2011 18:46

merry, that sound s like a very difficult situation for you. Usually it's fine to call on a neighbour or friend to cover an appointment here and there but finding sitters every few weeks must be hard.

mmsmum · 18/02/2011 18:58

No one has ever asked me not to bring dd to an appointment (well ok once, it was a lawyers appointment and she pulled someones file out, but then it shouldn't have been left on the floor should it?). I can understand the counselling one but find a new dentist!

However, if your counselling is about how hard you find it as a Mum with no childcare what are you supposed to do then?!

lockets · 18/02/2011 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 18/02/2011 19:01

I think taking a toddler to a dentist is fine for a check up: possibly not to an extraction.

I'm a counsellor and simply wouldn't counsel someone with a toddler there: the therapeutic relationship simply wouldn't work. I do see people on evenings and weekends.

MinuteLaidMemoo · 18/02/2011 19:04

My dentist actually encouraged me to bring the baby along to get her use to going to the dentist. Understnad the councelling one though

activate · 18/02/2011 19:06

EXTRACTION

SCREAMS

IT WAS A TOOTH EXTRACTION NOT A CHECK-UP OR A SIMPLE FILLING

THERE WILL BE BLOOD AND ANXIETY AND PAIN

NOT A GOOD ENVIRONMENT TO BE TORN BETWEEN CHILDREN

clam · 18/02/2011 19:10

I went for an internal examination by the midwife when pregnant with DD and ended up with DS (clingy phase) sitting on my chest while it went on!

Saved disussing where I was going on holiday, I guess.

ragged · 18/02/2011 19:13

I have to take 3-4 DC with me to most appt. things. Doctor, Lawyer, IFA, dentist, Verucca Treatment...

Sometimes I book appts. during school hours, even if it means a child missing school, so that I don't have to drag so many unnecessary DC along. I've had many a checkup or treatment with a toddler on my lap.

Anything big (like root canal or when DS has a tooth out soon) DH has to take time off work to mind the kids.

camdancer · 18/02/2011 19:19

My local hospital used to have a children's creche where you could leave children during appointments. It was fabulous, free and perfect. You only had to leave them for as long as your appointment took and you could get to them quickly if there was a problem. But apparently it wasn't cost effective so the hospital closed it. I do wonder how many appointments are missed because of lack of childcare.

Sometimes it just isn't appropriate to have children in with you. I agree with both professionals. I could really benefit from therapy at the moment but as I don't have childcare I can't do it. It sucks but I can't see a way round it at the moment. It's things like that where the hospital creche would be perfect.

merryberry · 18/02/2011 19:58

pointydog, people really help if you pay them back how best you can. and lots really do like to help, to feel they've contributed something. who am i to deny them Grin, though i think we'd all rather it was a forever-issue.

but seriously, it is tough. i certainly don't do any of the preventive or minor stuff anymore, but now my consultants and the clinical nurse specialist have cottoned on to that and really help out with cross referrals to the other specialists/test i need. so they cut out the middleman GP for my thyroid tests and immune gut problems regularly.

merryberry · 18/02/2011 20:01

wasn't a forever issue.

yes, where have all the creches gone? i never see them anymore round here (north london) are they unworkable financially in all settings then?