to think I shouldn't have to find childcare for my son when I attend medical appointments

[muttimalzwei]

I went to a counselling session this week and took my son along. I'd been convinced he would sleep through it (he's 22 months) and of course he wasn't going to oblige. So I pushed him into the counsellors room and she told me I would need to find childcare for him and make a new appointment as it wasn't appropriate. I understood where she was coming from as I will be much more relaxed and able to concentrate without him there. Then yesterday attended a dentists appointment with my daughter, son was with me too. Was told not to bring him along for the next appointment (my daughter will have a tooth out)as it is too distracting. I am just feeling a bit got at. I do not have childcare on tap (no family nearby) and cannot just drop my son off with friends willy nilly. Am I being unreasonable to feel that they are being a bit unreasonable??!!

the counsellor I can understand but I do sympathise I had to take DS aged 2 at the time with me for a smear once as I had no childcare he found the whole thing utterly fascinating

Well YABU really. Its difficult when you dont have family, but have you no friends you could take with you who could keep an eye on the baby for you, or who could mind him while you go to your counselling.

Not if having your child there prevents them from doing their job properly, no. I'm not a dentist but I wouldn't fancy taking a tooth out with a toddler possibly causing a distraction.

TBH I get the counselling request.

The dentist though should be able to cope with your little one there. I go to the dentist with my boisterous 2 year old who is petrified of the dentist and she has never asked me to leave him outside even.

Sorry whilst it may seem that way I don't see how you do a counselling session justice with your DS there. As for the dentist do you really want him to see it anyway?

I think you'll need to find care for both.

I think it is unreasonable. I wonder how many women go without the healthcare they need, or leave their young infants at home because there's no-one else who will have them? I understand that it may be inappropriate for them to be in the appointment, but where else will they go? Not everyone has family and friends and they're probably the ones who need more help.

can see both sides, but it is unreasonable to expect a proceudre or effective counselling to be carried out with a toddler pootling about interrupting things, possibly causing distractions

if you have enough notice of your counselling appts and the dentist, surely a friend can hvae your boy for a few hours and you return the favour?

I've had lots of counselling in the past, definitely would not have got as much out of it, having to half concentrate on a toddler too

can the children's dad not have them at all?

It depends on how big the dentist's room is. Ours is tiny and you certainly wouldn't be able to bring a buggy in either.

It's because they've got a job to do and it can't really be done while you're trying to sort out a child.

It's a bugger, I agree.

A quiet child is not terribly distracting. Was he yelling?

If you've no childcare, you've no childcare. You'll just have to say that you have no access to childcare at any time and have no choice but to bring him so tough luck and try to sort him out with toys etc to keep him occupied in his pushchair.

Thanks - I'm just interested to know what you feel about it. Most of my friends have their hands full with their own kids or they work full time and can't take time off.

Difficult one. I do under why you can't bring him into the counselling session.

Usually for a check up at the dentists they would encourage you to bring in younger children, but if it's for a more complicated treatment such as a tooth extraction, then I understand why having a toddler in the room would be a distraction. Your daughter will need your undivided attention for the treatment.

At the risk of being flamed beyond belief, these are things that ypu have to consider before you have children.

What are you asking for, every therapist in the land to provide a babysitter?

No,, you weren't. They may or may not have good reason for suggesting that you don't bring your son next time but unless they are going to provide or pay for suitable childcare they are being very unreasonable. Like you I didn't have childcare on tap when my children were small and sometimes had to take one or both children with me. I know there are logical arguments in the dentist's and counsellor's favour but still it gets my goat... what are mums like you supposed to do? Put the babe in a cupboard and leave him at home alone? Wait til he's at school for DD's important dental work or your no doubt just as important counselling?

I bet my views the minority opinion though again. :o

Alouseg, if we all considered all eventualities before having children, the human race would die out.

I think you do need to be responsible for finding childcare especially for the counselling.
I do think the dentist sounds a bit U though. I make appointments for all 5 of mine at the same time. They all troop into the room stand in a corner and wait their turn.

I think counsellor is NBU but dentist could/should cope with it. I just had a filling done with a baby, 2 and 4 year old there. 4 year old had a good nosy in my mouth. Dentist was great, asking 4 year old to count to 100 and getting 2 year old to sing to me to distract me.

My old dentist said no kids in the room but that the receptionist would mind them. Find another dentist who is more understanding.

I can understand the counselling, but the dentist needs to get a grip.

IF he cant do his job witha toddler in the back ground, how does he do it when a small child is trying to bite his finger off and screaming blue murder?! (My dd did this on her second visit, she drew blood :o )

professionals are being reasonable - neither counselling nor a tooth extraction on a child can be carried out without your full attention / support

I think the way forward is to make medical appointments far more accessible at a range of times.

TBH, if its not childcare that's the issue, its being able to make appointments due to work. If you are in a job where you aren't able to take paid leave for routine medical appointments, then its really hard to fit in dentist, doctor etc

Thankfully I have never needed counselling, as I would imagine that's difficult to access outside 9 to 6.

I can understand professionals not wanted young children there if it prevents them doing their job as effectively - but I think the answer is to provide more 'out of hours' services so that you are less likely to need a babysitter

It's a bit different though - a tooth extraction to a check up I mean psiloveyou.

I don't have childcare on tap and completely get where you're coming from. However, in the case of your daughter's tooth removal, it might be quite distressing for her and you might want to concentrate on her. A toddler who wants to a) play with the dentist's tools, b)wants to make the chair go up and down c) doesn't understand why sister won't play or any of the above would be a distraction too far.

Do ask your friends. If they can't do this for you, they're not really friends - and you can always reciprocate. Even if you do a massive sleepover once a year in exchange for lots of little bits.

But generally, I totally get your point!

"Not everyone has family and friends and they're probably the ones who need more help."
Excellent point.
I do understand it's hard for a counsellor to do their job with a child there, but aren't they meant to be helping to make your life more bearable - not adding an extra burden on to someone who does't have a lot of choice?