out of control DS. AIBU?

[excited1]

I have a 13yr old DS and also 2 younger DD.
its my DS im having problems with.
Firstly its his drinking and smoking. I know he does it and can't really stop him. I've taken the cigs off him etc, grounded him, stopped pocket money. But after starting at 10yr old, he's addicted now. He has started smoking in his room which I have asked him not to but he ignores any rules I make.
Secondly is bedtime - he will not turn the xbox/PC off at a reasonable time and hates that i give the deadline as 11pm weekdays and midnight on a weekend. Apparently all his mates do all nighters. He is in trouble at school lately as he just can't be bothered to settle down to work and just acts the class clown.

Now the biggy - I was tidying his room today and under his bed was homemade ouija board. I told him how i felt about things like this happening in my house. he told me not to be so stupid and 'chill out' I don't mind him doing ouija as long as it is done at a mates.

I am fed up and have nowhere to turn. I get no help from his dad or my family.
I can't discipline him as he is bigger and taller than me.
AIBU for wanting him to stop all this? According to him I am. All his mates do it so why can't he?

:(

Seriously stressed have you forgotten your post of Tuesday which was titled'at my wits end with violent 2 year old' or something similar?

Pack it in for christs sake you're making a show of yourself.

So true Altinkum- how many people ask for that and get denied help?

There's always the streets I guess. Poor kids who end up like that.

He's 2. TWO
If he was behaving that way at say, 10, he would be out the door.

I've said time and time and time again but nobody seems to register.

If that child is behaving in an severe way like pushing his mum down the stairs or getting in trouble with the police and won't change when asked if it was me, i would kick him out and wouldn't think twice.

out the door at 10? To where exactly? And what will your defence be when you are arrested for abndonment and neglect?

BUSTED.

My other thread is irrelevant. The boy is 2 years old, he isn't old enough to understand.

OPs boy is old enough to understand.

Saying one is fake, i'm a bad parent and things is shite. I never once said OP was a bad parent. How dare you be so offensive to me when you don't know me.

Its an AIBU thread. You know where people voice an opinion? No where on here does it say personal insults are acceptable.

stressed where would you kick him too can i ask? SS no longer just take kids into care like the old days,residential and foster placements are rare now as s simply dont have the funding or placements for that matter.If he is found wandering the streets he will be picked up by police and taken home,if the parent refuses to take them in then ss will be called and a parent would be told they have to take them back or could in extreme cases face neglect charges.I aggree totally with your sentiment but having had ds1 who is now grown and in the army(thank god)i can honestly say its not that easy at all.I also work in ss mainly supporting families in this type of crisis and they very rarely are offered placements as we need to keep them for emegency and child protection cases.

Oh and i'm not busted. There's a world of difference between a 2 year old that doesnt speak properly and a 13 year old.

Put things into perspective.

altinkum we speak the same language i believe.

Umm no.

The day my son turns round and pushes me down the stairs is the day he finds somewhere else to live.

Not laziness.

not answering the question I see stressed? Surprise. Come back when you have learnt something about parenting long term.

Haha I'm not the one saying I'd chuck my ten year old out on the streets for misbehaviour.

Don't talk to me about perspective.

I wonder how you'd have felt if someone had come onto your thread and said 'oh he's WILFUL isn't he. In my house when I say no he knows I mean it! I wouldn't put up with it, lock him in his room until he knows that you're the boss. BTW, I am 3 months pregnant and nowhere near you in terms of child rearing experience! Woohoo'

Oh I'm sorry where's the question mark?

Aaah, there isn't one.

I wouldn't bat an eyelid. He IS wilful.
But at 2 he doesn't understand like a 13 year old would.

You lot don't seem to grasp that.

Ok. You carry on.

Enjoy these next years cos it sounds like when things get tough, the kids'll have to get going.

Good luck.

I really do wonder how many people on here have any experience of dealing with a teenager as a LP. Can't believe people saying kick him out, or the implication that the OP has let this happen either by not parenting strictly enough or in essence by allowing herself to be a single parent. Unfuckingbelieveable.

Because of course all this child needs is a man in his life. And every responsible parent has a male role model for their sons. The ones who are LPs and whose children have no contact with their fathers due to bereavement, or abuse, or just because the fathers can't be arsed, are obviously doing something wrong. Just like those without any close male friends/family

OP, I think the (sensible) advice you have had re GP/CAMHS is spot on, and would encourage you to follow that up. I don't think anyone on this thread is qualified to say why your DS is behaving as he is, but clearly things need to change, and with the right help and advice from professionals I would hope over time they will.

oh no me too only 2 for me was glad to leave tbh,too many parents trying to pass on their responsibilities.

stressed please come back on here when ds is a teenager.How can you possibly have a considered opinion when you have never been in that situation? It like a man giving advice re child birth.You can of course say what you think you would do but be warned it aint that easy,my ds stole from us and his younger sibs,got into drugs,skipped school and adhered to no boudaries.I am a very strict parent and was at the time married to his dad.We tried every service and took advice from everywhere to help him,i was toild to "kick him out" by friends etc.but he was my son,the same as your 2 yr old is now,your feelings dont change when they get pubic hairn and a deep voice,im not going to see him cold,hungry and homeless.I continued to discipline him including taking everything out of his room.He is now in the army and is doing well and will often thank us for all we did for him.Lets hope you never have to go thru it yourself.

Can't really give proper advise but would agree with others in contacting GP.

One tip i would give is regarding the xbox. You could still let him play e.g if he is good and you can limit when and for how long he can play it. Read through this to learn how to restrict his xbox use. (I had to do this with DH games were causing a real issue between us and hes a grown man ffs, it was a good compromise for him to keep me and his job)