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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that being "likeable" is the greatest asset a person can have?

133 replies

StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 15/02/2011 21:21

I think that having the ability to make people like you, will do you far more good in life than intelligence or good looks.

Unreasonable?

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 15/02/2011 21:22

I don't agree sorry, I think that's just a line women are fed.

notnowbernard · 15/02/2011 21:22

The 'likeable' people I know seem to be the happiest , I must admit

Original poster
StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 15/02/2011 21:23

Just women? I didn't see this as a gender thread.

My perception is that people will get promoted, hired, credited etc far more if they're naturally likeable.

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MumInBeds · 15/02/2011 21:25

If you mean natural charisma and a kind heart then yes, I totally agree. To some people though being likable means being a doormat and that does no good at all.

cyb · 15/02/2011 21:26

Not necessarily 'like you'

That smacks of people pleasing to me

I think being true to yourself is the greatest asset one can have

Likeability might be an end product of that

notnowbernard · 15/02/2011 21:26

There is a massive difference between being a likeable person and being a people-pleaser (ie doormat)

Original poster
StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 15/02/2011 21:26

Kind heart optional.

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notnowbernard · 15/02/2011 21:27

X posts with Cyb

Actively attempting to get others to like you = people pleasing

Being likeable - I strongly suspect these people are 'at one' (most of the times) with themselves

Ooopsadaisy · 15/02/2011 21:28

"Likeable" is how con artists work.

As well as phycopaths (can't spell!) and domestic abusers.

I'm extremely suspicious of "likeable" people.

I always wonder what the flaw is. Once I know the flaw then I feel I know the person.

cyb · 15/02/2011 21:28

What about inspiring people , influencing people or commanding respect from people?

All thosec an be achieved with/without being likeable and are valuable personality traits

BelleDameSansMerci · 15/02/2011 21:29

Sorry, don't agree... Even if being likeable gets you in the door, it won't keep you there (professionally). You need something to back it up. I'd say it was a useful asset but not one I value more highly than intelligence; charisma; diligence; professionalism; etc.

I am (when not on MN) quite likeable, btw.

ohnoshedittant · 15/02/2011 21:31

YANBU I think likeability is really important...although likeability is linked to good looks, so you can't dismiss that completely

notnowbernard · 15/02/2011 21:31

Likeable = psychopath? Or abuser? Really?

cyb · 15/02/2011 21:32

I am also a likeable person

But have zero ambition or drive and am a lazy fucker

So where does likeability get me?

ohnoshedittant · 15/02/2011 21:34

Dunno cyb what have you got?

notnowbernard · 15/02/2011 21:34

You might be a lazy fucker, but I bet you're a happy one Cyb

Original poster
StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 15/02/2011 21:35

I'm the wierd kid at the back of the class nobody would be seen dead with.

Stupidly well educated and very practical, yet stuck in a dead end job.

The only conclusion I can come to...

OP posts:
cyb · 15/02/2011 21:35

actually I'm practising being a little LESS likeable (at work, anyway). It feels gooood

Ooopsadaisy · 15/02/2011 21:35

notnowbernard - thanks for the spelling. Grin

Yes. It's how they get away with it. They are "nice" and make themselves "likeable" so no-one knows what they do.

If anyone speaks out they are not believed because witnesses say "but she's so likeable and nice - it can't be true."

notnowbernard · 15/02/2011 21:38

I've met a few psychopaths and "likeable" isn't a trait I'd have credited them with

Agree that they are known to be able to 'turn on the charm'... but likeable? No

Ooopsadaisy · 15/02/2011 21:39

But they turn on the charm to appear likeable.

At least that's how I interpret it.

onceamai · 15/02/2011 21:40

There's a fine fine line between being likeable and being two faced IMO. I could probably do with being more two faced but I think I've gone a long way because I'm supposed to have "presence".

notnowbernard · 15/02/2011 21:43

A psychopath will struggle massively to come across as genuinely likeable because by definition they lack empathy and any sense of compassion

Anything 'nice' they do project is superficial. They do not experience shame, or guilt or any such emotion... they are egocentric and have no regard for other people

Horton · 15/02/2011 21:44

My DH is incredibly likeable. He's not two-faced or trying it on or not working hard because he can get away with it. It's just that he likes nearly everyone he meets and consequently they like him. He doesn't like them because he's a people pleaser. He likes them because he's a happy individual who genuinely sees the good in other people. And yes, he's successful in terms of what he wants to do and people cut him a bit of slack occasionally because they like him and it does him no harm at all.

YANBU.

Me? I'm an anti-social old witch who hates nearly everyone I meet.

Original poster
StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 15/02/2011 21:48

I didn't want to imply that all likeable people are psychopaths. My DP is one of the most sociable and popular people I know - he also has a heart of gold.

However, I haven't noticed any correlation in being a good person and being likeable.

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