to think that being "likeable" is the greatest asset a person can have?

[StuckinTheMiddlewithYou]

I think that having the ability to make people like you, will do you far more good in life than intelligence or good looks.

Unreasonable?

Most of the big hitter lawyers I come across these days are pleasant, in person at least, if not exactly likeable. I think the rude and ruthless style is seen as a bit old school - people don't really want to deal with difficult people and they're not that effective longer term.

Maybe it's the feminisation of the workplace.

coming to this a bit late but DH and I weeere talking about this last night.

They have had some redundancies recently within the organisation where he works, they have all been offered the standard redundancy package (generous) but have all been told clearly that if they want to negotiate the company are open to hearing appeals (on package not job) it is very clear that the more likeable and generally pleasant folks are walking away with more than the grumpy cross people who are shouting the odds at HR for making them redundant.

I work in a professional environment where being likeable would on the face of it not seem like the greatest asset to have. However I am likeable (and work on being such) and this gets me much further than colleagues who are not, or simply dont try.

I dont think its anything to do with a male/female debate to be honest

I would say it is a good characteristic to have, but definitely wouldn't get you further in life than intelligence.

Agree with LeQueen and Gabby - if someone's adaptable and charming, it's a pretty killer combination.

IME, some of the people who are very likable, are a tad insecure with it - they can't say no. They're the kind of people who hate it if someone doesn't like them, so they value it above all else. I worked with two individuals like that - one was everyone's mate, and spent so much time being everyone's mate he didn't have much time to do work. And the other one, despite being a prize a PRICK to me (because he didn't want to upset our manager) even managed to convince himself after it all that I still liked him, whereas I was just tolerating him.
Both of them were quite bad at their jobs.

But yes, most of the people I work with are very nice (the more senior, the more amenable) and I think it's just because thinks go more smoothly if everyone's nice to each other.

On the losing friends along the way tangent ..

Google "No woman, no cry" Bob Marley and find a Youtube link.

It will brighten your day. Not good with links otherwise I'd add one for you all

But anyway, I am biased as I am a pretty grumpy person (with a good sense of humour) and apparently grumpy people are better workers and more detail oriented. Next to DP I'm a frikking ray of sunshine - he's the grumpiest person I've ever met, but VERY succesful at getting people on side (got an amazing job through contacts).

LeQueen - i don't think anyone can stay secretly hard nosed and cynical.. they pretty soon give themselves away.

I've been ectoplasmed with charm at initial meetings with people who all too quickly reveal their true personality under stress.

I have a pretty good 'bitch in sheep's clothing' radar now.

Blimey - I come across plenty of highly intelligent but rude or socially inept lawyers, who are just not very successful. I've begun to think intelligence is not actually that important past a certain professional level.

Patsy _ Don't you think that a truly intelligent person would be socially and emotionally intelligent too though ?

And therefore wise with a good sense of humour, and therefore also likeable ?

I prefer to be personable, rather than simply likeable

Nah Jugglingjo - there are many socially inept boffins out there

Jugglingjo - I guess I meant intelligence in the narrow academic sense, I meet some intimidatingly bright lawyers with poor social skills and yes they lack the social/emotional ability to be highly successful.

Just think it's an interesting idea that there could be different types of intelligence.

And weird that otherwise very intelligent people don't seem to be able to apply their talent to life and social situations !

I prefer honesty to likeability. At least you know where you stand.

I have 2 bosses, one very likable, one less so, but probably more hardworking and honest. Life is definately easier if you are likable, one could argue that you can get away with being less hardworking and more decitful if you are very personable....or very good looking :)

I like almost everyone, and most of them like me. So I guess I'm likable. I'm not dishonest, though. I just truly think most people are good. :) It doesn't really seem to have gotten me anywhere, but then again I don't particularly want to go anywhere, so it could just be my utter lack of ambition. And yes, overall I'm one of the happiest people I know, so there might be something to that. :)

Personality takes you far, it's true.

It is not necessarily the best asset for everyone.

cheerfulyank! I think you might be my twin

I tend to assume the best about people and so far I've not been proved wrong.

Actually no, I think being a good person is the greatest asset you can have. It doesn't matter whether you are liked or not, so long as you live your life with some decency and concern for others. Just a personal opinion though, I wouldn't say you were unreasonable for your own.

A question to jajas Orm and cheerfulyank

Are you not ambitious,as in you don't wnat anything more than you have?

Or are you not sure what you might want?

Or do you know what you want bit are unsure how to get it?

I am always fascinated what makes you tick.

I'm just amazed that in a few first posts, a thread title on likeability has descended into psycopathology.

Today's crap weather getting to us all? :(

"Are you not ambitious,as in you don't wnat anything more than you have?"

Yes. Although I wouldn't say I wasn't ambitious. I always have projects on the go and goals I want to reach but that doesn't stop me feeling contented. And to be fair my contendedness has only really become settled since our material and financial situation has become secure. But even before when we struggled a little I was one of the most cheerful people I knew. I was not always like that - as a teenager and in my early 20s I was very insecure and anxiety made me a little unfriendly and defensive. I had to learn to be like I am now - once you start looking for the bright side all the time, it becomes impossible to miss it. I am prone still to depression and anxiety at times but when I'm healthy I am happy.