to think that being "likeable" is the greatest asset a person can have?

[StuckinTheMiddlewithYou]

I think that having the ability to make people like you, will do you far more good in life than intelligence or good looks.

Unreasonable?

Nahhhh, give me good looks any day!

Be genuinely kind and compassionate to some people, and act tough and distant from others. That's the key. And the ability to know which to do with whom.

Natural charisma will help you go far, in business or in mass-murdering-and-getting-away-with-it.

When you complain that you are well educated yet stuck in a dead end job, because you are not likeable enough, all it tells me is that your education didn't include not generalising from a sample size of one.

Big tits are invaluable.

If your talking in terms of popularity and a successful career then i have to disagree. I think ruthlessless is much more important. I'd like to agree with you but experience has taught me otherwise.

A very popular, very ruthless, very successful cousin of mine and very similar MIL are the obvious examples which spring to mind. I couldn't call either of them likeable, at least from my perspective.

YANBU. . . It is , i think one of the greatest assets.
If you're highly intelligent and dont care about friends and being liked then fine. But to me it really important.

No I don't agree. Who wants to be a people pleaser?

Only if you want to impress the frontal labotomy members of society, who are not worth impressing anyway.

oh, and i think people are confusing 'psychopath' with 'sociopath' here.

A sociopath can imitate empathy and other genuine emotions in order to get what they want.

Sorry, that comment was for Hullygully

Its not about pleasing Bonsoir, it about being liked. . . .different. (?) Who wants to be disliked by everyone.? What a miserable life IMHO.

Psammead can you explain? Why would you have two separate personalities?

I don't think that is what the OP says... read it again!

You need not strive to be likeable in order to be popular!

Depends what you mean by likeable. My sister thinks you will be more successful if you have the 'gift of the gab' than if you have qualifications. I hate that attitude.

My sister thinks you will be more successful if you have the 'gift of the gab' than if you have qualifications

I agree with this to be honest. My best friend had hardly any GCSE's at A*-C grade, blagged his way into A Levels at college, and now has a 1:1. He's just got his first job and somehow he managed to negotiate his starting salary from 15k a year right up tp 18k a year. For a graduate level job. I wish I had his gift of the gab!

Olive two separate personalities? No, not at all. Everyone has many many different aspects of their personality. You can be a hard arse at work, and then a softie with your children, for example. Just two different aspects of one personality. I think the key to being successful is knowing how to be appropriate and flexible.

Meant to add

And to be able to judge quite quickly what is appropriate in any situation.

god how depressing to think that being likeable is more important than intelligence

this sort of shit drags women back into the dark ages. don't bother educating yourself dearie - just be likeable and your husband will look after you

seriously depressing

Just be likeable? Heavens, no! Make yourself pretty, too.

I think being likeable is generally positive, coupled with intelligence if you happen to posses it, or canniness if you don't.

My DH is incredibly likeable. It's part of what attracted me to him. He has an aura of decency (and is hot in the sack too). But he thinks that it gets him taken advantage of at work. More aggressive/competitive people mistake him for a pushover

And I agree with notnowbernard. Genuine likeability, as opposed to people -pleasing is a sign of good self-esteem IMO, and as such I don't think it threatens feminism. It's not a substitute for intelligence (DH is that too).

It is good to have and very useful but to single out one characteristic above all others to be the most important rather simplifies human nature and what makes a personality.

It depends what likability is mixed with. It is also rather a vague term which can be broken down into smaller parts e.g. being fun, having empathy, getting on with people, being kind.

I think likeable can equal being pleasing to the "lowest common demoninator", or least likely to offend the most number of people, which can hinder as well as help.

I spent years flatsharing and the more people you had in the house, the greater the chance the 'likeable' person you pick from the selection process is going to end up being highly flawed/annoying/unsuitable flatmate, because of the LCD theory - you actually aren't looking for the best person, but the least offensive/most 'on the surface' likeable person.

Personally I quite like people who aren't afraid to be a little offensive/shady/themselves. People who try very hard to be widely liked are a pain in the ass IMO & therefore not very likeable. Other people have genuinely charismatic personalities and attract people to them.

In my industry (music), some of the most annoying/awful/arrogant/self centred/seemingly unintelligent tossers you'd ever be unfortunate to meet do very well. Then some quite nice people do well too.

So I agree with hully - it can be an asset, but isn't necessary for success.

I think being blessed with charisma will do you better than being 'likeable'.