how much sexual harrassment from other/older boys should a 10 year old girl get?

[whatkatydidathome]

dd (a young 10 year old) is being asked for hand jobs etc on the bus by boys (12 - 13 year old plus one in her class). I don't think that they are serious but teasing however she is not at all comfortable with it (does not know the facts of life in that kind of detail). Is it reasonable to complain to the school?

I agree you should make a stance about this. DD was sexually harassed in year 10 but she was terrified it would get worse if I intervened and begged me repeatedly not to, so I didn't. (This was one of the most popular school in our city with excellent Ofsted reports etc). I now regret that decision. The harassment stopped by itself - probably the little shits who were doing it grew up a bit.

You should be mindful of the fact though, that school buses are often dreadful and the kids are left to their own devices as they have no adult supervision apart from a driver who can't see what is happening. You must be assured of some sort of action to stop this happening on the bus again.

oh dear god - no female should expect ANY level of sexual harrassment - and especially not a ten year old being picked on by a couple of mouthy little shits who need a right good boot in the bollox for their behavour.

Your poor DD. I only hope the school and the council take the appropriate action against them.
God if i even thought for a minute any of my two boys were using language like that to anyone i would strangle them....

This is rape culture, right here. The very idea that there's a spectrum of acceptable sexual harrassment, and the amount is greater for an older girl, speaks volumes.

We, as a society, train boys to escalate sexually violent behaviour, and we train girls to absorb it. A bra pinging at 11 turns into a grope at 13 turns into a rape at 16, because by then both parties have learned that female bodies are public fucking property and nobody is going to stop that from happening.

How do you know they're not future sex offenders, Diamond? Because some teenage boys are, by definition, and the fact that society supports them in their 'teasing', 'boys will be boys' ways does nothing to turn that around.

Depressingly I have to agree with Tortoise. In the 80s in my school class, we had a session on "personal development" and 4 out of 30 girls admitted had been sexually assaulted/abused so a little over 10% (at a girls school) & there may have been more as I had but didn't say. I was hoping these figures would drop with Childline & decreasing the taboo surrounding abuse but then the internet, moibile phones,lads mags, etc has made things worse.

So yes, complain away loud & long.

That is absolutely horrible, your poor DD. A 10 year old child should not be exposed to such awful behaviour, she certainly shouldn't be expected to think it's ok.

That is disgusting
Please let us know that they have been dealt with
Those boys really need to learn quickly that this behaviour is not on and should be dealt with by the school
And also by their parents

If I ever found out my son did anything like this there would be merry hell to pay. Boys need to be taught that this behaviour is absolutely not on

it's a form of grooming too - there are young girls who will go along with what they ask, in order to feel socially accepted and "liked."

How are things and have you spoken to anyone about it all yet??
Personally I would get your DD to point out to you the boys on the bus who spoke to her and personally go and have a firm word with them. Look seriously stern and mean business. They deserve a dam good telling off, and if they tell their mums you can say why. Little buggers. Your DD doesnt deserve any sexual words spoken to her whether she looks 8 or 18 .

Suggest to her for the time being she sits right up at the front near the driver.
I hope things settle down and she is ok.
Good luck. xx

Fishtank: It is the same around here in rural Somerset. First School is reception to year 4, middle school years 5-9, then upper school til 6th form. It is a great system, house prices in catchment reflect that.

OP: Any news?

dh rang the school again this morning and spoke to the deputy head (head was away). On the positive side she did appear to take it seriously but on the (very) negative side she asked dh if he had rung earlier in the week so some other parent has also clearly rung and it is still going on.
I will let you know what they do.

I'm sorry but this is how kids talk to each other, it's bravado on the bus. I'm afraid there's not much you can do about this. She will just have to have some smart replies ready for the next barrage of abuse.

melikalikimaka you are saying it is OK for the boys to speak to her like this and she just needs to learn to deal with it??

I am truly appalled that you think this is acceptable behaviour and that the adults around who know what is happening should do nothing to sort it out. If this was happening in my workplace, it would be a disciplinary offence; I would be reporting the perpetrators to HR. And I am much better placed to deal with this with some sort of riposte than a 10-yo girl is.

Females (and males, actually) do not and should not ever have to accept sexual harassment as 'just the way [someone else] talks'

meliklliamaka, if you are serious you need to have a look at yourself.
I would be horrified if anyone said that to my DD. She is 9.9 and would probably kick them in the goolies.
It isn't acceptable. Bravado or not.

Why should she have to deal with it? It's unacceptable and wrong and it's called sexual harassment for a reason - because it is.

make a complaint.

then hope the first hand job those boys get is with chilli seeds

These boys need to be stopped immediately before it escalates and your daughter or another girl is touched or pushed and possibly really emotionally or physically harmed by this, resulting in these young boys ending up with cautions or convictions for indecent assault. It happened at my son's school (similar ages) where the girl's parents reported the matter to the police, and a boy is currently looking at his life being ruined for a 'prank' that was actually an indecent assault. The age of criminal responsibility is 10, and I guess this needs to be understood by all concerned.

As JamieLeeCurtis above said, it's good though that the girls are confident enough to speak up to their parents.

Do you know any of the bus riding childrens parent's? Not the boys themselves, but if there are other girls on there, their parents might like to know about this- maybe they could also ring the Dep. H to complain.

Yes, in an ideal world, it shouldn't happen, it is not acceptable.

But not with the best will in the world will your 'having a word' with the perpetrators work.

If anything, it may make her bus journey worse.

I remember when I was around that age being asked by older boys if I could take their 10 inch cocks! Yes, I was disgusted, but no retort would have stopped these imbecilic idiots. So shut up!

Not in an ideal world - in any world.

Boak at the idea of a TEN year old having 'to have some smart replies ready' for this.

melikalikimaka - would you advise all victims of bullying to 'shut up'? Should no one speak up when they feel uncomfortable?
What message does that send to children?

None.

How horrible. I am genuinely shocked at that. Really.

Oh, here we go! I AM NOT SAYING IT IS ACCEPTABLE.

Go ahead, go on the bus, have a word. Go to the driver of the bus. Go to the school where they come from. Send a letter to their parents. Send a letter to the PM, MP anyone you might think that can help.

But the fact is, that's life. She will find others that will be far worse.

It's not my life! Sad if it's yours.