how much sexual harrassment from other/older boys should a 10 year old girl get?

[whatkatydidathome]

dd (a young 10 year old) is being asked for hand jobs etc on the bus by boys (12 - 13 year old plus one in her class). I don't think that they are serious but teasing however she is not at all comfortable with it (does not know the facts of life in that kind of detail). Is it reasonable to complain to the school?

Is the one in her class related to an older boy? Is he the instigator?

Totally agree with what you have done. She should not have to put up with anything at all like this. Poor girl. Make sure she knows that you are standing up for her too.

As adults, we would not expect to tolerate this sort of behaviour; a 10-yo has even more reason to be protected from this disgusting harassment.

BTW, am glad to see so many mothers of boys supporting you here - I was harassed in a similar fashion when I was at school, and the parents of the boys in question more or less said that boys would be boys and I should learn to toughen up.

Same school? Go NUTS.
Seriously. I weould be demanding to know exactly what they plan to do, when and how. And I would expect to be told when it has happened.

This is not only bullying, which they shoudl stamp down on and should be cause for internal exclusion as it is, but sexual harrassment which warranst severe punishment.
Your poor DD though. I agree, veyr brave of her to tell you, I would have been mortified at that age.

I would go FUCKING MENTAL if that happened to my daughter, and I would go FUCKING MENTAL if my son spoke to a girl like that. Those boys need excluding in my opinion.

I am so so sorry that your daughter has been spoken to like that,I am livid on your behalf.

I agree Madam. It may be that they are silly little eejits ATM, but they need to be told that their behaviour is totally unacceptable

This is how I feel - ie it is what they will grow up like as well as my poor dd. I am not that in touch with popular culture - have they got this from the TV? (am wondering now what their parents are like...) We are still at the CBBC stage in our hous.

whatkatydid This kind of harrassment needs nipping in the bud.
Go in and go in ASSERTIVELY
Take no messing - and I mean NO messing.
Contact school, your daughter's school and the school of the offenders, because that is what they are. It is a criminal offence to make such comments and particularly to a minor , a child under 16 and in a public place.
Contact the police, even if the school tell you not to. That is your right as a citizen, particularly as it does not happen on school premises as far as we know.
Keep it quiet with your own daughter, no telling half the class or talking about it in school. A WPC could have a quiet word with her and put her in the picture about her rights without being too graphic about what these lads are on about.

I don't think you can cast aspersions about young teenage boys parents because they are using sexual language. They're at a stage in their lives when sex is super interesting. But they are behaving in an extremely inappropriate way, and definitely need pulling up on it. It's not funny, and it is harrassment.

DD will be catching a middle school bus from September and I would be furious if she had to be subjected to that kind of treatment. I would not tolerate it as an adult and nor should a child. It is not a normal part of growing up.

I feel the school needs to be closely involved in resolving this situation, through monitoring, PSHE, a visit from the local police to talk about the severity of the crime (it is a crime), talking to parents etc.. Reporting the boys will be doing them a favour in the long run as they NEED to know this is unaccepteble.

The age is irrelevent. 12 years old or 35, this is unacceptable and I think any kind of debate over how much harrasment is acceptable and at what age is perpetuating a problem that we will face all through our lives. These boys need to be humiliated NOW and taught that it is unaccpetable to treat women in this way.

I'm at the title of your post OP, as it hints at the notion that girls should expect a level of sexual harrassment by token of being a girl? I know it was not your intention to put that across and I'm positive it is just an awkwardly worded post, but I read it like that at first. It made me feel really, really sad if I'm honest.

There is not any acceptable level of sexual harassment of anyone(boy,girl,man,woman). It should not be tolerated by anyone. If someone 'teased' an adult colleague about giving them a hand job they would rightfully be sacked, 12-13 year old boys subjecting a 10 year old girl to this on the way home from school is utterly, utterly reprehensible. I'm so for you and your daughter.

whatkatydid - we are still at CBBC stage as well, but as Chickens says, all it takes is for one DC to have an older sibling who is a bit mouthy and some friends who want to impress, for this sort of language to get round

My DS1 (10) got a message on MoshiMonsters (bit like Club Penguin), purporting to be from an 11 year old girl (the spelling looked 11-ish) asking how big his dick is, and telling her she was typing with her tits, and other delightful statements

grumbling - I don't think that they should tolerate any - it was the reaction of the lady at the council who made me post here and ask - her reaction (which was bordering on surprise that I was calling it harrassment as it was verbal and non physical) made me tone down my language as I was worried about being flamed for over reacting. The school were better but seemed to see it as something that the form teacher would deal with and not the head. However now that I know that my reaction is not considered over the top (at least by those here) I will take it as far as I need to in ordr to make it stop (rather than simply takin gmy dd off the bus which was my initial reaction).
chickens it is not the language it was the fact that they considered it reasonable to approach a 10 year old, female year 5 pupil like this.

I doubt they considered it reasonable. They are being little sods. They need pulling in to line. When I was just 11 (year 7) another boy in my class came up to me and asked me for a blow job. I knew by the smirk on his face (and the audience) that he knew something that I didn't, so said no. Much hilarity. I think the hilarity came from him asking me something rude that he knew the meaning of, but I didn't! I was such a baby! etc. Of course, it wasn't acceptable, but it wasn't predatory iyswim. Just immature, which he was. So, yes I'd kick up merry hell if it was my DD because I'd want the lesson learned early (for both DD and the boys) that this is a Very Bad Thing. But I personally wouldn't be calling the police or assuming a sexual motive

the ring leader was a year 7 pupil - am not sure how sexually mature they'd be at that age - dd is my oldest.

That is awful, poor little girl. Complain to school, complain to the bus comapny, complain to all who will listen, it's completely unacceptable.

How awful for your DD, I hope you get a good result from any contact you make with the school.

None. . .she is 10 yrs, but sometimes they look 12 if big and dresssed in trendy sassy gear.
You should complain to the school . . .she shouldnt be having this kind of talk ....its disgusting.
Even if she was 18yrs . . .Its disgusting and rude.

here here Pearl Barley !!
Complain WhatKaty.

maltesers dd doesn't look 10 - she is small for her age and definately prepubesant - wears trousers not a skirt etc - in no way could she be mistaken for anything other than a new year 5 pupil (year 5 are the youngest at the school).

NOBODY should should suffer harrassment of any kind, that's appalling and needs stamping on straight away.