Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to refuse to let ex take them abroad for 2 weeks

79 replies

gordyslovesheep · 14/02/2011 20:06

In Sept - to Turkey

my reasons are

  1. I will miss them too much - espcially DD3 who is only 2
  1. He is iffy on maitanance right now due to 'cash flow' issues but can afford the flights? (villa is free)
  1. School turns a blind eye to 10days 'off' per year - this uses up the entire allowance in one go meaning I have to take them away in holiday time - which I can;t afford
  1. He's taking his GF (who he left me for) (yes that IS unreasonable I know but still...)
  1. We agreed in the summer hols we would EACH take 2 weeks leave to reduce childcare costs (£150 a week for holiday club) - this would now not happen

or am I meaning a mean bitch

OP posts:
PinkIceQueen · 14/02/2011 20:08

I'd refuse, but others may feel differently.

I'd miss my 2 too much for them to go away for 2 weeks with my ex too. Hth.

CHOOGIRL · 14/02/2011 20:09

YABU It does sound a bit like it's all about you. What about your DC? Will they enjoy it?

Original poster
gordyslovesheep · 14/02/2011 20:09

that's it - I couldn;t bare it - I am not a total cow - I agreed to a week {needs saint smiley]

OP posts:
Original poster
gordyslovesheep · 14/02/2011 20:10

well Choo I am their mother I think some of it IS about me - do you think a 2 year old should be away from their mum for 2 weeks?

OP posts:
maddy68 · 14/02/2011 20:10

while I understand your reasons - they are his children too.
Tell him that he can take them but in the school holidays to reduce the childcare costs.

I do think you are being a bit unreasonable. As fpr the maintenance bit, obviously he should be paying for it BUT a good relationship with their Dad is so important, dont let pettiness backfire on you

atswimtwolengths · 14/02/2011 20:10

I wouldn't agree to a fortnight for a 2 year old - no way.

EricNorthmansMistress · 14/02/2011 20:10

YANBU for reasons 3 and 5
But...
1 - you will cope. Really.
2 - annoying, I'll grant. But bette he takes them away than goes away with just his gf and still doesn't pay maintenance
3- Yep, not ok or fair
4 - I'm sure she's a hideous bitch Grin but if she's around for the long hall and the DCs know her then this will happen at some point
5 - Not ok. He needs to take them during the holidays in order to save the childcare costs.

breathing · 14/02/2011 20:11

How long did you plan to take them away for when you go on holidays?

Original poster
gordyslovesheep · 14/02/2011 20:11

oh Maddy I agree - I haven't mentioned the maintance in the whole 'I'd rather you didn't' convo - contact with him is important - they see him every day, twice a day!

OP posts:
Nomorerain · 14/02/2011 20:11

I couldn't let that happen if it were me. I think a young child needs to be near his/her Mum.
YANBU

EricNorthmansMistress · 14/02/2011 20:12

My DS has been away from me for 2 weeks several times, with his dad, to see ILs abroad. DS is fine, I'm fine, DH loves it. He's 2.5 and first did it last year when he was 18mo.

Original poster
gordyslovesheep · 14/02/2011 20:12

Breathing I am going away in 2 weeks to Centre Parcs Nots (and hour away) for five days and he is comming to visit for the whole day on the Tuesday Grin

OP posts:
breathing · 14/02/2011 20:13

I couldnt do a week let alone 2 weeks Blush

PaisleyLeaf · 14/02/2011 20:13

I think yabu - but if I were in your position I'd bu too.

Northernlurker · 14/02/2011 20:13

'1. I will miss them too much - espcially DD3 who is only 2'

Ok that is a bit all about you - but 2 is very young to go far away for a long time.

'2. He is iffy on maitanance right now due to 'cash flow' issues but can afford the flights? (villa is free)'

Not unreasonable at all - he need to pay for the shoes and baked beans before the lovely fun stuff.

'School turns a blind eye to 10days 'off' per year - this uses up the entire allowance in one go meaning I have to take them away in holiday time - which I can;t afford'

I don't think it's a great idea to take kids out of school for that long anyway so not too much sympathy on that point BUT if you are doing it then September is the worst possible time.

'4.He's taking his GF (who he left me for) (yes that IS unreasonable I know but still...)'

Yes it is. Very.

'5. We agreed in the summer hols we would EACH take 2 weeks leave to reduce childcare costs (£150 a week for holiday club) - this would now not happen'

Yes a wise arrangement. If he isn't doing his bit then he should pay the £300 for the holiday club. The childcare allows both of you to work - NOT just you!

Overall no I don't think you are being unreasonable to allow only a week. Keep chasing the maintainence!

atthecarwash · 14/02/2011 20:14

I would say no.
The worst thing is the childcare costs over the summer that he had agreed to share

Why should they miss school just because it's cheaper for him! And last but not least, he left you for her...no, I wouldn't let him

Original poster
gordyslovesheep · 14/02/2011 20:14

Eric how was it - maybe I am being a wuss?

he took them to Devon last summer for a week and it was okay but I blubbed every night - I need a spine

OP posts:
Pheebe · 14/02/2011 20:15
  1. I will miss them too much - espcially DD3 who is only 2. *YABU - he's their father
and probably misses them too*
  1. He is iffy on maitanance right now due to 'cash flow' issues but can afford the flights? (villa is free). YABU - nothing to do with it
  1. School turns a blind eye to 10days 'off' per year - this uses up the entire allowance in one go meaning I have to take them away in holiday time - which I can;t afford. YABU - but something to discuss, perhaps this is a way to alternate term time holidays (your turn next year)
  1. He's taking his GF (who he left me for) (yes that IS unreasonable I know but still...). YABU - you know that
  1. We agreed in the summer hols we would EACH take 2 weeks leave to reduce childcare costs (£150 a week for holiday club) - this would now not happen. YANBU - unless he will still keep this agreement up (or pay for his 2 weeks childcare up front) I would refuse

Reason 5 would be the clincher for me.

FabbyChic · 14/02/2011 20:15

I think compromising to a week sounds better, but would be nice if he could take them in the school holidays to save on child care costs, also remind him that you will need some money to buy them holiday clothes.

tralalala · 14/02/2011 20:16

I would struggle with the 2 weeks, one week fine.

Olessaty · 14/02/2011 20:16

My sticking point would be that he is going back on the summer holiday agreement and using up all the school days off. It's a bit off to say he'll do something and then not do it, costing you money for childcare in the process. Plus it's making you unable (for a whole year) to do anything at all in school time, possibly forcing you not to have a holiday with them yourself. This is where he is being unreasonable I think.

I'd be annoyed about the maintenance, and I'd not like the idea of the GF, but I think they were my problems, not anything to say no to a holiday.

The missing them thing is tough too, I miss mine all the time they are away. Two days or two weeks.

FabbyChic · 14/02/2011 20:17

I miss my son who is 17 when he goes out for the evening!

MoonUnitAlpha · 14/02/2011 20:17

I think 1 week in school holidays is a fair compromise.

shimmerysilverglitter · 14/02/2011 20:19

YANBU. Two weeks is too long for such a young child.

My ex suggested this about my ds who was two at the time and I said I didn't think it was a good idea, ex is a selfish, controlling pig anyway so me saying No to something was red rag to a bull and he started to argue so I just looked at him and said "ds is two, do YOU think he would be happy away from me for that long?" and he couldn't argue.

onestepforward · 14/02/2011 20:19

My DD is 2.7 - she is going away for 6 nights with xh this summer. I've no issues re maintenance though. If it was just about you missing them then yes YWBU but no, it's just not fair on you with all the other stuff.