to refuse to let ex take them abroad for 2 weeks

[gordyslovesheep]

In Sept - to Turkey

my reasons are

1. I will miss them too much - espcially DD3 who is only 2

1. He is iffy on maitanance right now due to 'cash flow' issues but can afford the flights? (villa is free)

1. School turns a blind eye to 10days 'off' per year - this uses up the entire allowance in one go meaning I have to take them away in holiday time - which I can;t afford

1. He's taking his GF (who he left me for) (yes that IS unreasonable I know but still...)

1. We agreed in the summer hols we would EACH take 2 weeks leave to reduce childcare costs (£150 a week for holiday club) - this would now not happen

or am I meaning a mean bitch

YANBU. NorthernLurker - you think she's being very unreasonable for not wanting her dc to spend 2 weeks with a woman that he left her for? I guess I might see your point, but if that happened to me, I know I'd be really unhappy

LOL Fabby I'll be the same I know it

I know I am wrong about the GF and I am sure she's lovely - the kids like her a lot.

He doesn't go for any longer than 2 days without seeing them - ever - since he left I've never taken them away for longer than 5 days max - and he visted that time as well

2 weeks out of school at the beginning of term - would be a no-no for me.

Well DH and I are together so I'm sure that makes a massive difference. I trust him not to disregard my wishes and to make sure he is available on the phone etc. It was weird the first time, didn't know what to do with myself, but I work f/t so hardly bored. I use the time to spring clean the house and have a big night out and lie in

Honestly, it works for us but might not work for you. I have stipulated never longer than 2 weeks. DS is really fine though, he chats on the phone, says bye quite happily, and doesn't get clingy when he gets back or anything.

yeh - maybe it's the idea that's bothering me and the reality will be fine.

Thanks for the input it's good to step out of my little box of 'I am always right' and listen to other peoples opinions !

Sorry maybe I've read too many MN relationship threads . I had assumed that since he left you for her that he ha an affair while you were together. That's why I thought the gf thing was NU.

YANBU. Can't cover the maintenance but can afford a two week holiday??? He's having a laugh. So what actually happens in the school holidays now?

oh no he did Star - but it was 18mths ago - time enough to get over it an be a gorwn up I guess - I'm just not very good at it all the time

I've said he has to take a week off in August and if he goes in Sept I'd prefer it to be the first week of Sept.

Starexpat - I wouldn't be happy about the GF either but it's not out of order for a father to take his children away with a woman that he's in a committed relationship with. It could be that this woman will be in the dcs lives for the rest of her life - that's a long time to be livid about!

Oh well in that case you're NBU :)
I wouldn't want my DS around someone that his dad thought it ok to break up our family for... And the gf is no better. Sorry, maybe I'm not a grown up

X post. I see your point NL. I guess I'd just question how "committed" any of his relationships would be given that he had cheated on me...
Goodness. DH has done nothing wrong and I'm giving him an evil glare as he does his work across the room (ended Valentine's celebrations early on account of having too much work to do :) ).

OP If DC are being cared for by their father then yes, it's absolutely fine for a 2 yo to be away from their mother for two weeks.

Supposing the op said she and a new partner were taking the kids away for two weeks and was getting grief off her ex.

What advice would people give then?

I don't think it is unreasonable for a 2yo to spend two weeks with her father. It is unreasonable of him to want to take them away in term time.

Minky - ?
Squeaky - but OP didn't have an affair. I'd feel differently if it was a gf after we'd separated. Not the one who knowingly had an affair. Iyswim. All speculative. I don't know what I'd actually do unless put in the situation, I guess

And my DS is 2 and I'd be very :( if dh took him away for 2 weeks.

It's not on to be irregular with maintenance but then be able to afford a holiday abroad.

I wouldn't be happy with 2 weeks out of school, and especially not in September.

If maintenance is irregular, how is he with helping with childcare costs? If he isn't going to help or help pay during the summer holidays, then I'd be cross about that too.

The girlfriend could be a good thing, they might have a better time because of her being there, depending on what she's like.

Agree with Eglu. 2 weeks holiday abroad with their father shouldn't be a problem for you, even if his new partner is going as well. I agree it's a shame he's selfish with CSA payments but in general men who see their kids are more generous financially, particularly when the kids are older and can ask them for money.
Taking them away for 2 weeks in school holidays is unreasonable.

It shouldnt matter who had the affair though, that isnt the childrens fault and they have to come first.

I think its good that the dad is wanting to take the kids on holiday because many dads would just sod off on holidays with their new partner and not give a thought to the kids.

I do think taking them out of school in termtime is wrong. Especially September when term is starting. Going into school and immediately being behind by 2 weeks is not easy, and also the other kids will have formed their friendships and cliques and it can be isolating for a child to have missed the start of term.

I think one week is fair, the OP only takes the children away for a week and even when she does the ex sees them whilst they are away.

Why is it one rule for him and another for her?

Who pays for the clothing that they need to take away with them?

All these factors are to be considered.