to just want to be a stay at home mum

[littlemissprairiegirl]

I have been back at work for about a year and dd2 goes to nursery - other dd at school.

Seriously, I would give anything to be able to not have to work but there is no chance of that on DH salary. I have what you would consider a good job and am paid close to 30k a year to do something very fulfilling that lots of people would like to do but it just means nothing, I just want to be at home with DD. She loves nursery but I go out at lunchtime and see other mums with their babies and want to cry, it's all I want to do.It feels unnatural dropping her off at nursery and leaving her for other people to spend the day with.

Not intending this as SAHM v working mum, I just feel so down and wish I could jack it all in.

In that case thank the Lord that DH is merely a provincial.

Bonsoir, I agree travel is difficult. I would only go for a role that does not require travel. But there a jobs that do just that - it won't be senior management, more likely middle management.

I work in a law firm with offices around the world, but largely based in London. I don't have to travel at all. Neither does my boss, nor his boss much (just for conferences, not as part of the day-to-day job). Some of the client-facing lawyers do, not all - it depends on their area of practice.

It is more likely than not that positions below mine will never travel at all. And that would be quite a large part of the non-client facing roles at my firm. Most of which will still pay a good wage. These are the backbone of the working world.

Depends how you look at I suppose. I would say regional director was extremely high lol!

DH and I both have "big city" jobs. He has to travel a bit, I could get a "better" job, which would involve some travel, but dd under no circumstances would need to be abandoned to a rota of nannies.

Bonsoir, women who take a step back from their all singing-dancing-travelling career need to plan it out carefully. That means not taking too long a career break, if at all, and consciously developing the skills that will leverage their expertise but marrying it up with other skills that will put them in good stead for a more family friendly role.

That way, whilst they take a discount for the flexibility/set hours/lack of travelling/seniority, it is a discount on a premium they got in their previous roles - net result is still high pay but good hours.

That could mean being in the same role but in a different company/industry or doing a different but related job in the same company/industry or a combination.

Noodle I have been a SAHM for 14 months. I now need to find work. So my little one is in nursery 8am to 6pm most days. Thankfully it is a very good nursery. I thought I would offer my perspective.

I loved being a SAHM I really did. We had some very unexpected expenses, and thankfully I had good savings but it allowed me to gaze into the future.
I have realised that not contributing to a pension, or making money will hugely impact our family. I have to think about the mortgage but also save for university fees and the like. My savings have evaporated faster than I thought possible because of some unexpected expenses.

Living in London as a SAHM is expensive.
If I get the job that I am trying for (fingers and toes are crossed) it will have to be that arrangement for the immediate future as I will travel an hour each way and probably have to sometimes work long hours.

If I have another baby, which I so badly want, I will only take 3 or 4 months off, because looking for work at the moment is tough and I think anymore time would be detrimental to my career and could affect my earning potential. I do not think I can start a job and then leave for a long maternity leave.

I am hoping that once I can prove myself in a role then I could apply for some flexibility if needed.

In saying all that my DH has a role whereby he can drop things at the last minute and can hopefully provide flexibility as he is able to often work from home.

I think if you have flexibility then that is positive. Consider the long term as well as the short term.

I wish you well.

Spot on blueshoes. Your approach shows exactly why many women remain successfully in the workplace while raising their family.
(If I may be allowed to comment, from my lowly senior leadership public sector role lol)

Blueshoes I have ensured I have kept myself up to date but I am getting feedback that my period of time not in the workforce has been detrimental. This is not right ofcourse, but it is what it is.

You haven't been out of the workplace for that long though popcrackle. You've also recognised the need to keep up to date, which is important. Hopefully your potential employer will recognise that - good luck with your application.

Popcrackle, you have got the right attitude. That sounds like a very sensible plan. All the best for getting that job.

Thats fine popcrackle I only took 10 days off maternity leave after the birth of my daughter and I was back in uni as I was doing my degree. She wont remember she was only little so it doesnt bother me. I think being in nursery is great for them and usually go and hang around down there when I am off cause my daughter loves it!

I will always say nurseries are the best and I think my nursery provides better things for my daughter than I could ever do at home. I am very biased though my daughter started when she was very little and I want my next one to be the same.

I definitely think long term I was brought up never to consider SAHM and that has made me I too paranoid about my future to dare take long maternity as well, so I dont think you are doing anything bad for wanting to work.

Pop, it is a particularly harsh employer's market out there that will currently discount for almost anything, because of the number of applicants. Relevant up-to-date skills is key right now. Sadly, it very competitive in this climate.

Notwithstanding your time out, it is not that long, you have kept up-to-date and you recognise (wisely) that more time out of the workplace is not going to help. There will be the right job that is the perfect fit for your skills and your new employer.

Thanks, violet. From the vantage point of my mid-management private sector role, I am much in awe of the senior public sector role.

The firm I work for holds parenting talks for its employees. I am heartened to see colleagues from all parts of the business discuss topics like the value of homework and extracurricular activities. Parenthood is such a leveller and shows how everyone is just doing their best by their children and also earning a crust.

Thank you Noodle, Blueshoes and Violethill for all the positive encouragement - it means a great deal, it really does. I just need that one role to get back into the workforce.

Noodle - I'm glad to hear of your experience. A key factor for me, with regards to nurseries is that in good nurseries the workers can have the support of each other. I think nannies can have it tough when they are alone with the child/ children. Also I did not want to say be a manager and then have the stress of being an employer. Finding alternative cover at the last minute because a nanny is sick.