I’m skint and think this is a good way to pay off some debts – AIBU?

[WhereTheresAWill]

I?m a single parent and although I have a day job it?s minimum wage, so like most people money is tight. I have debts to pay off and anything extra is very much needed so I can get back on an even keel. I started doing webcam work a few months ago after a suggestion from a friend who?s in a similar industry (she?s an escort), and it?s helping me to pay off my debts and give me a bit of extra cash to treat my DC. I can?t do a second job outside the house as I have no evening childcare for my DC, so in that respect it?s ideal. At present I only work on the cams for approx. 3 hours on Friday and Saturday nights when DCs in bed and although there are some time wasters on the site I work from, most of the blokes are fine (with some interesting requests!) and I have a few regulars, one of which spends approx £40-50 a time when he has a show with me.

I know the moral majority won?t approve and will say that I?m being exploited, used, abused etc. but they are the ones paying a lot of money to see me put on a show, so surely it's the other way around! I just dress up, watch TV until a show is requested then do a bit of a dance and a strip tease and watch the money to stack up as the minutes pass - so who?s the fool?! I?m not a victim, as I choose to do this and actually enjoy the fact that these men are paying me to put on a show for them. They can?t touch me, have no idea where I live or even what my real name is, so it?s safe from that point of view, and if I don?t like them for any reason I can kick them out of my ?room?. Obviously I?ve only been doing it a few months and the novelty may wear off, but if things go well, my friend has suggested I could branch out into the odd bit of escorting as well to up my income a bit more.

AIBU doing this to make a bit of much-needed extra cash?

OP and SGB, would be int'd to hear your response to the point that, regardless of her individual capacity for agency, OP is supporting a market which can only exist if many, many women globally are totally fucked over.

Also I profoundly disagree with posters hwo say 'not my business'. It's all our business - the existence of this market influences and supports the rest of culture, and we all live in it.

Nick Griffin's mum has no choice, she can't help but, bless her.

It does make me chuckle when women pretend they are in control when they enter the sex industry.

You might make some money out of it but you are not in control by any means.

You are a service much like car hire or carpet washer hire. You body becomes much like a Fiesta or a Vax, it will continue to be hired until it gets old and scrapped then it is worthless to anyone.

You are a fool if you think otherwise.

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to offend but that is the fact of it.

God you must be at rock bottom to do this. Can you really not utilise any other skills to earn some money?

I'm not at rock bottom at all. I just want to pay off some debt, that's all. I already have a day job. What else would you suggest that could make me up to £100 per weekend that doesn't involve going out of the house?

Of course I'm arguing against opinions I don't agree with - that's the whole point of arguing, isn't it?

You posted on AIBU which implies that you have doubts about what you are doing and possibly proposing to do.

Or did you just come on here to start an argument?

Okay, well if you're not at rock bottom, then is the relatively small amount of money worth the indignity of what you do and are thinking of branching into?

I agree Lindsay too!

But honestly it can't be very nice, knowing these guys are leering over you, the possibility of your children learning about what you do seeing images.

I mean what would happen if they ran into the room? You must be a nervous wreck with worry and it's not worth it. Don't even consider prostitution please. You must be worth more than this. Ok you might not earn as much but housekeeping locally may be something you can do. What are your skills what have you worked as before?

Scarlett Thanks for the suggestion. I know you're trying to help but as I've said, I already have a day job and can't take on another one in the day, and I can't work outside the home at night as I don't have a regular baby sitter. I honestly can't think of anything else I can do from home at night, can you? I said on an earlier thread that my DC sleeps very well and never get up at night, so no, I'm not a nervous wreck with worry.

I don't know how you can. People you know will see you, and your children too. Doesn't it feel bad that you have to do that?

WhereTheresAWill

I have namechanged for this (which doubtless says a lot already), but I hope hearing about my experience helps.

I worked as an escort/fucked men for money - whatever we're calling it at this point in th thread for about 8 or 9 months while I was doing postgraduate study.

I worked through an agency who provided drivers. I wouldn't say it was particularly 'high class'. Pretty seedy actually.

Typically I would spend a night driving round London and the outskirts in a car with one of the agency drivers (that bit was actually quite fun). If I recall correctly, a call would come in on my mobile from the agency and I would call the punter back to get a first impression over the phone (they had to have a landline: this would be checked against the name they'd given. They had to give a credit card details over the phone - also checked). Obviously no guarantee of safety, though.

You ask what is the difference between a woman being bought drinks all night and then having sex and a woman being paid to have sex. Well, apart from the attraction factor that a lot of posters have rightly brought up, there are a few other significant differences:

1. As an escort you won't know what you're getting until you walk through that door with the intention of having sex. The sense of obligation and lack of spontaneity is markedly different from the fun of having sex with someone you've met on a night out even if you haven't know them long. It is a very, very different thing.
2. I repeat, as an escort you won't know what you're getting until you walk through that door. The body language that gives you an uneasy feeling or just makes you go 'yuck'? You don't get to see that until you are right there about to get your kit off.

I do feel very ambivalent about this aspect of my past. I'll elaborate:

With some men I really enjoyed the sex. With most it wasn't actively unpleasant but just...boring. There were some I felt very unattracted to but the thing is once I was there, I found it difficult to just look them up and down and say 'sorry, I find you ugly'. There were a few for whom I felt I was providing very useful therapy and some human warmth (a couple of very socially awkward men and one lovely guy who was disabled and found it impossible to 'pull' - his evaluation not mine btw). I am still in - very, platonic, very occasional - contact with one over a mutual appreciation of folk music (!).

I decided to stop for a few reasons.

• I found myself really dreading going out for the night and feeling relieved on the nights where we only got one or no calls.
• I found myself looking at men on the tube and thinking 'Yeah, yeah, I know what you're like.'
• I realised I did not feel empowered by it in the slightest.
• This was made very clear when one day a punter took off the condom without me realising. I was lucky. No nasty diseases caught. But I was lucky and the time I had to wait before getting the HIV test was a pretty long 3 months.

Oh, and there was one time I caught sight of a family photo when the guy was getting the cash out of his wallet. That has stayed with me.

Wow, having written all that out, I realise I don't feel so ambivalent about it after all. It all felt subversive and exciting at first - and the cash was welcome - but I look back at myself then and see a different person.

Tread very carefully OP. I have met people who seem to be perfectly happy doing it. For me it really wasn't a healthy thing to have done - physically or mentally.

Do PM me if you want to discuss issues away from this thread, which - predictably, understandably - has got heated.

An ironing business would be less demeaning and give you a more loyal customer base.

Anyfucker you did it again, putting words in my mouth. I never said I was pro prostitution, there is too much grey area on the subject to be simply pro prostitution in my mind. I said that it was fine so long as... and proceeded to write a list of things for the OP to consider in terms of safety etc..

There is so much grey area to prostitution to be simply pro prostitution. For instance, if a girl was doing it for her own benefit, being safe and all the rest, then fair enough. But if the girl were trafficked or being pimped for instance, I would be against that.

expat assuming the following is a response to my post: "LOL at all this classifying of prostitutes, like one type of taking money for sex is better than another"

You obviously missed everything I said in regards to the fact that I was not specifying one as superior to the other. Some people had mentioned that all prostituton is the same and I was pointing out differences as a matter of fact. One is different to the other, but yes all prostitution does involve having sex for money. I do not dispute that, but that does not mean it is the same type of prostitution. Standing on a street corner is very different to having an agency (one is far safer than the other to start as people know where you are, though of course both carry safety risks). I will say this again, I was saying it matter of factly, not to show one as superior to the other. It is prostitution but in different contexts. Also, some escorts genuinely do not sleep with the guys who see them so there is obviously a clear distinction there.

My question on image capture and preservation appears to have been ignored?

Eurostar That is a very good and very pertinent point. Somewhere there is a photo of me - admittedly not particularly recognisable - associated with an escort agency website.

I do feel rather haunted by that.

I repeat my questions about your kids?

You are controlled by the money...

Mumcentreplus Thu 10-Feb-11 00:46:36
You are controlled by the money...

+1

But aren't we all. It's a tough one this. I passionately believe in a free market because it promotes our own freedom. Does this promote freedom or demonstrate a desperate end result of a debt based economy?

IMHO life is just about your time and if doing this helps you get what you want for you and yours then it's not so bad.

I really don't know how anyone can say much else about it really. I wish you all the best OP, if you are comfortable with your choice and it works for you then i guess you made the right decision.

We are all slaves to money until we are not.

OP-If you still considering 'escorting' please tell you won't have your 'clients' in your home will you?Or would you go to their homes?
I feel that's very dangerous OP.What if they stalked you?
Can you not ring a debt helpline?
I think carrying on with your web cam work is fine as long as you're happy with it.
Although I agree with a few other posters that it's a slippery slope down a dangerous road.

there isn bnothing wrong with Escorting.

Yes it is providing a service but so is McDonalds, Hilton Hotels etc. If there is a need the hole will be filled.

And how is it the oldest form of explotation? still not heard any decent argumebnts of why.

She may do it for money but i also work for money. God id love not to work but i need to in order to live. Am i being exploited?

MrSpoc-You are either on a wind-up or totally deluded.
How on earth can you compare 'escorting' with working in the Hilton etc?
The Hilton hotel have lots of staff/customers/security/CCTV cameras do you think a receptionist is at danger everyday of being raped or murdered?

Also MrSpoc you say 'nothing is wrong with escorting'
So I guess you'd be happy if you're daughter did it then would you?

Meretrix, thank you for writing about your experience, you know better than most what it feels like to do this work and I found reading your post most enlightening. I agree with your conclusion, it may feel 'subversive' and 'exciting' (and pays) intially, I can't think there's lots of women out there who love it so much they want to carry on for an entire career, or when they have other choices (as you probably do being a postgrad, and the OP probably doesn't).

Yes I would actually, but i would make sure she is safe as possible.

My views are different to yours and yes I do see it as providing a service and can compare it to the Hilton, McDonalds Etc. as someone said before that it was exploiting people because there is a need. But there is a need for the above also.

So MrSpoc you'd be happy to let your daughter be an escort
I do hope in RL you don't actually have a daughter.

I think theres no problem with doing what you want to do as long as your comfortable but thinks maybe you have some (understandble) worries about the escorting where you need reassuring to be posting it on here?