To be told to attend Cubs to observe son's behavior?

[carocaro]

Have been sent a letter by Cub leader who wants me to attend two sessions to discipline my son and watch due to behavior issues.

This is the first time in 7 months I have heard of any behavior issues. The letter is non specific and does not say what the issues are.

I have asked DS and he said he was told off last week for giggling during the flag ceremony.

I can't go as DH away and DS2 is 3 and will be in bed; a friend brings DS1 home from Cubs. I have emailed back (don't have his number) told them this and asked them to be more specific so I can talk to DS1.

Is this heavy handed? There are four our of 30 this has been sent to. Why can't they just pick up the phone or arrange to talk to me?

Vagueness drives me mad. There are no issues at school or elsewhere with behavior, so am mystified and want to get to the bottom of it.

::waves jauntily::

carocaro I am very glad your son is not in my pack. You sound very unpleasant to deal with!

Your comments about leaders thinking they are "god"???? Surely you can see how incredibly offensive that is!!!??

I expect no (and do not get any) credit or thanks for what I do but I do expect the children and their parents to respect me and treat me politely as they would anyone else.

And, as for not giving my phone number out, not only have I known other leaders who had parents ringing them at 6.45am in the morning, but they also think its fine to stop me in the middle of my grocery shopping to discuss their dc next badge!!!

Your last few posts have shown you to be very intolerant of other peoples situations whilst moaning that the leader is not being tolerant of yours!!!...perhaps, just perhaps the leader has issues he/she has to deal with today (perhaps a sick child, like me) and cannot immediately answer your e mail???

Also, if they work, I would imagine it wont get answered til they return from work????

YABVVU

'if it/was ever that bad, the leader is at fault for not speaking to the parents sooner and letting it get that bad. If parents don't know how can they help do anything about it? Parents are not telepathic!'

In the circumstances, the letter must be a bit of a shock on top of including an unreasonable demand.

And surely refusing to get in touch in a way suited to the 21st century will actually slow down the process of doing anything about the problem?

I give out my phone number to all parents I have to deal with (and it's in the school directory the school puts out anyhow) and the parents give me theirs, and guess what? Nobody calls me unless they have a genuine problem or emergency. Not that many people find the volunteering job that I do half as interesting as I do. I am definitely not bothered by calls about it from parents. They are just not that into me and my little volunteering thang. I do not understand this insistence on keeping your number a massive secret when you're dealing with people who might need to call you with a concern about a child, or when you might get a problem fixed quicker with a phone call.

RMCW -- are you complaining that the parents who stop to chat with you in the shops are enthusiastic about their child's next badge? And how many times did the leader you know really get a call at 6:45 am from a parent?

As for issues you may have to deal with that prevent you from answering e-mails -- would you like the problem dealt with this year or not?

You really can't land a missive on someone's lap and then retreat into strict radio silence as the leader has done in Carocaro's case. She was upset because this was a complete surprise and now frustrated because she can't apparently get to the bottom of it by normal means and must jump through the assigned hoops with a crabby 3 yo -- perhaps to find out that indeed her son has committed the horrendous crime of giggling during a ceremony.

Wouldn't it be quicker to make a phone call?

I am available before, during and after each session.

If we have a problem we try to speak to the parent/carer that night, but sometimes its not that easy and, of course, depends on what the problem is. If the child is being picked up by someone else then we cant speak the parents and vice versa.

If it were a real issue, then I would phone the parents and discuss the matter.

I think the OPs comments have become very nasty indeed.

...and they werent enthusiastic about their childs next badge, they were complaining their child had not recieved a badge they were not entitled to!!!

I explained that the children have to meet criteria to gain badges and that I was happy to send them stuff to do at home for them to complete this particular badge work....guess what? Didnt hear another thing about it!!!

AND I am entitled to do my grocery shop without being harrassed just as much as you are!!!!

My phone number is mine to do with as I please, if I don't want to give it out to parents then I don't have to, there are other reasonable ways of communitcating with me, either before or after the scout meeting, email or contacting the GSL and asking them if I can return a call.
My private life is mine to do with as I please it is not there to be interrupted by a parent wanting to shout at me because I dared to teach their child a scouting activity.
My husband and I are involved in scouting not because we have a GOD complex or are martyrs, but because my OH in his childhood gained a lot from scouting that in his adulthood he wanted to give something back to the organisation that helped him become the man he is today.

If you volunteer in any capacity with children, you have to deal with parents too. Children are a pita sometimes and so are their parents. Surprise? In for a penny, in for a pound.

How many parents have stopped you to ask about their son's unearned badge -- has this happened five or six times or just an isolated incident? Harassment may be putting it a bit strongly?

I don't think the OP is nasty in the slightest. I think she's dealing with a pair of misanthropes whose communication and people skills would get them a reprimand in most workplaces. She is desperate to know what happened. She saw both leaders last week and nothing was mentioned. Would it kill the Cub leaders to let her know promptly what her son has been doing now that she has written and asked? If it's that serious why not call?

why not call? well maybe they want a record that is public rather than a private phone conversation which could see the parent getting very heated and defensive. it's all very well saying "why doesn't the cub leader do this or that", but they have to operate under certain guidelines and restrictions.

the request to stay and attend a cub meeting is a reasonable. for all we know the unacceptable behaviour might be of a 'sensitive' nature. i once had a young cousin who groped in a very sexual manner and it was all a bit odd and you wondered where he'd got it from at the age of 4. not saying that is the case here but there are various things that might be inappropriate to discuss over the phone or difficult to explain without seeing it first hand. i think it is much more powerful for a parent to witness their child's behaviour (and impact on other children) first hand rather than to have it described to them (at which stage it is all too easy to excuse or think it has been exaggerated).

I'm not sure you can just have any old parent attend a meeting with children either -- you don't know who you might have in your midst if a parent who hasn't been given a background check is there.

Plus it's unlikely that the child will repeat the behaviour with the parent present and casting a baleful eye.

TBH, think I might find it hard to hold in my giggles during a flag ceremony. But I'm quite irreverent..

It won't help if you attend. As others have said, DS will probably mind his p's and q's if you're there. The leader's obviously looking for more support. If you'd like DS to continue to attend, why not have a quick chat at the end of the next session in front of DS, where you instruct him to do as he's told by the leader. Also perhaps ask for specific examples of what he's been doing that has caused such distress.

(Picture the scene: 'DS, flags must be respected at all times..')

That way DS will know that more insubordination will lead to consequences. And so will the leader.

I think if you can you should attend and then try to talk to the leaders afterwards. you are showing support by going along.

I think the people who volunteer to do scouting are marvellous. My son is a scout and loves it. the parents go in once a term to help.

i know it is difficult when you have younger ones.

I find this thread deeply disappointing.

Everyone who is griping about volunteers, maybe you should yourselves attend a couple of meetings before you start to give your opinions?

Those who enjoy the benefits of these groups and yet feel it's ok to slag off the organisers, don't send your children anymore, you are ungrateful so and so's and your children don't deserve to attend if that is your attitude.

To the orginal op, it is customary to contact parents if a problem persists, you would not want to be contacted for every pinch or "giggle" at an inappropriate time.

It is likely they would have liked to have spoken to you at the end of a session, but as this hasn't been possible they've sent you an e-mail. It's no biggie, they need to talk to you. They have suggested attending for a couple of weeks because, as everyone has pointed out, your son will be on best behaviour initially.

I wouldn't want to send someone a list of misdemeanours, would any of you? Be reasonable, and honest.

It's very simple, the op just needs to either attend or be available to talk to someone on Thursday and sort it out. Non reply to an e-mail either means, leaders busy and does not check e-mail regularly, or would rather speak face to face. So why is he/she being roasted for that??

i remember my brother and his friend got banned from cubs for a couple of weeks' in the dim and dark 70's.

I think his friend also got banned from our house as we all got very silly and my mum couldn't stand it.

bit of a talking point for few years.

Surely the way of the world is nowadays that everyone isn't always available for face to face conversations. Hence why many people make use of email and phones instead.

I don't see why attendance should be expected, as I've said throughout the thread. I also don't see the big issue about dealing with calls on the phone? you give a mobile number, and if you're busy, you call screen, and if its late you put your phone on silent.

I have to say, being accosted in the supermarket is nothing...you want to try coaching football! My Ex was variously offered bribes to play certain children for play a whole game etc, told by parents that if he didn't win most of his games half the children would leave for a more successful team and given threats and/or abuse by opposing teams and their supporters. The Premier league has nothing on the murky world of under 8s football

Well my normally well behaved DS threw scissors at a girl at after school club today . They dealt with it by time out in managers office. The little git terror is now eating dinner ready for a bath and early night.

I Wouldn't be able to go and observe his behaviour as he attends because I work but op I would send a letter to say you want to discuss it and come up with a system whereby you work with the club to ensure good and acceptable behaviour. For example - I will give after school club the freedom to decide whether DS behaviour tomorrow warrants him having computer time. Bare in mind this is the first time in 2 years he's ever been in trouble there.

If you work with the club then DS will know his behaviour is being 'watched' without the need for you actually physically being there.

With regards to the letter yanbu. It is hard for you to attend and observe behaviour if you have no idea what your actually observing.

Worth also bearing in mind others expaectations of behaviour are different. Does your DS know/ Is he clear on what exactly is expected at him at Cubs?

I'm somewhat at some of the replys on this thread.

Your Ds is being a PITA
2 choices.Either you turn up and sort your DS out, or you get him to quit.
I think some of the posts about volunteers on this thread are truly shocking.

"
Worth also bearing in mind others expaectations of behaviour are different. Does your DS know/ Is he clear on what exactly is expected at him at Cubs?"

Any enrolled Cub knows what is expected of him/her. Or if they don;t, they haven't listened.

I wasn't keen on the idea of sending DS to cubs etc anyway, I'm now hoping fervently that he never gets keen on the idea. I have an extremely low tolerance for bullshit like 'respecting flags' anyway and I certainly don't want to deal with stick-up-the-arse martyrs who expect everyone else to take their ridiculous kiddy paramilitary organisation seriously.

I am sure that cub scout leaders are all breathing a sigh of relief as we speak SGB.