Is my DH a twat or am I?

[mrsmarple]

Seriously I need to know whether I am being unreasonable.

The background:
Dh works from home. That means he gets up at 9-10am, later at weekends, runs himself a bath, has a coffee. Settles down to work.

I am on maternity leave with DS. He has never been a good sleeper, up every 2 hrs until recently. He also wakes at the crack of dawn. DH never helps at all. He has done probably 4/5 bathtimes in 11 months, same amount of mealtimes. Never did a night feed.

Today I asked for a day off as am knackered and pissed off. So I still get up at 7am to do the baby, then he goes down for a nap and I go back to bed because it is my day off. Baby wakes at 10.30am, I wake up DH who looks after him until 11.30am when he is plonked on the bed. I do lunch and look after him until his lunchtime nap, then I go back to bed. Basically I look after him until 3.30pm, when DH takes him for another hour. I use that hour to prepare the dinner because he wanted to know what he was having for dinner.

I come down from doing bath and bedtime to find DH sitting reading in a pile of toys and mess, not having bothered to put anything away. He says, did you enjoy your day off? (I don't think he was joking). Wanker.

DH asks why I am stroppy when I am tidying up after dinner. I tell him he does nothing and I am pissed off. He says that I clearly can't cope with my life at the moment and that I need to think about my attitude.

I was contemplating apologising to him, but now I have written it down I am furious.

well the first could have been put down to a bit of blindness on his part.

The second to last paragraph is like him writing I AM A TWAT backwards on his forehead because it looks right in the mirror. 'Think about yout attitude' I think is a defence in law for a teatoweled finger poke in the eye.

Well it wasn't much of a day off was it? I would write it down and show it to him. And next time you want a day off, leave the house.

YANBU

He is. Not you. And telling you you need to think about your attitude is an appalling thing to say to someone who is supposed to be your partner

yanbu

he's being a prick

Bloody hell! You don't really need to ask... He's being a bit more than a twat really.

yes. leave the house. or refuse to do anything at all. reminding him it's your day off.

and for now, go and tell him that on this supposed 'day off', you did and does he think that constitutes him doing everything so you can have a day off.

does he ever get a day off? totally? no work no nothing? if so, point that out. if not, suggest you work out a way for you both to have some of that time.

notnowbernard summed it up very succintly. Prick (him).

Yep, a proper "day off" (to me anyway) would have involved leaving the house and letting him get on with it. YANBU though.

Fact: you can't have a day off if you stay in the house.
That's my experience, anyway, and your DH sounds similar to mine.

Yes he was really goading me with the whole attitude thing. He knows that I hate being laughed at (like most people when they are upset I think?) so then he laughed at me and said I need to control myself. Whilst watching Top Gear and occasionally sniggering at something Jeremy Clarkson said.

God he is a total wanker.

The problem is about control and money I think. All arguments end with him saying, well I pay the mortgage so your job is to look after me and do all the housework and baby stuff etc. What is even more galling is that we were in the same profession and I was more senior than him.

Argh!!!

Blardy hell. Bastard.

I can remember dh standing outside the toilet door with a wailing dd telling me to hurry up..... he was EXACTLY the same unless I went out.
Yet would criticise (sp) me constantly.

Go out!

So, if my maths is right, he was "in charge" for approximately 2 hours.
Point that out to him.

You are all right, I just need to leave the house next time.

Off to pour myself a glass of wine.

Oh really?

right.

Present him with a fucking bill each month then.

seriously. get your google on and work out how much a full time nanny costs, a cleaner, a cook, a chaufer - all the things you do.

And present him with a bill for it every month.

or half of it. If we're working on paying for someone to do everything you do, then you 'pay' half and he pays half, iyswim

his bill will still be a few thousand a month

Yep. He is a TWAT of the highest order. Think about your attitude is something I say to my 6 year old, not a partner FFS.
You really need to give him a relity check here. Your little one is a bit older and past the mega vulnerable stage so could you arrange a night away or even 2, just to let him know exactly what is actually involved in the care of HIS child on a day to day basis.
Am extremely cross for you.

YANBU

But agree that you do need to go out. And you REALLY make it clear that you expect the house to be in the state that it normally is when you return, otherwise it will be a shit hole and there will be a huge hoo-haa! Been there done that. I take it this is your first child? So feel compelled to enlighten you to the reality that as well as child 'training', routines etc, you do also need to be a bit of husband training when the babies come too. There are no books and they do rebel sometimes but it can be done.
x

It would be interesting to get his version of events for sake of comparison.

Do other marriages work like this? Where the husband does fuck all.

It wouldn't bother me so much if he actually left the house to go to an office, but he is around all the time. I never get a break because If I do sit down when DS is asleep then he just comes in and says oooh I'd love your life.

huge twat

CockularDepravity his version of events is that he looked after the baby all day, I spent most of it in bed, then got stroppy this evening.

I was a stroppy cow this evening, I'll give him that, but it was a build up of resentment!