Is my DH a twat or am I?

[mrsmarple]

Seriously I need to know whether I am being unreasonable.

The background:
Dh works from home. That means he gets up at 9-10am, later at weekends, runs himself a bath, has a coffee. Settles down to work.

I am on maternity leave with DS. He has never been a good sleeper, up every 2 hrs until recently. He also wakes at the crack of dawn. DH never helps at all. He has done probably 4/5 bathtimes in 11 months, same amount of mealtimes. Never did a night feed.

Today I asked for a day off as am knackered and pissed off. So I still get up at 7am to do the baby, then he goes down for a nap and I go back to bed because it is my day off. Baby wakes at 10.30am, I wake up DH who looks after him until 11.30am when he is plonked on the bed. I do lunch and look after him until his lunchtime nap, then I go back to bed. Basically I look after him until 3.30pm, when DH takes him for another hour. I use that hour to prepare the dinner because he wanted to know what he was having for dinner.

I come down from doing bath and bedtime to find DH sitting reading in a pile of toys and mess, not having bothered to put anything away. He says, did you enjoy your day off? (I don't think he was joking). Wanker.

DH asks why I am stroppy when I am tidying up after dinner. I tell him he does nothing and I am pissed off. He says that I clearly can't cope with my life at the moment and that I need to think about my attitude.

I was contemplating apologising to him, but now I have written it down I am furious.

slug I stand by my statement. Socially, culturally and hormonally it isn't as 'natural'. Doesn't mean they CAN'T do it.

PS I have had this precise convo with a group of people including my DH (1 day a week SAHD) and a full-time SAHD so while, yes, it's entirely subjective, I'm not just speculating. If you suggest that there is as much support and approbation for SAHDs as there is for SAHMs I would respectfully suggest that your bum is talking.

My concern for you would be that your DH will still expect you to do everything when you are working too. You will be 'only' part time, so in his eyes should do it all.

My DH works 6 days a week running his own business. I currently work 15 hours a week, but even when I wasn't working DH would do the following.

Cook dinner at least 50% of the time, sometimes more.
Put the DC to bed and read them a story
He also takes the rubbish out and other things like that.

Your DH is totally taking the piss. You are on ML to look after the babby, not to look after him.

It's the hormonal bit that offends. Where's the scientific evidence??? And what do you mean by natural. Where, on earth, is the evidence?

And as for culturally? Since when has that been an excuse for lazy arsedness? The fact is men can and do take care of children and do the housework. There's nothing stopping them short of the expectation that the boring bits of childrearing are woment's work. To suggest otherwise is to give them an excuse to behave like twats.

My DH was a SAHD for years, as are many, many men. If a man can take care of a small child and run a household after his wife/partner dies, then why can't he do it while she's still alive?

Natural my arse.