Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have just unceremoniously booted small child out of my home.

127 replies

HecateQueenOfWitches · 05/02/2011 12:34

she's about six. She comes round with annoying frequency to play with my nearly 12 yr old. My 10yr old does not acknowledge her in any way but my eldest is far kinder to small children Grin

Anyway, they were in the bedroom and my son came down in floods of tears. She, according to him, had no allowed him to play with the toy they were playing with and had said "fuck you."

She appeared and I got my keys and said "you need to go home. Now."

I then said to my son. "Whst happened?" and he told me, again.

She said "I didn't."

I don't believe her.

I said "Just go home."

And my son yelled "And never come back"

She left.

Should I have done it differently?

I then had to spend ages trying to sort out my son who was yelling that he wanted her to die.

(In case this seems somewhat extreme, it is probably important to know that my boys both have autism)

The girl is quite likely to try to come and play again at some point. Do I tell her to never come again, tell her mother to not let her come round again or try to convince my son to forgive her?

OP posts:
TheVisitor · 05/02/2011 12:36

If you don't want her in your home, then don't have her in there. Simple. :)

Lulumaam · 05/02/2011 12:36

why is a six year hold coming over uninvited to play with a much older child ?

she should be playing with friends her own age and not just arriving on your doorstep to annoy your boys!

I have an 11.5 year old, and a 5 year old DD, they don;t really like playing together on the whole and they are siblings, i can't imagine my son wanting to particualry spend time with a young child who was not a sibling

so no, don't convince him to forgive her, he's old enough to choose his own friends

Newgolddream · 05/02/2011 12:37

Your house so your rules!

mutznutz · 05/02/2011 12:38

You're not wrong...she sounds pretty ferral.

But I'd be worried if my 10yr old son burst into floods of tears over something like that...and extremely worried that he says he wants her to die.

Is he always that dramatic?

MorticiaAddams · 05/02/2011 12:38

It might have been better to see her home and explain what happened to the parent as I'm sure her story will be entirely different.

If she comes again just say that the way she behaved is not acceptable in your home and she can't come round and play anymore. It seems better to hurt her feelings a little than inflict her on your sons.

Original poster
HecateQueenOfWitches · 05/02/2011 12:38

oh good. I don't want her through my door again, but I wondered if I was overreacting.

OP posts:
bubblewrapped · 05/02/2011 12:38

I find it odd too that a six year old would be coming to play with children twice her age.

Does she live very close by? Do you know the parents?

MsKLo · 05/02/2011 12:38

You should not feel bad about not wanting her round so If you do not just tell her no and her mum no from now on. Say your sons have other interests etc.

Some more background info would be useful - why does she come round? Do u know her
And her mum well?

Is she troublesome? Etc

SandStorm · 05/02/2011 12:39

Where are her parents in all of this? Are they using you as a babysitter perchance? I think you are fully justified in telling them that your children are not interested in playing with children so much younger and please don't send her round again.

mutznutz · 05/02/2011 12:39

Btw, I don't mean extremely worried as in he actually meant it...just very worried about how dramatic he is.

onimolap · 05/02/2011 12:40

You didn't witness the incident but, whatever happened, your DS is being abundantly clear that he does not want to play with her again.

Are you on good terms with the girl's parents? Could you explain simply that your DSes do not want to play (for the time being at least) and ask for her not to call round for a while. That should give you space to let it all calm down.

MsKLo · 05/02/2011 12:41

You poor woman - you sound stressed about this too! Do what is best for you and your boys - don't inflict her Them or you anymore!

Why is she so troublesome?

Lancelottie · 05/02/2011 12:41

Ah, well, Mutz, both my boys would have reacted that extremely to much less provocation than that. Clearly you don't have drama queens, autistic or otherwise. (I have one who's autistic, and the other who is certainly 'otherwise' in some sense!)

Original poster
HecateQueenOfWitches · 05/02/2011 12:41

x-post. He's the nearly 12yr old, not the 10 yr old. The 10 yr old just ignores her when she comes here, but yes mutz, he is always that dramatic. He can flip over things and be impossible to calm or to reason with. Such is autism. I do the best I can to help him to be more rational, but you can't really do much during a meltdown.

Morticia, I predict that she will not mention it at all to her mother. (she's got form on that)

OP posts:
KangarooCaught · 05/02/2011 12:42

It's a children's tiff but perfectly acceptable to turf a child out for that shocking language (am guessing she has overheard her parents using it but she needs to learn that there are consequences to using it) and for upsetting ds to that extent. Are you likely to have her parents coming to see you?

DurhamDurham · 05/02/2011 12:43

It's your house so you get to choose who comes in. However you weren't there and don't know what happened. Because your son seems a tad dramatic maybe he embellished the story a bit to make it seem worse than it was.

Would have been awful for the little girl to have heard that he wanted her dead. V upsetting.

MarioandLuigi · 05/02/2011 12:45

YANBU.

Hope your DS is okay and it wasnt too stressful to calm him down.

Original poster
HecateQueenOfWitches · 05/02/2011 12:46

Trying to make sure I answer all uestions. If miss you out, yell Grin

she lives next door. I think that's the only reason she comes here. There isn't anyone else to play with. It's for that reason that I have, until now, tried to be kind. Because she's little and she's lonely.

I didn't witness it but I know that my son would not make it up. His reaction was also not something that he could have invented.

I am on pleasant terms with the mother. If I have to I can tell her about it. I am hoping that this will make the girl not want to try to come again. [cowardly me]

OP posts:
Original poster
HecateQueenOfWitches · 05/02/2011 12:48

Oh no, she didn't hear him yelling that he wanted her dead, she had been ejected by that point! It was while I was trying to calm him that he was yelling this. They live next door, but not the other semi to us, iyswim. So it's 2 gardens away!

He isn't dramatic in that he lies or embelishes - he is dramatic (autistic) in his reactions.

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 05/02/2011 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mutznutz · 05/02/2011 12:49

Sorry, I totally missed the fact you said he has autism...that'll teach me to stop speed reading Blush

BluddyMoFo · 05/02/2011 12:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bubblewrapped · 05/02/2011 12:50

Even though there may not be others to play with, it probably isnt ideal for a 6yr old to be playing with a 12yr old.

I cant see how there is much common ground, and I wouldnt be too impressed if she is using that sort of language either.

I think you have to tell her about it though.

MorticiaAddams · 05/02/2011 12:50

You are not over reacting. The worst thing about having children is OPKs. Grin

TakeItOnTheChins · 05/02/2011 12:51

YANBU.

My DS2's best friend lives just across the way and I can't abide him. He's been known to stick his middle finger up, push/hit/kick DS2 etc.

My rule is: you do anything I don't like, you're out. I don't have to explain myself, I don't have to justify it. It's my house and if you piss me off in any way, shape or form you get the fuck out.

Swipe left for the next trending thread