Have just unceremoniously booted small child out of my home.

[HecateQueenOfWitches]

she's about six. She comes round with annoying frequency to play with my nearly 12 yr old. My 10yr old does not acknowledge her in any way but my eldest is far kinder to small children

Anyway, they were in the bedroom and my son came down in floods of tears. She, according to him, had no allowed him to play with the toy they were playing with and had said "fuck you."

She appeared and I got my keys and said "you need to go home. Now."

I then said to my son. "Whst happened?" and he told me, again.

She said "I didn't."

I don't believe her.

I said "Just go home."

And my son yelled "And never come back"

She left.

Should I have done it differently?

I then had to spend ages trying to sort out my son who was yelling that he wanted her to die.

(In case this seems somewhat extreme, it is probably important to know that my boys both have autism)

The girl is quite likely to try to come and play again at some point. Do I tell her to never come again, tell her mother to not let her come round again or try to convince my son to forgive her?

Seems totally fine to me too. Kids get upset with each other all the time (even totally NT ones) and that alone is a perfectly valid and normal reason to send one home IMO. My children had a huge fight with each other a few days ago and dh sent dd's friends home fairly sharpish. Partly because he was mad with dd and partly because he knew that she was about to go into a total crying fest which he didn't want the friends to suffer/see. She is a totally normal (as far as we know!) 10 year old.

As your ds doesn't enjoy having the neighbour to play I'd just tell the mother that, and then just tell the little girl (nicely) to go away when she knocks. I don't think you did anything wrong to encourage the friendship - and I expect that you might have encouraged your boys to be nice to a lonely little girl regardless - and you never know they might have been friends (ds is good friends with a neighbouring boy four years younger than him because he likes to be a big brother) or not as the case may be.

Sorry to butt in...I have been following this thead but not really interjected as I didnt think YABU at all...I DO however worry slightly...she sounds like a bit of a little mare in some ways...swearing and such...saying mean things...my dd is 6 and I know what they can be like.

I wouldn't trust HER with my boys if I were you...your boys are vulnerable aren't they...and letting them play alone with small girls with behaviour and lying issues would not be my choice of entertainment for them.

Your oldest is heading for adolescence and it's just not sensible to put him near smaller kids alone in other rooms where you're not able to see them.

Please dont think I am saying your boys would DO anything to a child...but I know how narrow minded people can think with regard to kids with SEN..