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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that play 'fighting' is normal behaviour for young boys?

163 replies

LetBoysBeBoys · 04/02/2011 21:05

Had to have a meeting with the school this week regarding DS2 (yr3) being involved in 'rough play' which basically involved a group of boys being in a rugby like scrum with general pushing and wrestling. The school policy is now that any type of 'rough play' will not be tolerated.

Now I will not tolerate bullying at all and if either of my DSs were involved in anything like that, they would be in big trouble, but this is nothing like that at all. The teacher also is very clear that this is not that at all and all involved are willing participants Grin.

DS1 has been disciplined in the past for breaking a branch off one of the many trees surrounding the playing field while swinging from it. His teacher rang me at home to notify me of it and kept the branch to show me at pick up time. He was also taken round all his year group class rooms with the offending branch so all the other DCs could see his crime first hand Hmm. I do not condone hurting trees of course but I think this was way OTT.

Also at hometime, DS2 was wrestling (not hurting each other, just laughing) with his friend on the school field while I and the friends mum were chatting. We were watching them when a teacher rushed up to them shouting 'How dare you play like that on school property - leave the premises at once'. I mean really shouting in full knowledge that we, the parents, were standing there and looking at us with daggers in front of all the other parents. It is pretty normal that the DCs have a run about in the playground/field for 10 mins after school so there were loads of other DCs/parents there.

Now is'nt this relatively typical behaviour of boys or are my DSs and the majority of their friends abonormal little thugs? I understand that schools need to keep control of the kids so that no one gets hurt but they are not all little robots. What the hell are they supposed to play - hopskotch?

AIBU to not take this particularly seriously?

OP posts:
wannaBe · 04/02/2011 23:20

"real boys." Hmm

Oh so you're one of those. Hmm

God help your sons if either of them turns out to be gay.

I suspect you would prefer that they be wife beaters instead. Violence is normal after all... Hmm

JamieLeeCurtis · 04/02/2011 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 04/02/2011 23:27

Jamie, really? haven't yet (he's only 3) but I do get what you mean..

(am thinking I should start own thread before I take over this one)

JamieLeeCurtis · 04/02/2011 23:30

Well do it - but I'm off to bed now.

I didn't understand his sensitivity until I started to come on here - you'll find others with similar DCs

JarethTheGoblinKing · 04/02/2011 23:32

Thanks so much Jamie, I've ordered the book.

I will start my own thread as well.

x

JamieLeeCurtis · 04/02/2011 23:33

Smile Night

giveemahug · 05/02/2011 08:54

My 'boys' are now 19 and 16, so this is a long view. They loved wrestling type games and did sometimes get into hot water for doing so at school. I think boys use this sort of rough play as a friend making tool, but they also need the other skills. If they are reliant on roughhousing as their way of interacting with others they will have a small pool of potential friends to choose from and they will be getting negative messages from school too. Exuberant boys have to be able to tone it down when asked to - otherwise they will want to arm wrestle at work when they're older!! Maybe he has a lot of physical energy - I used to take mine for bike rides before school and make sure they got the minimum amount of sugar too. Channelling that physical energy into sport, especially team sport, really helped too, as well as recognition and praise for the things they did well. Hope this helps you.

JamieLeeCurtis · 05/02/2011 09:35

that's what I love about MN - getting the long-term view from mums with older DCs - good post givemeahug

footballmom88 · 03/12/2011 23:53

ok im from a country small town and when i was little i used to play fight with my nephews and boy cousins and i was a little girl. now, i have a little boy and he is six but he is rough and tough now my neighbors boy is 9 he is kind of soft compared to mine. but they like to play fight together i don't see the problem in it i watch them to make sure that it doesn't get escalated and this is at home. my neighbor she got really mad but her son is way bigger than mine and he usually is the one that starts the rough housing. obviously i'm not going to let them play fight with each other anymore i just wanted some feed back on if i'm crazy for thinking that it's normal. kinda boys will be boys attitude, i would appreciate all feedback good or bad thank you

GypsyMoth · 03/12/2011 23:59

Grrrrrr!! This thread is from months ago!!!

HollyTwat · 04/12/2011 00:10

Interesting thread op. my son has had problems from the boys at school who like to play fight and their mums think it's boys being boys. But as I've pointed out to one mum, how does your son know who is a wiling participant? If its ok to play fight with child A why not child B who doesn't like it?
I used to get much eye rolling at parties where I objected to ds2 being set upon. He was seen as easy prey. The muns obviously thought he was not a real 'boy'. So surely much easier to teach your boys it's not ok to hit anyone, than its ok to hit some boys because they don't mind. No hitting anyone is a clear and understandable message for any small boy IMO

HollyTwat · 04/12/2011 00:11

Grr just seen your post Sara

MillyR · 04/12/2011 09:57

It is normal for a lot of very young children to sometimes play physical contact games.

It isn't normal for a year 3 child to continuously break school rules.

It isn't normal for the parent of a year 3 child to see their child breaking school rules on school property, do nothing about it, and them be annoyed when a teacher comes out and insists the child behaves.

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