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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that play 'fighting' is normal behaviour for young boys?

163 replies

LetBoysBeBoys · 04/02/2011 21:05

Had to have a meeting with the school this week regarding DS2 (yr3) being involved in 'rough play' which basically involved a group of boys being in a rugby like scrum with general pushing and wrestling. The school policy is now that any type of 'rough play' will not be tolerated.

Now I will not tolerate bullying at all and if either of my DSs were involved in anything like that, they would be in big trouble, but this is nothing like that at all. The teacher also is very clear that this is not that at all and all involved are willing participants Grin.

DS1 has been disciplined in the past for breaking a branch off one of the many trees surrounding the playing field while swinging from it. His teacher rang me at home to notify me of it and kept the branch to show me at pick up time. He was also taken round all his year group class rooms with the offending branch so all the other DCs could see his crime first hand Hmm. I do not condone hurting trees of course but I think this was way OTT.

Also at hometime, DS2 was wrestling (not hurting each other, just laughing) with his friend on the school field while I and the friends mum were chatting. We were watching them when a teacher rushed up to them shouting 'How dare you play like that on school property - leave the premises at once'. I mean really shouting in full knowledge that we, the parents, were standing there and looking at us with daggers in front of all the other parents. It is pretty normal that the DCs have a run about in the playground/field for 10 mins after school so there were loads of other DCs/parents there.

Now is'nt this relatively typical behaviour of boys or are my DSs and the majority of their friends abonormal little thugs? I understand that schools need to keep control of the kids so that no one gets hurt but they are not all little robots. What the hell are they supposed to play - hopskotch?

AIBU to not take this particularly seriously?

OP posts:
cantspel · 04/02/2011 22:30

so as my sons dont want to wrestle each other they are not real boys?

The is more to being a boy than wanting to rugby scrum as soon as the school bell goes.

Pictish · 04/02/2011 22:30

You don't read LBBB - you just type.

Read back - I have described my son in some detail. I certainly haven't alluded to bullying either.

You are off on one. And have a brain the size of a pea.

Original poster
LetBoysBeBoys · 04/02/2011 22:31

Rapists - how do they fit into this thread. OMG the weirdos have come out of the woodwork tonight.

OP posts:
rexrabbit · 04/02/2011 22:31

sounds pretty OTT to me (I have three boys, none of whom are particularly rough ? certainly not compared to some I've seen ? but the school ages ones are up for a bit of rough play some of the time at least. If they don't like it they don't ahve to do it!

JarethTheGoblinKing · 04/02/2011 22:31

scurryfunge - actually it is. SOME boys need need active play more than girls do (testosterone will do that to a person)

There IS a difference.. and while some girls will want physical play, and some boys will want to sit and play quietly the reality is that many boys will be boisterous.

I don't have one of them.. My DS HATES active physical play, but it's very obvious to me that most of his friends DO.

I recall a TV programme where they had a specific area (foam padded and supervised) for boys (and girls if they wanted, but mostly for boys) to play fight, and it was allowed in that area only.

Seemed like a good idea to me.

slightlymad72 · 04/02/2011 22:32

'I for one prefer to have 'real' boys than the other sort'

How insulting!!!!!!!!

I suppose rough play is evidence of just how much testosterone he has coursing through his body, every chance he will grow up to be a 'real'man, i bet you'll be proud.

Morloth · 04/02/2011 22:33

Wrestling and play fighting are very normal IME (and it isn't just the boys), but if there is no fighting on school grounds play or otherwise then that's it.

There is a time and a place.

The tree thing is a bit OTT but I bet he doesn't swing from branches at school again.

Play fighting always ends up with someone getting hurt and whinging, probably not something the school wants to have to deal with.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 04/02/2011 22:33

Oh and good paraphrasing. I didn't say that boys needed to be violent, I said they needed to blow off steam

scurryfunge · 04/02/2011 22:33

So joined in with the personal insults then, LBBB? Just following your premise that violence is ok because they are boys and anyone who doesn't join in can't be male.

Ha, ha....you have shown your true colours.

mutznutz · 04/02/2011 22:34

I think this thread has gone off on a huge tangent lol.

The op has said all the 'rough housers' were WILLING. Now..as a Mum of 3 boys I can understand that may well be true.

What the OP is asking is "AIBU not to take school rules particularly seriously"

My answer is YABU because...

A) If you teach your children it's ok not to abide by rules you/they don't agree with..you're going to have major trouble on your hands in a few years.

B) If you don't like the rules you are free to remove your kids from the school and find another one.

Original poster
LetBoysBeBoys · 04/02/2011 22:34

Did not read your 1st post and really cannot be bothered now. Got better things to do.

My brain of obviously bigger than yours though as I would not resort to personal insults so that does not say much for you does it.

OP posts:
JamieLeeCurtis · 04/02/2011 22:35

One of my sons has always neede more physical exercise than the other - so yes, I see it is a problem at school - their well-being depends on being active at playtime. But I'm not comfortable with the type of jumping on, and wrestling that I see in the playground - even though it's the sort of thing my 2 do at home or at the park. That's because I know my boys and I can supervise it.

JamieLeeCurtis · 04/02/2011 22:35

needed

scurryfunge · 04/02/2011 22:35

So why did you resort to personal insults then LBBB?

Pictish · 04/02/2011 22:36

Night then. Smile

DaphneHeartsFred · 04/02/2011 22:36

Yep, the playground. You just insulted my son.

Fuck off.

Onetoomanycornettos · 04/02/2011 22:36

Some girls also like physical games, running around a lot and playing rough, my two (infant/junior age) play-fight at home having a good wrestle, but sometimes, someone does get hurt to be honest.

However, one of the issues I have with my dds school is that the lunchtime and breaks are free-for-alls with much rough play and fighting, and almost no supervison. My dd1 was playing chase with a group of boys and girls on the field, it went into a rugby scrum, she fell on the floor and got kicked in the stomach by two boys a fair few times. She has also been punched in the face by a boy in a lesson (!)

In my opinion, the school has no handle on good discipline and self-control. The play-fighting leads to a fair bit of bulling, over the top behaviour, and a general culture of rowdiness and lack of self-control. The correct place for flooring other kids and wrestling them is in the park after school and at home, not in school hours. My girls do still play with the boys a lot, however, I see that they are quite physically capable, some of the poor shyer children look terrified on occasions.

There are plenty of physical activities children can do without playing rough/fighting, like playing tag/it, football, rugby when older, running around, climbing, ball games, they don't have to do wrestling at school to 'be boys' and let off steam.

Original poster
LetBoysBeBoys · 04/02/2011 22:36

and I think 'weirdos' is pretty tame as you brought rapists into this thread. Totally weirdHmm.

OP posts:
cantspel · 04/02/2011 22:37

I have not seen anyone say that boys should never do rough play just that there is a time and place for it and the school playground is not it.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 04/02/2011 22:37

this thread is obviously going to disintegrate..

I didn't see where the OP was personally insulting anybody though

Original poster
LetBoysBeBoys · 04/02/2011 22:37

I did not insult anyones son. Yep definitely that time of night.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 04/02/2011 22:38

So why did you resort to calling someone a weirdo if you think personal insults are not on?

Original poster
LetBoysBeBoys · 04/02/2011 22:38

Daphne Hmm

OP posts:
JamieLeeCurtis · 04/02/2011 22:38

rex >>> If they don't like it they don't have to do it!

That's just the problem though - some smaller DCs get jumped on and pulled about and there's little they can do about - it's not bullying so they can't complain they are being bullied, it's just unwelcome. And they don't want to be accused of being a wimp

JarethTheGoblinKing · 04/02/2011 22:39

Am i missing something? (please point it out to me, I'm clearly blinkered)