To be proud of being and wife and to want to be acknowledged as such?

[WriterofDreams]

I've read quite a few posts on MN from people who are annoyed, and quite rightly so, at being called "Mrs" when they're actually a Ms or Dr or some other title. I've actually found I have the opposite problem, where companies send me correspondence with the title "Ms" even though I put Mrs on any forms or letters I send. It also quite annoys me when I introduce my DH as my husband and people persist in calling him my partner. I chose to get married and being a wife is an important part of my identity that I would like to have acknowledged. I like being "Mrs DH's name" although I do draw the line at being called "Mrs Dh's first name Dh's second name," as I haven't actually changed my first name at all.

AIBU to expect companies and professionals to use the title I've actually selected rather than the PC catch-all one?

Going back a few pages: does it matter to mundanes what everyone's relationship status is? Does that have to be explained to you before you can have a conversation with a person? (This to the posters bleating about not knowing, when someone mentions a 'partner' whether that means 'cohabitee-and-other-parent-of-myDC' or 'person I've been shagging for the last fortnight.'
WTF has it got to do with you in the first place?)
I suppose some people might consider it smalltalk to ask people about their relationship status but I can't see it ever being relevant in a social situation unless you want to have sex with this new person and need to find out if they are in any way available.

I take it you've never seen "A Very Peculiar Practice" then onceamai ?

SGB - maybe the problem is that we are too British about the sexual availability thing. Perhaps we should just learn to say "How do you do, I'm very pleased to meet you. My name is Kungfupannda and I am really rather horny at the moment. Are you available?"

That would do away with the whole Ms/Miss/Mrs dilemma.....

Snurk!

It seemed like a sensible and valid post bearing in mind the subject of the thread. I don't care what people call themselves - but neither should it be drawn to my attention if they have concerns about what they called - especially if they are dealing with patients who may be vulnerable and may have a partner who is also feeling vulnerable. It wasn't helpful to be told the lady consultant obstetrician/gynaecologist didn't like using Miss Mrs or Ms because she didn't like the fact she was single. Particularly inappropriate when most women trying to have a baby have a partner of some description and may be feeling very very vulnerable and not want to have to worry about that doctor being upset because one is in a relationship.

@Speedy acksherley the UK does have a relatively low suicide rate.

Why can't we lose the titles and just have our names? First Name. Surname. And then get to know the circumstances of each other's lives through...I don't know...conversation.

Speaking as a republican, feminist, maiden-name using democrat I think it's the way forward.

Onceamai: I appreciate that you were in a distressed state at the time of this incident but what occurs to me is how very unprofessional (and spiteful) was the behaviour of the person who told you this about the consultant. 'Dr X prefers to be addressed as Dr X' would surely have been sufficient, rather than sneering to a patient that a particular consultant 'has issues.'

Speedy the problems you have listed are characteristic social issues that stem from urbanization more than anything else and have nothing to do with marraige.

I think the idea of the good old days, when society was great and husband's and wives had these idyllic little lives, somehow being lost as people become more aware that they do not need to be married out of selfcenterdness and thusly leading or contributing to some breakdown in society is a tad overreaching.

Sorry if I misunderstood your post, thats just how I read it.

Goodness I find it so sad that women still take this much offence over someone not taking into account that they are a "Mrs".

I couldn't give a tiny rats ass if someone got it wrong, unless it actually had some legal ramifications such as on a form of some kind. I think the only women who really care THAT much, are women who define themselves primarily by thier relationship with thier spouse and lack identity outside of thier marraige.

Harsh but thats how i see it. And yes, I am getting married so not bitter in the least.

I also have many single mum friends who have very fulfilling lives who would probably laugh at the rubbish said on here.

Of course people should be called whatever they want to be, but when an estate agents or the lady down the local shops gets it wrong, who cares! It doesn't make a difference to your life does it??

Or maybe I'm missing something here. If someone can actually enlighten me as to its massively detrimental effect on ones life, that would be great.

LDN, yup, you completely misunderstood my post!

Arf at Kungfupanda!

Tondelay, I actually searched for that info after posting. I'm glad to see that our suicide rate is relatively low, though even one suicide is still tragic. Interestingly it does look, as a rough estimate, as though the 50 countries with lower rates than ours are all outside Europe/ North America.

There are also 'dependent' countries with high rates, such as Japan and S Korea, though other contributing factors are present in those nations, such as the social death resulting from 'losing face' in Japan. This leads to bizarre behaviours such as people renting a family for their wedding, so that their in-laws don't realise their true family has social/ financial problems, etc. In a culture like that I can imagine why some people might resort to suicide in order to avoid facing potential social trauma. Awful situation.!

LDN I also agree that being called Mrs/ Ms really should faze someone that much.

Scotmum - "eulogising"? What, you mean the bit where I rebutted the nonsensical posts about marriage being just a piece of paper? You call it eulogising, I call it challenging bullshit.

Coming back to the topic of suicide (and my apologies to anyone who finds it an uncomfortable subject), I am horrified to see that in every country across the world the rate for men is about twice that of women. Anyone know why?

SpeedyGonzalez - I believe (could be wrong) it's because of the methods of suicide that tend to be chosen by men, they're more likely to be successful. I think overdosing is more common in women, who are more likely to be found and treated.

(Sorry Frosty!)

It's very simple when all is said and done: address people as they wish to be addressed.

As for marriage/not marriage issue, I find long-term relationships stifling and I am not suited to them.
But, if a person is going to go down that route, then marriage is probably the way to go.

NOT because of any nonsense about commitment or love or tradition, but because it can act as an insurance policy in event of death/separation.
Because the fact is this: cohabitation is not recognised as having any status in law.

Long may this continue: if I choose to live with someone for a while, that's MY business and I should not be subject to any state interference should I split up (other than the dissolving of any financial agreements I may have explicitly made with my former lover which probably require use of solicitor to dissolve.)

(Although I can guarantee that some here who are are anti-marriage would, conversely, be for cohabitee rights which would effectively legally tie a couple together like it or not!)

As for the 'let's have something that will legally tie a couple together but not call it marriage argument'. What a joke.
Marriage IS a legal document and whatever emotions a person attaches to it is in their heads.
I see it as entrapment; others see it as a joyful thing- the bottom line is this: it is a legal transaction and what people make of it is up to them.

I would say, though, that all cohabitees who choose to live together without the legal tie of marriage, do not complain about their lack of rights in relation to each other should they split up, that really is annoying.
People should accept that the choices they make have consequences and not marrying means that the default position is being unrelated to your partner (other than explicit financial agreements like joint property ownership that are set out on paper).

The problem with that maranta was that when I became seriously ill and had to give up work I was not treated as 'single' and was not entitled to benefits as it was assumed dp would support me!

noddyholder, yes I know and I agree with you- it sucks. The govt treat people 'as married' when suits and 'single' when suits.

agree if you want property,financial rights etc as co-habiting couple then just get married.

co-habitation is private individual act no statutory protection

marriage is a legal arrangement with statutory protection

I have all those sorted legally years ago and much cheaper than a wedding! there are so many double standards with this though.I just don't want to get married and never have.

speedygonzalez.
You say that those who see marriage as being a legal contract haven't thought it through?

Believe me, I have thought it through, and have come to the following conclusion:

Commitment to a partner- is not exclusive to marriage.

Having children- not exclusive to marriage.

Love-not exclusive to marriage.

Buying a house- not exclusive to marriage.

The only thing that is exclusive to marriage that cohabitation cannot have is a legal declaration to be a couple.
So, yes, marriage is a legal thing.

im unmarried and we instructed solicitor and have made provisions about house,finances,wills etc

as for nok, anyone can be nok eg partner,friend,siblings. you can nominate a nok,can ask gp to note this on your records should you go hospital.the oft touted scenario is acute admission to hospital and partner ignore and family contacted instead. if you have strong preference then nominate a nok,get it recorded (gp can do this). there is even a nok information card,on which you can nominate someone. nok cannot consent or refuse treatment or interventions.nok has no legal standing in relation to healthcare provision and treatment within the UK health services

I would think it has to be a human right to be able to choose who is contacted in an emergency. For the sake of people who have fled an abusive birth family, for instance but have no wish to marry.