To be proud of being and wife and to want to be acknowledged as such?

[WriterofDreams]

I've read quite a few posts on MN from people who are annoyed, and quite rightly so, at being called "Mrs" when they're actually a Ms or Dr or some other title. I've actually found I have the opposite problem, where companies send me correspondence with the title "Ms" even though I put Mrs on any forms or letters I send. It also quite annoys me when I introduce my DH as my husband and people persist in calling him my partner. I chose to get married and being a wife is an important part of my identity that I would like to have acknowledged. I like being "Mrs DH's name" although I do draw the line at being called "Mrs Dh's first name Dh's second name," as I haven't actually changed my first name at all.

AIBU to expect companies and professionals to use the title I've actually selected rather than the PC catch-all one?

speedy relationship breakdown happens in marriaege too,err its called divorce.

scottish mummy - Dh has certainly chased off all my bunions and boils

actually your eulogising post about marriage did indeed suggest it tempers societal and individualistic excesses

I do think it's worth replying:

The wook - I wouldn't have cared if she had been Miss, Mrs, Ms, Doctor, professor or wally face - it was the fact that I was told she had an issue with being miss or ms because she wasn't married and at the time I had enough of my own baggage to deal with without taking on her sensitivities.

Usual Suspect - my GP queried it when I went back because I couldn't get an appointment, not becasue of the title but because evidently if you have done the quals to be a surgical consultant you are no longer called doctor and I think the GP (lady) double checked the consultant's credentials with a what's going on here sort of attitude.

At the end of the day Mr Consultant was fab and the only bad thing about that pg and birth was that I wasn't allowed to take him home with the baby!

BibiBelle,such a fine man is he scottish?

oceanmai - didn't understand a word of that. your point was?

scotmum, when I say 'relationshp breakdown' I am using the word 'relationship' to refer to BOTH married and co-habiting couples, NOT, as you assume, only for marrieds.

Right. Here are the headlines, for those who've speed-read too speedily!

• We all relate badly in our individualistic culture.

• This fucks things up.

• This also fucks up relationships in families.

• What a mess.

There. Clearer now?

socialsciecetastic chuff if you ask me.with some cliché for flavour

scottishmummy, no - I had him imported from Ireland

speedy - thanks for the catch up, couldn't face 35pages at this time of night!

aha,a celt.i approve

not sure his mother does but the umbilical cord had to be cut some time

well he asint married to his mammie,so butt oot granny

I agree with EVERYTHING scottishmummy says.

oncemai how on earth would a woman's preference over name indicate a lack of ability to care for you? I just don't get it.

I prefer Ms if I have to be addressed as anything, not that I especially care (get called all sort, miss and mrs are the least of my problems), but if push came to shove and I was told to declare a preference, ms is what I'd prefer. My 'issues' about this in no way interfere with my ability to do my job to a high professional standard!!

It wasn't the preference over the name it was the fact that I was told she had an issue over it because she wasn't married and at the time that seemed irrelevant. I dind't need to know and felt I was being asked to take on her baggage as well as my own.

Honestly, how absurd!

There was some truly terrifying drivel being spouted a few pages back. I thought I had inadvertently wandered into 1920. And then I remembered they didn't have internet then.

I don't think I have ever seen so many repetitions of the word "reckless" in one place. Is it someone's word for the day?

yes it was very absurd behaviour from a professional who would have charged me 150 13 years ago for a 20 minute consultation. Wholly inappropriate that I should have been aware of it.

Why on earth does someone's refusal to be defined by their marital status constitute "baggage" or "issues"?

No-one was asking you to "take on her baggage". She was going about her professional life in the way that seemed most appropriate to her and enquiries were made. It is nothing to do with her what someone chooses to do with that information.

oncemai - I genuinely don't understand your point. What is the relevance of her charge-out rates?

As I understand it:

She chooses to be known by an unusual title.
This rang an alarm bell for your doctor who made enquiries and discovered that there was no funny business, simply someone who did not want to be known by their marital status.
Your doctor conveyed this to you, presumably by way of explanation
You decided this was absurd behaviour and felt that you were being loaded with her issues about being unmarried.

Ohhh is it bad that I am laughing my head off at this?

Oceanmai your train of thought derailed that day. How bizarre!

Fantoosh - not sure laughter is the appropriate response bearing in mind what Oncemai has explained about the background to her encounter with this doctor. I am puzzled by the logic but I don't think it is something to laugh at.

Oh hell - I see now. I'm sorry.

Yes you got too hung up on the title, but you were bound to be having a shit time anyway. I skim read.

I didn't read fully. So sorry.