To be proud of being and wife and to want to be acknowledged as such?

[WriterofDreams]

I've read quite a few posts on MN from people who are annoyed, and quite rightly so, at being called "Mrs" when they're actually a Ms or Dr or some other title. I've actually found I have the opposite problem, where companies send me correspondence with the title "Ms" even though I put Mrs on any forms or letters I send. It also quite annoys me when I introduce my DH as my husband and people persist in calling him my partner. I chose to get married and being a wife is an important part of my identity that I would like to have acknowledged. I like being "Mrs DH's name" although I do draw the line at being called "Mrs Dh's first name Dh's second name," as I haven't actually changed my first name at all.

AIBU to expect companies and professionals to use the title I've actually selected rather than the PC catch-all one?

lol at HullyGully

I am proud of my arse.

Inappropriate (on forms and official correspondance, say, at work) and strange to mention you are married (if done in such a militant, "this is linked to my personality and the rest of you clearly are not proud to be wives" way, yes).

I am extremely proud of being a dog owner.

I don't know why people can't acknowledge this and write to me as Successful Dog Owner Person.

Inappropriate and strange to think being married is something particularly wow, I think she meant.

I always feel as old as methuselah if I am incorrectly addressed as Mrs getorf.

Writer of Dreams - at the expense of a jolly good flaming, I agree with you. I am Mrs DH, I like being Mrs DH, was pleased to take on the role and still like it after 20 years. It doesn't mean mean that me the individual is worth any less, for me it's part of the order of my life. Engaged, married, parents and if I hadn't been committed enough to marry him in the first place I wouldn't have shared my property with him or helped make our children.

YABabitU
I don't like being defined as a wife, it's a label I put up with because I'm married. I don't see myself in relation to DH, I'm just "sakura". I doubt he's bothered whether people see him as a husband or just whether they just see him as MrSakura

I don't get why "partner" is offensive to you? To me, partner is an inclusive term that covers spouses to cohabitators (sp?). I always use the term partner (I am married) & my parents (who are married) did also.

Are some posters on here seriously trying to argue that it is entirely appropriate to emblazen "I AM MARRIED" to your personality in all walks of life? The OP talked about forms, correspondance/letters, introducing husband to others.

E.g. If you were in a business meeting as Project Manager, and someone that you didn't know from a partner contractor referred to "Ms. Frgr's documentation clearly states that..." ... you think it's appropriate for me, in that level of relationship to correct him and say "No, it's Mrs"... eh? That one has really happend to me, too. And at the time, the word inappropriate did crop into my head.

OP, who or what were you before you were MRS OP? Did you have an identity then or were you a kind of Charlotte Lucas type?

Wow the responses are really interesting! The tone of them is quite mocking and to me that shows a sense of contempt for being a wife. To me being a wife carries as much pride and happiness as being a mum - it's part of who I have chosen to be. The fact that other women look down on me for the happiness I find in it is sad IMO

Interesting point you touch on there sakura, I never heard a man say he was 'proud of being a husband'.

Although I'm not proud of it, I am married, but I have my own name - because WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WANT TO SUBMERGE MY OWN IDENTITY INTO A MAN'S ESPECIALLY WHEN IT ONLY WORKS THAT WAY ROUND - and I am physically unable to say the word "husband" so say "partner." Nor do I wear a ring as my private arrangements are just that: private.

WriterofDreams, if you prefer to think we're looking down on you for "your happiness" at being a wife on mum, I suggest you re-read the thread responses. That's not the issue, and it's not why people are disagreeing with the OP. I'm being serious - you've misunderstood.

Writerofdreams I know exactly how you feel, though you won't get many agree with you on here because it is seen as anti-feminist to take your husbands name, to want to be called 'Mrs' and indeed by some, to even want to be married.

I am very happy to be Mrs DH-surname, I always want to be known as Mrs and I hate being called Ms. I want to be married to my husband, I didn't want to live together indefinitely without taking steps to formalise things, I didn't want to have children until we were married. Most of my friends laughed at this, it isn't the PC thing anymore.

I understand that it isn't for everyone and each of us should choose the path that is best for us and it should never be dictated by a man, but why isn't my choice to primarily be a wife and mother ever respected ? I'm no less a woman, an educated woman or a strong woman because I choose to define my role in life as a (very happy, content) wife and mother.

Ephiny, DH says it all the time. He loves mentioning me as "his wife".

But what I mean is it's no particularly big commitment these days, marriage. not when the legal commitment you sign can be cancelled by way of a divorce.

I suppose there is an issue with the role of and identity of wife. The word "wife" has connotations of being the supporting act. It's not an equivalent to "husband"

I am a wife btw

Not sure why it invokes such passion either way

I am proud to be Mrs, but DH is equally proud to talk about his wife rather than partner or other half.
It may possibly relate to the fact that we are both products of broken marriages and are bucking the family trend, but I can't be certain.

I do correct people who call me Ms or Miss, but that's more about my not so inner pedant